


Point of Information

by beatrixlowe



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Boys' Love, Flashbacks, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Phobias, Singapore, Singlish, Uniforms, Yaoi, debate, secondary school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-23 13:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 71,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7465407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatrixlowe/pseuds/beatrixlowe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pierre took part in a debate competition when he studied in Zitan High School, a notorious secondary school in Singapore. Years later, he returns as a teacher and finds himself assigned to guide his students for the same competition. He agrees reluctantly. After all his boss, Kai Wen, is also his ex-classmate and they used to be very close.<br/>(Singlish in dialogue, with some explanation in footnotes)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This story contains PLENTY of Singlish in dialogue. Put simply, Singlish is the colloquial variation of English in Singapore, and is unintelligible to the rest of the world. You can guess and infer the meaning of the dialogue, but if you are curious about Singlish, I recommend that you consult the Coxford Singlish Dictionary online.
> 
> To make your reading easier, I've included meanings of Singlish words used at the end of each chapter. However, I will not be explaining common tags such as : lah, leh, loh, hor, mah, meh, sia, as you will be able to understand the general meaning of the dialogue even if you ignore these tags.
> 
> To my Singaporean comrades who love BL as well, this story is for you. =D Please enjoy!

Pierre's ears twitched as he listened to the horrible singing of the national anthem. It wasn't the distortion of tune that bothered him, not many could sing it in tune anyway. It was the incorrect lyrics.

"Mari kata  _ya ya_  Singapura…"*

Perhaps it was a slip, he told himself. Besides, the student was already doing as he told by singing louder, he should be glad that his method of coercion worked. The whole class sang with more gusto than usual not out of patriotism, but because their evil teacher would make them sing it alone in the parade square during recess if they did not comply during the mass morning assembly. Now Pierre, known as Mr Tan to his students, could actually care less whether they sang since he was not entirely patriotic himself. It was just that, as a teacher, he felt like he should care.

"Cita cita  _cita ya_  mulia! Berjaya Singapura…"*

How many 'ya's did they think there were? This second mistake convinced Pierre that his stupid students, despite having sung the same thing every morning for eight years, did not know the lyrics of the national anthem. Time for dictation; he would make them memorise the lyrics and test them the next day.

For a while he wondered if he should explain what those words meant, but he quickly dismissed the thought. It would be a miracle if anyone in his class could actually memorise the lyrics, their brain capacity simply could not cope with demands higher than that. After all, this was Zitan High School.

Zitan is the Chinese name for Red Sandalwood, a kind of tree that grew fast even if the soil was poor. Now that Pierre had become an adult, he could better appreciate the name and found it apt for a school filled with students from poor backgrounds. Some had divorced parents or parents in jail, and almost all of them came from families with low monthly income. It was with the hope that they would grow despite these harsh conditions that the school chose this name.

They did not foresee the pun. To their defence, it was a pretty farfetched pun, but people realised that the school name sounded like 'Jidan', which meant egg, which also meant zero. Soon it was widely known to parents, and they often told their children that if they scored 'Jidan', they would go to Zitan.

Pierre bit back a chuckle as he relived his memories from when he had studied in this same school, fourteen years ago. Since his time, students had lovingly called the school 'Jidan Gao', which was steamed egg cake in Chinese. In Singapore, that phrase was also a popular insult, or exclamation of anger and disdain. When his teachers gave them homework, his classmate cursed.

" _So much homework! Jidan Gao!'_

" _Hey Kai Wen! Watch your language!"_

" _What? I say the school name got wrong meh?"_

Ah, this was bad. Pierre daydreamed through the pledge-taking with an amused grin on his face. He wiped it away quickly, put up his usual stern mask, and hoped that none of his students noticed.

As usual, the school's discipline master went up the podium to get the monkeys to settle down before reading the announcements. He then droned on about the importance of being well-behaved, and his words flew over both students and teachers alike without entering any of their ears. Pierre was busy mentally listing all the materials he had to bring to class. He hated having to teach the first lesson, there was hardly any time to prepare.

Once they were released from the lecture, Pierre took broad steps to hurry back to the staff room.

"Wait, Mr Tan."

The familiar voice made him groan inwardly. Not now, he wanted to argue, but he turned around nevertheless to face his boss with a frown.

"What can I do for you, Mr Chen?"

The head of department of English, Mr Chen, stood slightly taller than Pierre. Unlike the strict teacher who always kept his black hair naturally combed, Mr Chen's hair was dyed brown and arranged in a trendy style. He rested his palm on Pierre's shoulder and gave him a warm smile that promised nothing but trouble.

"I want to talk to you about the upcoming debate competition. It's about time to select the students."

"Isn't that your job?" Pierre tried shrugging the hand off. "You were the one who decided to take part in it."

"Aw, don't be so cold. I'm giving you a chance to boost your portfolio, Pierre."

"We should address each other formally in front of students."

Finally getting the hint, Mr Chen's smile lost a bit joy. He gave a look that was more apologetic than necessary when he removed his hand from Pierre's shoulder.

"If you are really against taking part in the competition, I think it is still possible for me to cancel our involvement."

The subdued look of disappointment made Pierre feel bad. He tried to clarify, "I'm not entirely against it…"

Like a phoenix rising from ashes, the spark of enthusiasm returned to Mr Chen's eyes, and he grinned like he never felt disappointed to begin with.

"That's settled then. I will fill you in with the details later. Have a good day!"

"Wait, I didn't say-!"

He wanted to shout, but was distracted by the rare nicer students who were trying to greet him. He nodded at the girls – they squealed for no reason while scurrying back to their class – and he watched the carefree back view of his boss with a sigh. Ever since he came to this school three months ago, their interactions were kept solely to official duties, and there had been no opportunity to talk about things unrelated to work.

But even with the lack of time, Chen Kai Wen could have at least acknowledged how they used to be classmates, if nothing else.

The shrill ringing of the bell erupted from a nearby speaker and jolted him from his thoughts. Everything else did not matter then, only the first lesson and what he needed to bring to class. The debate competition matters could be settled later and the long-belated chat with his ex-classmate could wait even later. They were both busy men, and Pierre had nothing important to say to the other anyway.

_He always thought Kai Wen was someone he would never get close to. After all, he hated trouble, and that hyperactive scrawny boy was practically a trouble magnet. Lessons got disrupted because he always found a need to parade about the classroom. The way he spoke, straightforward and offensive, sparked fights and quarrels with other classmates. He was sent for counselling, his mother was called to school countless times, but no matter what beautiful things those adults said about believing that he would change, Pierre knew that they had long given up on the boy. He could tell from those looks that held nothing but irritation and frustration over the fact that they had no choice but to teach this little devil._

_Still, Kai Wen always came to school with a big smile on his face. He laughed in every mayhem he created. He seemed perfectly happy, whistling to himself with his legs on the desk, even though he had few to call friends._

_Pierre did not understand him and he did not intend to try. So for the first two years of their secondary school life, he steered clear of Kai Wen._

Back then, the condition known as Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) was not well known. If it had been, then Pierre was sure Kai Wen would have been diagnosed and given medication to control his behaviour. Perhaps his life would have been different.

Pierre mused as he watched his student skip around with flailing arms. Deciding not to wait any longer, he opened the door of his car and called out.

"James can you please get inside?"

"Mr Tan, give up on him lah. He's always like that one," Syariff commented with a nonchalant shrug, smoothed his hair back and went into the backseat without being told.

"Just our luck that we have to do this debate thing with him. Why the class sabo him? They sabo only, but we have to pay the price. Fuck this shit." Wendy waved a middle finger before climbing in after Syariff.

"Wendy, don't always 'fuck' this 'fuck' that," Bhavita said sweetly as she twirled her ponytail, "otherwise no guy will want to go steady with you."

"Fuck. You also say fuck what. Xiao Zhar Bor.*"

"Ladies, watch your language," Pierre scolded. He doubted it was of any use. At most, they would give him face* and stop for a while.

"Haha 'cher*, language how to watch? Spoken leh, not written. Shouldn't it be 'hear your language'?"

"Shut up lah you smart aleck!"

A kick from Wendy, a howl from Syariff, and the car was filled with loud giggles from Bhavita. Meanwhile, James continued hopping around.

Pierre rubbed the bridge of his nose. Why did he have to do this again? Right, because of Kai Wen's stupid decision to sign up for the debate competition. Now despite how they behaved, these students were the top scorers for English in Secondary Three, except for James who was simply sabotaged by his classmates to fill the final role which nobody wanted - the useless reserve. And of course, Wen just had to agree with the class's decision and make his life more difficult.

At the back of his mind, Pierre knew the reason. He could see the similarities between Kai Wen and James. But right now he was too irritated to be rational.

Teachers were not allowed to physically punish students. Somewhere along the line, this formal rule had warped into an informal one: Teachers should avoid all physical contact with students, so that they would not get accused of being abusive, or worse, being molesters.

Pierre narrowed his eyes as he approached James. The public understood nothing, they did not have to try controlling an idiot like this one. With a firm grasp on James' arm, Pierre tugged and dragged the boy physically into the car.

"'Cher, pain!"

"Pain is good. Pain makes people grow."

The backseat clapped and cheered for their teacher when James was successfully shoved inside. Pierre wiped his forehead, whipped out his car key and started the engine.

"Wait! Wait for me!"

The shout turned all the passengers' heads towards the foyer. A man was waving and charging straight at them while struggling with his sling bag. The sight made Pierre's head hurt, and he regretted not driving off earlier. Now he had two ADHDs to deal with.

"Mr Chen! I didn't know that you are coming too." Wendy asked, suddenly in good-English mode.

"Eh, no space leh, Mr Chen, unless we put James in the boot," Syariff commented and Bhavita laughed. James remained nonchalant, as if he did not catch what Syariff just said.

"You heard them, there's no space for you," Pierre spoke flatly. "There are only four students, one teacher is enough to chaperone them. You don't have to go."

His words however fell on deaf ears as Kai Wen dragged James out, squeezed him into the back beside Syariff, and took the front seat himself.

"Let's go," he chirped while fastening the seat belt.

Pierre stared at his smiling boss in disbelief. Then he stared at the chaos at the back, packed with four grown teenagers yelling at one another to stop pushing.

"I hate you," he grumbled, only loud enough for the other man to hear.

"I love you too."

Ignoring that cheeky declaration, Pierre stepped on the pedal and drove off.

The briefing for the debate was held at Danmun High, a good school with a large campus. Pierre's students were country bumpkins when they alighted from the car, and they stared like retards at the clever-looking students around them.

"Lose. We confirm lose." Syariff shook his head. "They all got at least 250 in PSLE*. We got what, 210?"

"Come on Syariff, PSLE was three years ago! We have grown since then, we must be more confident," Bhavita said, though she fiddled with her hair nervously each time she walked past a student.

"She's right. It doesn't matter whether we win or lose, as long as we try our best, right, Mr Chen?"

Kai Wen gave Wendy an approving smile, and the girl lit up in response. Walking behind them, Pierre looked at the scene and thought that perhaps it was not so bad for Kai Wen to tag along. That cheerful man got along with his students well, so thanks to him, Pierre could concentrate on taking care of James and making sure he did not run off alone somewhere.

They reached the briefing room without any incident, and Pierre sighed in relief as he took a seat beside Kai Wen. The room was air-conditioned; his students appreciated this salvation from the burning weather outside, so they behaved. Likewise, Pierre leaned back and closed his eyes, hoping to get just a minute of rest after such a hectic day at work.

"Doesn't this bring back memories?"

Obviously Kai Wen would not allow that.

"Yes I remember," Pierre said half-heartedly to entertain his boss. "The debate competition we entered."

"I was saboed to join the team, like James," a chuckle left Kai Wen before he continued. "I couldn't believe it when we made it through the preliminaries."

Pierre nodded and kept silent. Out of all possible conversation topics, he was least keen to talk about this part of their past, though from the moment Kai Wen first mentioned signing up for this competition, he had seen this coming.

"It was an interesting experience," he said after the long pause, let the vague and general comment hang in the air for a while before shifting the attention to his students. "I hope the four of them will learn something from participating in this competition."

"I'm sure they will."

The silence that followed gave Pierre some much needed peace. He closed his eyes again and breathed deeply, hoping that the briefing would start and end quickly so he could go home and complete his marking.

It was ironic. This was the opportunity he had been waiting for, but he felt no desire to hold a proper conversation. He did not expect it, but Kai Wen's presence nagged at him. Just the fact that they were sitting side by side disturbed him, even though he hated to admit it, and his mind kept dwelling on meaningless sentiments.

How many centimetres of space existed between them currently? Would their shoulders touch if he leaned over just slightly?

Kai Wen never said anything, but Pierre sensed them; the shock and nostalgia when they met again as adults. He did not know Kai Wen was working there when he applied to teach in Zitan High School, and the other did not know that the new teacher 'Mr Tan Jing Liang' was Pierre.

They had stared at each other for many seconds before Kai Wen initiated the handshake.

" _Welcome back."_

Welcome back? That should have been Pierre's line. After all…

"We are sorry to keep you waiting, the briefing will start in just a minute."

Pierre sat up straight and put a brake to his thoughts. He pulled a notebook and pen from his bag and got ready to take notes, since he knew his students would not bother. He would train the four morons, get this debate nonsense over and done with, and concentrate on his teaching.

That way, his mind would not be filled with unnecessary thoughts, and he would remain free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Singapore's national anthem is in Malay. Here's an extract of the correct lyrics:  
> *Mari kita rakyat Singapura Sama-sama menuju bahagia  
> *Cita-cita kita yang mulia Berjaya Singapura
> 
> *xiao zhar bor - crazy girl (in Hokkien, a Chinese dialect)
> 
> *give face - to act in a way that shows regard, respect or concern of a person's status or reputation.
> 
> *'cher - short form of Teacher.
> 
> *PSLE - Primary School Leaving Examinations. Maximum aggregate of 300. A major examination to determine the stream a student would be in when he advances to Secondary School. (Express, Normal Academic or Normal Technical)


	2. Chapter 2

" _The rules for the debate are simple. There are three speakers and one reserve. The proposition goes first, they take turns and after the last speaker of opposition has finished, either the first or second speaker will give a reply speech lasting three minutes to summarise the argument and …"_

" _Ey, Pierre," Kai Wen interrupted with one raised hand. "You very cheem* leh. Can explain simpler?"_

_Pierre sighed. It was five in the afternoon and he wanted to go home. He had a Physics test the next day and he wanted to study for it. But he had been tasked by his teacher to explain the rules of the debate because Kai Wen had happily slept through the briefing earlier. So much for avoiding the boy for the past two years, they ended up in the same class again in Secondary Three and were thrown in this debate competition together by a cruel twist of fate. As the only other boy in the team, Pierre naturally became the teacher's target; Mrs Poon did not want to take care of Kai Wen, so she conveniently made Pierre do it._

_Pushing his spectacles up the bridge of his nose, Pierre wrinkled his eyebrows and tried explaining the idiot's way._

" _Okay, two teams, A and B. They speak like this: A1,B1,A2,B2,A3,B3. Got five minutes each. Can understand?"_

_He had better understand, Pierre grumbled on the inside. He could not possibly dumb this down any further. Expecting to see a nod, he was taken back when Kai Wen laughed and patted his shoulder._

" _Haha! First time I understand what you say ah! You always so ang moh*, I thought you don't know Singlish leh."_

_Unaccustomed to the sudden friendliness, Pierre shrugged the hand away and did not bother responding._

" _After B3, A1 or A2 speaks. Then B1 or B2."_

" _B1 and B2! Bananas in Pyjamas!"_

" _The last speaker summarises their team's points and rebuts the other team."_

" _Butt? What butt? I can whack their butt?"_

_Veins popped on Pierre's forehead and he had to take a deep breath to suppress the rising headache._

" _Rebut means argue. Debating is arguing in proper English."_

" _Wah, so I pro* right? I always argue with the teachers, argue until they got nothing to say hah! So I am which speaker? 1, 2 or 3?"_

_For once, Kai Wen actually seemed enthusiastic about this predicament he was forced into. His eyes shone with interest and amusement, and it made Pierre feel quite bad for having to tell him the hard truth._

" _You are the reserve," he said, and seeing that the other did not understand, continued. "That means you are not speaking unless one of us is absent."_

" _Huh? I not speaking? Then I go for what?"_

" _For nothing, just sit and watch. That's why nobody wants the role. That's why they sabo* you."_

_Pierre waited nervously for Kai Wen's reactions. He was the only one in the class with Kai Wen, and as much as he did not want to admit it, he felt afraid. Over the December holidays, Kai Wen had suddenly shot taller and he was almost Pierre's height. If the hot tempered guy flared up, Pierre might end up being the punching bag. While he would be able to defend himself – he was a basketball player and was fitter than Kai Wen – he did not want to risk getting into trouble with the gang that Kai Wen was rumoured to hang out with outside of school._

_Bracing himself, he looked up from the information booklet he held and faced the other. But there was no anger, only disappointment, and even that was mixed with something else that made Kai Wen's smile the most complex that Pierre had ever seen._

_It was disappointment mixed with acceptance._

" _Like that ah? Ok loh."_

+++

The sweat stain at the back of Pierre's shirt enlarged into an unsightly patch as he rushed from the school hall to the classroom where he was supposed to meet his debate team. He had told the students to stay back after school for a briefing, and promised that it would be short and sweet. But he was held back by the basketball club he was in charge of and ended up being an hour late.

When he reached the fourth level, he saw that the classroom's lights and fans were still switched on, and he felt all the more guilty. Ready to apologise, he approached while working to catch his breath, but he stopped when he was a short distance away. The front door of the classroom was open, and from the corridor, Pierre looked in and saw Kai Wen standing in his place and explaining the rules of the debate to the students.

"Debating is arguing in proper English. You kids love to argue, don't you? You won't have a problem."

His first reaction was that he felt moved. In this same school many years ago, he had explained the rules to Kai Wen and they had had their first real interaction. Now the man was explaining the same things to their students. Kai Wen remembered his exact words, even after so many years and despite all that happened between them.

Then he quickly waved those thoughts away and reminded himself that this should not affect him. He needed to stop feeling nostalgic from every little detail that could very well be mere coincidence. Picking up his steps again, he entered the classroom.

"Sorry everyone, I'm late."

Kai Wen flashed him a grin and opened his mouth to speak but he was too slow.

"Mr Tan!" The students yelled in unison, and then their coordination broke down and a mess of dramatic questions and complains followed. "Where were you?" "We waited for so long!" "We thought you're not coming. We almost went home leh."

"Sorry, I was caught up with my basketball players. The coach was late, so I had to oversee their physical training for a while," he explained and the students nodded or shrugged. They were not the most patient lot, but they were understanding and forgiving. Now that they were settled down, he turned his attention to Kai Wen.

"Thanks, Mr Chen."

"Nah, I just happened to walk past the classroom and they kidnapped me."

"Oh, Mr Chen, you're so humorous," Wendy said and giggled. "We just thought you could explain the rules on Mr Tan's behalf, since you were also present for the briefing."

"No leh, we are holding Mr Chen for ransom, so you better pay up ah, Mr Tan," Syariff joked, exchanged a glance with Bhavita and she followed up with a perfect imitation of Wendy's fake sweet tone.

"Oh, Syariff, you're so humorous."

"Si gin nah*!" Wendy yelled and quickly covered her mouth when she remembered that her favourite teacher was still in the room. Her face turned beet red as Bhavita laughed, and she landed a light slap on her friend's shoulder.

"We were about to decide the speakers' order," Kai Wen informed, seemingly ignorant of what the students' conversation hinted at. "So far, Bhavita volunteered to be the third speaker."

"Third speaker won't have to do the reply speech. Less work for me!" Bhavita sang and earned another playful slap from Wendy.

"You very clever hor? Damn it."

"I'll be the first speaker," Syariff flicked his fringe to the back and said. "I'm the most eloquent among us and I'm sure I'll make an impactful first impression on behalf of our team."

"Ok fine, I don't mind being second."

Though things were moving well with the students making the decisions on their own, Pierre interrupted.

"Aren't you all forgetting someone?" he asked, and the three fell silent. There was guilt in Bhavita's eyes, discomfort in Wendy's and Syariff simply looked scornful.

"You mean James ah?" he prompted. "Of course he is the – "

"I am the reserve. I know."

Behind the classroom, James was pacing about aimlessly, weaving in and out the rows of tables. His voice was rarely heard since the formation of this debate team, and Pierre was worried about him. But as it turned out, despite having ADHD and needing to prance around all the time, he was usually very quiet. That was why everyone was surprised when he spoke up.

"I am not a top scorer in English, so you all can go ahead. I don't mind being the reserve."

"Ey, don't think you can get away from doing work just because you're the reserve," Syariff warned, and the atmosphere became tense. "You'll still have to do research."

"I know, that's easy for me." James replied without sparing eye contact.

"He pisses me off," Syariff muttered, but he did it softly out of deference to the two teachers in the room.

"Chill, Syariff," Kai Wen rested a hand on the boy's shoulder. "He's in your team, so you have to learn to work with him. We can't always choose who to work with. Besides, a reserve may end up being more important than you think."

Memories assaulted Pierre, and he saw again scenes of Kai Wen propping himself against the desk and delivering his passionate argument. And he felt pride, because his hard work had paid off and Kai Wen had proven to everyone who looked down on him that he was in fact capable. A smile made its way to Pierre's face without him noticing, and for that instant he forgot he was in front of students.

"Talking about yourself, Kai Wen?"

His words turned everyone's attention to him, and even Kai Wen looked at him wide-eyed. Then, he realised his mistake.

"Huh? You mean Mr Chen was once the reserve in a debate team?" Wendy asked, being the quickest to catch on.

"I thought you didn't want them to know," Kai Wen whispered with a helpless chuckle before draping an arm over Pierre's shoulders and facing the students. "That's right! We are both ex-students of this school and we took part in this same competition many years ago!"

Pierre froze up and struggled to escape Kai Wen's hold, but the other did not yield. At the same time, he was blasted with questions and exclamations of surprise.

"Really ah, Mr Tan? Which speaker were you?"

"Why you never tell us?"

"So both our teachers are experienced! Awesome! Maybe can win ah."

Just when the commotion seemed never ending, the most unlikely person managed to silence everyone and hold their attention.

James cleared his throat.

"They are not just experienced, they are veterans. They were the only team in the school's history to reach the finals, and they defeated top schools like Hua Zong, Danmun and Cat High. They only lost to RI at the very end."

"Wah, how come you know so much?" Syariff asked, his earlier animosity towards the boy replaced with some admiration.

"Researched."

By then, the warmth from Kai Wen's arm was starting to scald Pierre, and he could hear the other man’s breathing and heartbeat. It was not right for them to be this close, he could not afford to be close to Kai Wen again.

With all his strength, he shoved Kai Wen away and sent the man stumbling a few steps back. The table rattled as Kai Wen's back crashed against its edge.

"Mr Chen! Are you okay?"

Wendy gasped, but instead of her, it was Syariff who rushed over to their teacher. She stayed behind because she had to hold on to a pair of trembling hands.

"Cher… don't fight leh…" Bhavita spoke, her face ashen. "Fighting is no good… Please don't fight…"

Pierre did not intend to be this rough, he just wanted to put some distance between them. He should apologise, to Kai Wen for hurting him for no reason, and to Bhavita for displaying violence in front of her despite knowing that her father had accidentally killed her mother in a quarrel.

"I'm sorry – "

A laughter erupted from Kai Wen and interrupted his apology. The man stood up and rubbed his back, then he walked to Bhavita and squatted down beside her.

"Don't worry, don't worry! We play play only lah. We always like that one, I push him, he push me. But we love each other one, so don't worry okay?"

It was rare for Kai Wen to use Singlish in front of students, and both Syariff and Wendy quickly understood that this was his way of lightening the atmosphere and distracting Bhavita.

"Ha…haha, Mr Chen, you make it sound like you two are gay sia," Syariff chirped, albeit a little artificially. It was accompanied by Wendy's laugh which was equally artificial. In comparison, Kai Wen's act was far more convincing.

"Yeah lah, I gay. So Syariff," he dragged his student's name purposefully and winked. "You sure you don't want to run away now?"

Syariff crossed his arms over his chest and scrunched up his face in comical horror. The laughter that burst from Wendy sounded much more genuine than before, and slowly, a smile was restored on Bhavita's face.

"I-I'm okay. Thanks, everyone."

They gathered around her with words of assurance, and Pierre apologised once more, even agreeing to link arms with Kai Wen just to prove that they were on good terms. Only one person did not join in.

"'Cher, is the briefing over? If it is then I'm going home."

"Yes," Pierre replied after a second of hesitation. "Sorry to hold you up."

James nodded, picked up his bag and skipped out of the classroom.

"Cold bastard," Syariff said through gritted teeth. "I really cannot stand that weirdo."

The other students eventually followed suit and left the classroom. Pierre waved to them with a smile, but he felt worried about the team. Syariff disliked James, James was always in a world of his own, Wendy had a crush on Kai Wen and Bhavita could not deal well with conflicts. True, they did not exactly choose to take part in this competition, but Pierre was sure that, just like him, a part of them really wanted to win. Could he guide them well enough for the task? Would he be able to let them have a taste of success – something which they sorely lacked in their lives?

"This batch is quite a handful," Kai Wen commented, as if he read Pierre's thoughts.

"They are, but so were we when we were young."

The pair stood in silence save the whirling of the fans above their heads and the ticking of the clock. Unlike the morning, the school was a quiet place in the late afternoon and with the big campus and lack of footsteps, Pierre felt as if he was stranded in an island alone with Kai Wen.

If they were indeed alone, together, would something happen?

"I, uh," Kai Wen uttered, clumsily breaking the silence. "I have to go back to the staffroom. Ms Quincy wants to discuss about something regarding St John's*. You have to go back to your basketball players, don't you?"

Pierre clicked his tongue in irritation. He was dumb to feel hopeful that some kind of decent and safe conversation could be held with Kai Wen. For the past three months since he started work in this school, he had looked for opportunities to chat with the other. He wanted to say the standard things, go through the standard reminisce about their secondary school lives and catch up normally about what they did during the many years they had not seen each other. He wanted to get their belated, mature chat over and done with, but Kai Wen would not have it. To that man, it was the sensitive topics or nothing.

So Pierre chose to go along with Kai Wen's excuses, because he preferred the latter option over the former.

As he walked down the stairs and headed for the hall, he looked at the little garden on the ground floor which had a small fountain in the middle. He saw from above the bench on which they used to sit, the one in the corner underneath the big old tree. The tree was withering and could no longer flower, so instead of petals, fallen leaves littered the bench. Brown and brown with specks of dull yellow.

_'Goodbye, Pierre.'_

" _Fuck you. Go to hell. Fuck you…!"_

He stopped on a step and stared, momentarily wanting to go back to when the tree was younger and still flowered. But it was a meaningless wish, one that he had banished repeatedly for many years, and so his walk resumed and he was Mr Tan again, ready to be seen by his students. He did not pause to wonder why that wish kept coming back to haunt him. There was simply no space for him to think about his own problems when he had his students' to deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cheem - hard to understand, complicated.
> 
> *ang moh - literally means 'red-haired'. Refers to caucasians or white people in general. Not a very nice term.  
> 'You always so ang moh' - in this case Kai Wen is referring to the way Pierre speaks.
> 
> *pro - professional. Very good at doing something.
> 
> *sabo - short form of sabotage. Used when pinpointing a person to do something he doesn't want to do.
> 
> *si gin nah - damn child
> 
> *St John's - St John's Ambulance Brigade
> 
> Other than Zitan High which was completely fictional, all other school names are modified names of actual schools in Singapore.  
> ...RI shall be Ruffles Institute


	3. Chapter 3

_Pierre sat at the bench, still wearing his basketball jersey. There was no point in changing out since he was going home soon, so he tolerated the stickiness and waited. This spot was unpopular among students as it was dirtier than the other benches, but Pierre did not mind. In fact it was precisely because no one else liked it, and it seemed removed from the rest of the garden, that he preferred this bench under the tree. He was sweaty anyway, what harm could a bit of dirt, leaves and petals do to him?_

_Kai Wen had agreed to come to his house to study. How things came to this was a long story that involved their first victory in the debate preliminaries, Kai Wen's growing interest in debate and Mrs Poon's suggestion. While that sounded like an inspirational story about the transformation of a problematic student, it was not the complete truth. Pierre was just bored, and Kai Wen just did not feel like going home._

_A patter of footsteps lifted Pierre's head from the book he had taken out to read, and he saw Kai Wen running towards him while struggling with two sling bags._

" _Sorry sorry! End late today."_

" _It's okay," Pierre replied as he dusted off and got up from his seat. "Do you want to change out of your uniform first?"_

_Kai Wen lifted his arm and sniffed his armpit, much to Pierre's disdain, and satisfied with the way he smelled, he grinned._

" _Never mind lah! I not too stinky. Today St John don't know why only got theory. Theory no practical got use meh? Damn boring, don't know why need to wear uniform. Wear PE T-shirt also can learn theory what. Wear home clothes also can study mah, remember that debate topic? Ey you very sweaty leh, you don't want to change meh?"_

_There it was – Kai Wen's tendency to jump topics rapidly without giving the other a window to respond. At least he came back to the original topic at the end of his rant, so Pierre decided to just ignore everything sandwiched in between._

" _I'm fine. We're going to my place any way, I can shower then," he said as he walked out of the school gate with Kai Wen obediently following behind. "You can shower at my place too, if you like."_

" _Haha! You scared later I stink up your house right? Don't worry lah!" Along with that exclamation, Kai Wen slung an arm around Pierre's shoulder, throwing the other a little off balance. "Nah* you smell. I still okay right?"_

" _Wah lao*, get lost lah!"_

_Pierre shoved Kai Wen away, and the cheeky guy laughed triumphantly as he stumbled to the side._

" _Good! Use Singlish is good! But even better if you say 'fuck off'. Sound more fierce."_

_The advice, given in such a matter-of-fact manner, somehow tickled Pierre. A smile spread on his lips, but he still tried to maintain a dignified façade._

" _I'm supposed to be teaching you English, don't you turn it around and teach me Singlish and vulgarities."_

" _You don't need teach lah, you already know. Act guai* only right?"_

_Kai Wen's relentless poking eventually made his smile broaden into a grin, and he gave Kai Wen another shove._

" _Irritating lah you!"_

" _Try, say 'fuck off'."_

" _Han na*! F-Fuck off…!"_

_That must have been the most demure and least threatening 'fuck off' ever uttered in the history of mankind, for Pierre was embarrassed, chortling and running out of breath when he cursed. Both of them carried on this way, randomly cursing and laughing until they reached the HDB* block that Pierre stayed at, and only then did they lower their volume since they did not want the public to complain to the school about them. Normally, Pierre would not even have done something so pointless, he hated trouble after all, but somehow he had gone along with Kai Wen's flow. Without even realising it, he had become friends with the troublesome guy, and he found the time they spent together more colourful than before._

"Mr Tan! Pass!"

Heeding the call, Pierre dug his heel to abruptly stop his run, thereby throwing off his opponent, and he flung the ball to the student waiting at the three-point line. The pass connected solidly and the student spared only a short moment to aim before sending the ball in a straight line towards the basket.

"Yes! Three points! Ahmad you're awesome!"

Students gathered around their ace and praised him, even those who were playing for the opposite side, because this was just a casual friendly match and they were all part of Zitan’s basketball team.

Pierre watched his students with pride. The students of Zitan might not be good at studying, but they were definitely a force to be reckoned with when it came to sports. This year's batch showed promise, and Pierre struggled to keep up with his students' youthful energy and drive. He had not played basketball for years, and the lack of practice diminished his stamina.

"Mr Tan, another round can?"

"You guys go ahead. I think I need to rest."

Waving away the good-natured jeers and complaints, Pierre made his way to the water cooler. It was only after he quenched his thirst that he worried about his appearance. Perhaps it was foolish of him to agree to a match although he did not bring a change of clothes. His shirt was drenched and the fabric clung uncomfortably to his skin. And he stank. If he walked into the staffroom like this, all the female teachers would complain.

Without much of a choice, he sat at the foyer and waited for his shirt to dry. Several teachers and students passed him by, concerned that he might be sick, and he had to explain over and over that he was fine and simply resting. Just when he thought he was finally going to be left alone, a school bus pulled up at the foyer and out popped the St John Ambulance Brigade's cadets, followed by the teacher officers.

"Woah, Pierre! Did you get caught in the rain?"

"Please address me formally when we are in front of students, Mr Chen."

Kai Wen only smiled at that, and since he had to debrief the students, he could not spend more time talking. From where Pierre sat, he watched the man standing before his cadets. Wearing the familiar white uniform with silver buttons and black pants, Kai Wen resembled how he looked fourteen years ago. The only difference was the cap badge on his beret and the rank displayed on his shoulder epaulette. But unlike in the past, the present Kai Wen seemed much more grounded and suited to this role.

He remembered asking young Kai Wen how he ended up in St John's, and the guy had grumbled non-stop about how he had no choice and was simply thrown into this Co-Curricular Activity (CCA). He was then asked why a 'bookworm' like him chose basketball. Pierre answered that it was because he was tall, and that led to Kai Wen going on a funny rampage cursing his delayed growth spurt.

" _I also want sports CCA! So good. You good in everything. I envy you."_

" _Aiya, uniform groups are not so bad lah. You get to look handsome in uniform."_

The debriefing was over in an instant and the cadets dispersed. Kai Wen also went up to the staffroom with Ms Quincy, the other teacher officer. Pierre subconsciously watched Kai Wen until he disappeared from sight, then he leaned back, closed his eyes and sighed. His face was still flushed and the weather was insanely humid, he could not wait to go into the air-conditioned staffroom.

"Here."

A packet dropped on his lap and made him bolt upright. He stared at the object sealed in plastic and then turned to the man standing beside him for explanation.

"An extra T-shirt. You played basketball with your students, right? Go get changed."

Printed on the front of the T-shirt were the cheesy words 'United Unicorns' with a big number four in the background. Upon taking it out and examining it, Pierre realised that the name of the owner was printed at the back.

He gave Kai Wen a really weird look, and the latter coughed.

"Class T-shirt. They insisted that I buy one, but I've never worn it."

"It says 'Mr Chen'. You want me to wear your name home?"

"You can always argue that you are a 'Mr Chen' too, since your Chinese surname is also Chen."

"That's not the point," Pierre said and dipped his head. He was uncomfortable with this idea on so many levels, but this was Kai Wen's show of kindness, and he should be grateful that he could at least go home without looking and smelling like a sewer rat. If only his car was not sent for servicing. He would not have to go through this if he could have just driven home.

"Thanks," he muttered in defeat. He was about to go to the toilet when he noticed something. Kai Wen had his bag with him, ready to go home, but he was still wearing his St John's uniform. "How about you? Aren't you going to change?"

"Just gave you what I had wanted to change into."

Pierre immediately tried to return the T-shirt, but Kai Wen held up a hand and stopped him.

"Don't worry, I don't mind going home like this."

"But - !"

"I…look handsome in this uniform, right?"

The half-bashful-half-confident question sent blood rushing to the tip of Pierre's ears. Thankfully, his face was already flushed to begin with, so that extra bit of redness was not obvious. He just wished his facial expression did not give himself away.

"Huh?! If you look handsome, then I win Manhunt loh!"

Apparently his flustered tone betrayed him. He could only try to look angry as Kai Wen chuckled.

"You know, this feels like when we were teens," he said as he removed his beret and ran a hand through his hair. "It's been so long since I heard you use Singlish."

"I've never been one to use much Singlish. You're the one who’s changed. You – "

The rest of what he wanted to say dissolved into the tender silence that Pierre suddenly found himself in. They looked at each other, studying from the corner of their eyes how age had impacted them but not quite transformed features that they recognised. Kai Wen looked young, like he was still in his early twenties, like he was just slightly older than when they were fifteen…

The spell broke when Kai Wen looked away.

"The first debate topic will be announced tomorrow morning. I'm leaving it to you to coach the students. Think you can handle it? No wait, of course you can. You were the one who coached me. By the way, don't worry about returning the T-shirt. Take your time. I'll make a move first."

"Wait!"

Pierre wondered why he called out. He had nothing in particular that he wanted to say and he found himself at a lost when Kai Wen did wait. Panicking, he searched for something to say or questions to ask. What happened to the chat he wanted to have with Kai Wen? Didn't he want to ask about what he did after he left? Would he be misunderstood if he asked if he had a girlfriend? Or perhaps he could ask about his mother…but that was too personal a topic to broach at this point. Too confused, he ended up saying nothing at all and the prolonged silence led to a nervous laugh from Kai Wen.

"Can't bear to see me go?" he teased, but both of them had a feeling that it was more than that, and it was definitely enough to snap Pierre back to his defensive mode.

"Get lost lah."

"See you tomorrow."

Pierre stood alone at the foyer while the other strode out the school gate. Beside him, displayed within tall cabinets were golden trophies earned mainly by the sports groups. Long ago, a silver trophy for a debate competition stood among the gold, and that was one of the silly reasons why Pierre applied to teach in this school; he wanted to see if it was still there, or anywhere in the school. He found out in his first week that it was simply lost.

Of course, he chose to come back here mainly because he wanted to give back to the school what it had given him in his youth. He could not claim to love all his irritating students, but he wanted to do a part in nurturing them. Teaching was his calling, and he believed he could teach best in an environment familiar to him.

But there was another reason that was becoming harder to deny. The reminders were all around him, the campus, the debate, their CCAs; they acted like mirrors, reflecting the past from various angles, making it such that it was impossible for Pierre not to see.

A new teacher had to stay in the school he was posted to for a minimum of two years before he could apply to teach elsewhere. After that, he had to stay in that school for a minimum of three years. That meant, if neither of them resigned, they would have to face each other almost every day for the next three years.

Pierre stared at the T-shirt he held in his hands, wondering if he had made a mistake by choosing to come back here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *nah - a tag meaning 'here you go'. Thought I'll just explain this tag because in this story, I use this tag along with the English 'nah' which means 'no'.
> 
> *wah lao - can mean 'damn', 'wow' or 'oh my god', depending on tone and context. Often used when exasperated.
> 
> *act guai - pretend to be a good boy. Guai means obedient in Chinese.
> 
> *Han na - 'okay fine' or 'enough already!', depending on tone.
> 
> *HDB - Housing and Development Board. HDB blocks are high-rise apartments that most Singaporeans live in.
> 
> About the 'United Unicorns', I wrote that because I find it silly how many Singapore schools renamed classes from the traditional 1A, 1B, 1C, etc, to funky names like 1 Caring, 1 Gracious and 1 Patience. It doesn't stop at just listing virtues, I know some schools use mythological creatures.  
> So if a class is unfortunately named 4 Unicorn, I guess they have very few options when it comes to creating slogans.
> 
> As for Pierre and Kai Wen's surnames, yes they share the same Chinese surname, pronounced as 'chen' in Mandarin. That's one of the most common surnames in Singapore. Why then is the English spelling different? That's because the early immigrants from China spoke different dialects, so the same word may be pronounced differently, and the pronunciation was romanized without taking into consideration the actual Chinese character.
> 
> Phew, I ended up explaining a lot. Anyway, I know this chapter is short. Please stay tuned, their first debate topic will be announced in the next chapter!
> 
> Please drop a review to let me know what you think of this story so far!


	4. Chapter 4

This House would ban gambling

Opposition

Pierre took off his spectacles and rubbed the bridge of his nose. In his opinion, luck played a huge role in determining the outcome of a debate. The opponents were decided at random, the topics vary in difficulty, and most importantly, the side of argument was determined for the team. This was the first round out of the three in the preliminaries, and already they were met with a challenge.

The four students remained silent for some time. How rare that was, many teachers would pay for such peace in the classroom, but not Pierre. He shared in his students' worries, and he too was unsure how he could guide them past this rough patch.

They waited for one to break the silence, and not just anyone, they all knew who they were waiting for.

At last, with an awkward clearing of the throat, Syariff spoke up.

"Eh, so basically we have to argue that gambling is good?"

"That there are certain benefits that gambling brings to the society, not necessarily that it is morally sound."

"Certain benefits…like what, 'cher'?"

Pierre kept quiet as he studied the worn out look in the usually cheerful boy's eyes. That was a rhetorical question, though genuine in its own right since Syariff sincerely saw no benefits to gambling at all. Such was the trickiness in debate, one would have to argue for a stand regardless whether they agreed with it.

"Let's do some research first? Cannot expect Mr Tan to tell us everything, right?" Bhavita asked, and her eyes darted to Wendy for back up.

"Debate only. Chill. Don't think too much leh. Okay?"

"I don't know," he said, not looking at anyone in particular. "I know it's just a debate. I know Singapore is a multi-racial country, we all have our own beliefs. But gambling is just wrong. It's a sin, and Allah will punish."

"Syariff…"

"Mr Tan, don't need to tell me anything. I just…I just go chill first okay? Sorry."

They stared after Syariff's back as he left, and then they looked at one another with gloom written all over their faces, except for, as usual, James.

"What's his problem ah?" he asked, actually standing still for once.

"Well, we all know he is Muslim, but that's not the whole reason," Bhavita trailed off, unsure whether she should be sharing about Syariff with James since they did not exactly get along. But before she could decide, Wendy jumped in.

"Aiya it's his parents lah. It's very bad, but they both gamble a lot. Syariff living with his grandma now because everyone else in his family don't like his parents. Ey, you hear liao don't anyhow tell people ah, otherwise I make sure you will never celebrate fathers' day." She ended her threat with a distrusting scowl and a clenched fist that demonstrated the fate of James' testicles should he not do as told.

James, however, did not seem the least bit disturbed.

"Oh. Stupid reason."

"Oi!" Wendy exclaimed, Bhavita tugged at her sleeves, and Pierre had to step in.

"James, be more sensitive," he reprimanded, and felt irked when the boy did not even return his eye contact, like he did not think what he said was wrong at all.

"'Cher, need me to replace him or not?"

"That's up to Syariff to decide."

"You say one ah. Later* we lose because of him, don't blame me."

The cold comment enraged Wendy and she sprang from her chair.

"Oi, bastard!"

"Wendy, don't lah. Don't fight."

Without seeking permission, James ran out of the classroom and ended the confrontation. Wendy remained agitated, though she kept it down out of consideration for Bhavita. Left with only half the team, Pierre assessed that the only option left to him was to meet again another day. In the meantime, the students could do their research, and he would have a proper private chat with Syariff to determine if James should replace him. To him, it was not a matter of winning or losing, he just did not want to force Syariff to debate on a topic that drove too close to home.

The last time it happened, things did not end well.

After leaving basic instructions to the girls, Pierre left the class and returned to the staffroom. It was quiet, most teachers had gone home as it was a Friday, and the Senior Management Committee (SMC) was having a meeting. It was a pity, he had wanted to talk to Kai Wen to see if he knew more about Syariff.

He had been entrusted to guide the students, but he could not even hold a proper meeting to discuss strategies. Even if he talked to Syariff, would he be able to make things better? Would he have any positive impact on his student?

He stared at the pile of work on his desk; compositions, worksheets and students' dictation of the national anthem. The least he could do for his students was to help them score better during exams. Sighing, he sat down and resigned himself to marking.

"Wah, Mr Tan, still here ah. Go home, go home! School closing!"

The old lady, Mdm Rasidah grinned at Pierre with her incomplete set of teeth. He exchanged greetings with her and wished her a good weekend. The sound of metal shutters closing echoed in the school compound, and Mdm Rasidah limped off to check that all doors were locked.

The sky was a beautiful blend of orange and dark blue, but Pierre only stared at it in worry. If possible, he wanted to reach home before it turned dark. That was harder to accomplish with his car still unavailable; it was found that his brakes were not functioning well and thus needed repair. For a while, he considered taking a taxi, but at this peak hour, he might get caught in the traffic jam and end up being home even later. Besides, the interior of a car was darker than in the MRT at night.

Public transport it was, he decided with a yawn. His back ached and his neck was stiff, but he felt fulfilled because he managed to finish everything he had to do. He told his students the debate topic, he marked and he prepared for his lessons next week, including the powerpoint slides and the worksheets…

Pierre's feet came to an abrupt stop as dread slowly descended on him.

He had forgotten to print the worksheets that he needed on Monday. Three classes' worth of worksheets.

Without much thought, he scrambled back inside. Thankfully, the shutters of the staircase leading to the staffroom was not down yet. He might be able to make it before school closed.

"Pierre?"

Huffing, Pierre whirled around in response and he saw Kai Wen carrying his bag, about to leave the staffroom. His face was a distraction and reminded Pierre of something else he had wanted to do.

"Good, you wait here. I want to talk to you about Syariff."

"Huh? What about Syariff?"

"Wait, wait, I have to print something first!"

He passed Kai Wen to get inside, whipped out a copy of the worksheet from his file and charged for the photocopiers in the resource room. At the back of his head, he realised that Kai Wen followed him instead of waiting outside, but it did not bother him. He had to print the worksheets now because of all days, he had first period on a Monday and he would not have time to print before that.

Muttering a repetition of 'shit', he set the photocopier to work as quickly as he could. Unfortunately while he could work quickly,  _it_  could not. The machine churned as it warmed up, a low rumbling akin to guttural grunts of an old man, and it went on for a few seconds too long.

"Do you need any help?" Kai Wen asked from behind, and Pierre shushed him with impatience.

At last, the machine was awake and Pierre shoved the worksheets to the feeder with as much delicacy as he could. He certainly did not want to risk breaking the old man at such a crucial moment.

"I can help using another photocopier. How many copies do you need?"

Help was offered once again and Pierre thought twice about trying to do this alone. He was in a hurry, and Kai Wen's suggestion sounded good to him. So after making another master copy, he passed it to the other and told him to print for a class of forty. But it was in that moment that disaster struck - paper jam.

"Why?" Pierre groaned, and sent the old machine a kick. It did not solve the problem, his worksheet still remained stuck inside and he had to open it up to retrieve it before he could resume printing. Meanwhile, the photocopier on Kai Wen's side ran out of paper.

"Pierre, you really suey* leh."

"Shut up lah wah lao."

They worked silently on solving their respective problems. Kai Wen suffered a paper cut as he loaded the new stack of paper and Pierre accidentally touched the scalding surface of the engine, but neither of them paused, until the lights suddenly went out.

The engines of both machines died an abrupt death, and the last whine faded away with a frail wheeze. Pierre and Kai Wen were plunged into not just darkness, but also silence and the horror from the realisation of what was happening to them.

"The central power's down," Kai Wen said and turned his head mechanically to face Pierre. "Rephrase. The central power's been shut down."

"Shit."

"Shit indeed."

The shock took some time to wear off, and when it did, it was replaced by a pure sense of urgency. Together, they burst out of the resource room and fought to reach the door of the staffroom first. Pierre won, but his exclamation was not that of a victor.

"Shit! We're locked in!"

Kai Wen ran the other direction and tried the second door, but it too was locked. In panic, Pierre pried open the blinds covering the sealed glass window and his heart sank when he saw a familiar figure locking up the school gate and turning away.

"Wait!" Pierre shouted as he banged on the glass. "Mdm Rasidah! We're still inside!"

"She won't be able to hear us. It's too far."

Kai Wen was right, Pierre knew that, but he continued trying until the lady was completely out of sight. Outside, the sky turned darker and less light entered the staffroom. When the sun set, it did so with vigour and by the time Pierre gave up, the staffroom was near pitch black.

His fists fell away from the window and stayed by his side. He kept his sight outwards, focusing on the street lamps that were visible from the slits between the blinds while working hard to control his breathing.

"Pierre…Pierre!"

"Huh?"

With reluctance, Pierre looked away from the comforting light to face Kai Wen. He let out a yelp when he saw that man's face illuminated eerily from bottom-up.

"Fuck!" he cursed, backed away until his back hit the glass and held up a hand to cover his mouth.

"You scared of ghost?" Kai Wen purposely asked with a low voice, and he chuckled when Pierre glared daggers at him. "Okay, okay, don't worry. See, we can use the torchlight app on our phones."

"…It consumes battery. Mine is already running out."

"You can use mine," Kai Wen said and pushed the hand phone, with torchlight at full blast, into Pierre's hand. "I'm going to my laptop to see if I can find any useful contact numbers."

Pierre stared at the hand phone in his hand and the light it offered. The tension in his throat slowly released its grip, and air entered more easily, supplying his brain with the much needed oxygen in order to think. He took out his own hand phone and searched for people to contact. From what he knew, only three people held the keys to the school gate. Mdm Rasidah, Mr Goh and Mr Vignesh, all of whom were non-teaching staff. Pierre had neither of their numbers.

"No good," Kai Wen called from his cubicle. "LAN's down, can't access the staff contact list in the shared folder."

"No luck on my side either. I don't have any of the non-teaching staff's numbers," Pierre replied, and he sucked in a breath when he heard footsteps closing in. Obviously, it was Kai Wen's, but hearing the sound and seeing nothing unnerved him.

_He could see nothing, not even his own fingers even though they were right before him. The space was small, he couldn't breathe, and he wanted to get out so much because he knew it was bright outside but he was not allowed to. He had to remain in the darkness until he learnt his lesson._

"Hey, you okay?"

He snapped his head from the pool of light on the floor. Sweat coated his forehead, and he did not have enough strength to mask the fear that was overtaking him. He stared at Kai Wen without saying anything.

"Pierre, are you still…?"

Ashamed, he cast his face aside and nodded. Then for a long time, Kai Wen kept quiet, and that silence only increased Pierre's anxiety. Unable to bear it, he complained.

"You shouldn't have followed me. Mdm Rasidah would've seen you if you had remained outside the staffroom. Then she wouldn't have locked us in."

"You're blaming me? I am trapped here because of you, you know?"

Kai Wen's tone was jovial, but that accusation struck Pierre at the sorest spot, and he could not help but wonder if Kai Wen was conscious of the double meaning it held, because in many ways, they were indeed both trapped in Zitan and in their past. Or perhaps it was only Pierre who was trapped. Perhaps he was thinking too much because of his anxiety.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"Nah, don't worry. Anyway, it's better that I'm here with you," Kai Wen's said and added softly, "I wouldn't want to leave you alone in the dark."

Another pause followed, this time gentler than before, and Pierre felt less scared, though his mind swam with questions he did not dare to ask. But then he remembered he had work-related questions, so he used that to fill the silence.

"I wanted to ask you about Syariff."

"Oh yeah, you mentioned. But before that," Kai Wen retrieved his phone from Pierre and grinned helplessly. "Let's send out as much SOS as possible, before both our phones run out of battery."

Being locked in the staffroom had various inconveniences. The floor was hard and not conducive for sleeping, and with the air conditioner not working, the room was stuffy. But the worst problem, the two men soon realised, was that they could not go to the toilet.

"This is an emergency. Maybe we should dial 999, or 995*," Kai Wen suggested with a laugh, and Pierre rolled his eyes.

"Sure, and we can look forward to tomorrow's newspapers. 'Teachers stuck in staffroom' may become one of the headlines."

"Better that than 'Teachers peed in staffroom', right?"

That elicited a heartfelt laugh from Pierre, though it did not sustain as his bladder was near bursting point. Desperate, they searched the desktops of their colleagues, hoping to find one with the key to the staffroom door. Several camps took place during the recent March holidays, and the teachers staying over were handed keys for safety reasons.

"Which CCAs had their camps?" Pierre asked and tried to list them out. "Band, dance, volleyball, hockey…"

"…and St John's."

Pierre looked at Kai Wen, speechless. The other only mumbled an embarrassed apology.

Their golden key was found in a forgotten corner of Kai Wen's desk. It led the way to liberation for their bladders, and neither could contain their moans of relief upon finding release, no matter how wrong they might have sounded. Crisis overcome, they roamed about the school compound, trying to find a way to get to the first floor, but there was none because all the shutters were down.

Past macabre jokes of jumping to the first floor, they settled down and sat side by side in a corridor where moonlight shone the brightest. By then, both of their phones had run out of battery. Calls were made, text messages were sent, but they did not get many replies, mainly because it was a Friday night and most people did not want to pay attention to work related matters. The sympathetic replies they received were disappointing as none of them knew the numbers of the gate key bearers. This was a serious loophole in their school's security system, Kai Wen had noted duly and resolved to speak to the management about it.

"It's 10.30," Kai Wen reported after looking at his watch. "Do you think anyone will come?"

"Don't know," Pierre said and shrugged. "Not a big deal even if we have to spend the night here. We can access the toilet, and there's food and water in the staff lounge."

"Yeah, and it's brighter out here than in the enclosed staffroom."

Pierre turned to look at Kai Wen, wondering what he should say to that, but the other only stared at the night sky.

"So next Friday is their first debate," Kai Wen said and Pierre nodded. "They'll pull through. Don't worry about Syariff, I'll talk to him."

"Thanks. I think you're better at this than me. You have better rapport with your students."

It was an ability that Pierre admired, not just of Kai Wen, but of all other teachers who could be friends with their students while maintaining a professional distance. For Pierre, it was one or the other, and he chose to be their teacher. That did not mean he was made of metal. To see Syariff so distraught struck a chord in him and made him want to help in a greater capacity beyond what a teacher could afford. Wanting but not being able to help felt the worst.

He drew his knees to his chest when Kai Wen turned to him.

"You're a little stern and stiff, but they like you too."

"Thanks."

"I'm not just humouring you," Kai Wen clarified. "That's truly what I think after observing your lessons. Your students appreciate your genuine belief that they would learn, and they understand the reasons behind your strictness."

"Is this a post-observation colloquium?" Pierre asked with a wry smile.

"No. I understand what they feel because I felt the same way…when you used to teach me."

Pierre shifted and placed his arms about his knees, pretending not to notice the subtle change in tone. Beside him, Kai Wen straightened his legs and leaned against the wall.

"I knew you'd become a teacher. That's why I became one too."

Kai Wen's voice dropped to a whisper near the end, and Pierre felt the insides of his chest lurch. He tried not to dwell on it, and he worked to change the subject.

"So how did you become the head of department so quickly?"

"Having a Harvard degree helped," Kai Wen said while moving his hands up to act as cushion for his head. "But mainly it's the high turn-over rate. You know how the students here are. Not surprising for teachers to be driven mad."

Pierre gave a polite chuckle. Kai Wen did so too, and the atmosphere was reset to normalcy.

"Do you remember Mr Vail? That crazy chemistry teacher?" Pierre asked without hiding his enthusiasm. This was the chance he had been waiting for, the conversation he wanted to have.

"Of course! Glad he quit, otherwise he'd be our colleague. Can you imagine?"

"Hah! Out of our teachers, only Ms Cheng remained. I guess she's the sole survivor."

"I asked her once how she could stand us. Her answer? 'Ruler'."

They looked at each other and laughed. Then Kai Wen pointed to a classroom on the opposite block, one level above them.

"There, our Sec 1 classroom. She slammed the wooden metre rule so hard it broke. Remember?"

"Not allowed to hit us, so she took it out on the whiteboard," Pierre nodded while grinning. "Quite a strategy to manage stress. Proved effective."

"We should learn from her," Kai Wen concluded, and he moved his finger to point at another classroom at a corner. "That's our Sec 2 classroom, right?"

"Yeah, that's where Wen Zhe peed his pants." A chuckle burst from Pierre before he could stop himself.

"Ey, so bad, don't laugh at him leh. He got medical condition lah."

"Wah, I wonder who laughed the hardest back then. Heng* we found your key, otherwise we'd have followed after his footsteps just now."

Eventually, their laughter faded off to comfortable silence, but Pierre was keen to chat more. He enjoyed reminiscing and talking about the funny episodes of youth, and Kai Wen was easier to talk to than he imagined. Raising his hand, he pointed at a classroom at the topmost level, only barely visible from where they sat.

"That's our Sec 3 classroom, do you remember?"

"I will never forget that place."

"Why – ?"

The question did not fully leave Pierre's mouth before it was clamped shut. Kai Wen stared straight into his eyes, and they searched for answer with so much intensity that Pierre found it hard to look away. And he suddenly remembered that he had been caught in the same gaze before, a long time ago.

" _Wait, n-not in class…"_

" _No one will see."_

The acceleration of heartbeat sent blood pumping in his arteries, and he tore his eyes from Kai Wen, choosing instead to focus on the moon that looked extra fascinating that night.

"I'm leaving Syariff to you," he blurted in an attempt to steer their conversation back to safety. "You understand him better since you went through the same thing before."

"So you do remember."

Remember what? Pierre did not ask, because if he did he would have to explain what else he remembered, and he remembered way too much.

Nothing else was said between them, and though it got colder, neither suggested going back into the staffroom. They waited that way, staying close but separate. Pierre watched the moon climb higher into the sky while Kai Wen lay down and closed his eyes. It was not clear how much time passed in that silence, and Pierre did not know what time it was when he heard the rattling of the school gate and Mdm Rasidah's voice.

He thought he would feel relieved to be rescued from the awkwardness between himself and Kai Wen. He was surprised that he felt disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *later - in this case it means 'if'
> 
> *suey - unlucky
> 
> *995 - number for ambulance
> 
> *heng - lucky
> 
> This stuck-in-staffroom plot is actually a modified version of a true story.


	5. Chapter 5

_He found out only because he walked in on Kai Wen when he was changing his shirt._

" _What happened?"_

_Small lines were scattered on his back, some still red, and his shoulders and rib cage were blue and black. The bruises and scars were all hidden in places that would not show when he wore his school uniform. None of them looked accidental._

_Kai Wen appeared shocked for a while, then he put on an uncertain smile._

" _Don't tell anyone hor."_

* * *

On hindsight, it was really dumb of Pierre to risk being locked in the staffroom just to print those worksheets. In the end, he got them printed in a bookshop and though that cost a few dollars, it saved him much hassle. He wondered whether he should just give up printing worksheets in school altogether.

"Still printing?" Kai Wen asked and Pierre shook his head.

"Forget it. Let's go."

It was the first day of the debate competition, and he was not in the mood to struggle with the stubborn machines in the resource room. Their students waited for them at the foyer, and Pierre was to drive them to the venue. No bus was booked since there were no student supporters; there would be none unless they got past the three preliminary rounds to the quarter finals. The only supporters they had were their teachers.

"Is Syariff okay?" Pierre asked as he packed his bag. "He did his research. I had a look at his notes and gave him some pointers, but we did not chat beyond that."

"He wasn't very responsive when we talked. I think he's still trying to sort things out on his own. We'll just have to give him space."

"You're optimistic."

"On the contrary," Kai Wen said, his eyes downcast. "This is part of his growth, he has to learn to deal with his inner struggles, and there's not much we can do to help. Even if we feel worried, we have no reason to stop him if he doesn't want to stop. We can only believe in him."

Pierre did not agree, but he kept his views to himself. James' offer to replace Syariff still stood as a valid option in his mind, and it was one he would take if he deemed Syariff not ready for the debate, regardless of what Kai Wen had to say. Better to crush his ego than damage his soul.

"' _Cher, you cannot make Kai Wen replace Jia Xin."_

" _Pierre, Jia Xin is not feeling well. Kai Wen is the reserve. This is his role."_

" _I know! But not for this topic. Only this topic cannot. 'Cher!"_

" _Never mind lah Pierre. I try. Let me try." Kai Wen said with a forced smile and Pierre felt more torn than ever. "Must at least win preliminaries, right?"_

He could not do anything back then, but now he was the teacher and he had control. As he walked to his car, he glanced at Syariff chatting with his team mates and pretending nothing was wrong, and he resolved to protect his students.

* * *

One hour before the debate, Pierre gathered his minions and ran through the points of their argument one last time.

"Syariff will start by talking about the positive economic effects of gambling. You know what to say right?"

"Improves tourism, creates jobs. We rehearsed, I know what to say."

"Good. Wendy will be talking about gambling as leisure, anticipate counter argument by differentiating gambling addicts from drug addicts, and stress that – "

"Only a minority of gamblers are addicts. Don't worry 'cher, I'll slam them with the statistics and nail the argument."

"Very good. Finally, Bhavita…"

"The real problem is not the existence of the concept of gambling, but the lack of self-restraint caused by little awareness of the harmfulness of addiction. Just like how taking sweets away from a child doesn't teach him to eat in moderation, banning gambling is not a true solution to societal problems."

Pierre nodded with satisfaction. The kids were not lying when they said they worked harder for this than for their exams…which was not exactly a good thing actually, but nevertheless, Pierre felt proud of them.

Standing by the door was the equally proud Kai Wen, and he applauded the students.

"Not bad! I can see Mr Tan guided you well."

"That's too early to say," Pierre said and coughed. "We'll only know how well they do when the actual debate begins."

"That's true." Kai Wen smiled as he scanned the faces of the three students. Then he scanned the empty room. "By the way does anyone know where James is?"

All fell silent in that instant, and that answered Kai Wen's question.

"Oh no," Pierre mumbled and rested his forehead on his palm. "I'm sorry."

"Haha, don't worry. I'll look for him. Maybe he went to the toilet."

Kai Wen placed his hand on Pierre's shoulder, gave it a light squeeze, and jogged off to find James. Pierre wanted to help, but he had to stay with his students a while more before sending them to the battlefield. Besides, he was still worried about Syariff. The boy had grown quieter with each passing minute and it was obvious that nervousness was not the only thing eating away at him. The girls must have noticed too, they kept saying words of encouragement to him, reassuring him that they've got his back.

But as it turned out, Syariff was not receptive.

"'Cher, can I talk to you for a while?" he asked, head turned away so as to not see the disappointment on the girls' faces.

A part of Pierre saw this coming, though he had hoped it would not. Kai Wen was not around for him to rely on this time. He had to tackle Syariff's issue on his own.

* * *

They found a secluded study corner a distance away from the preparation room. Syariff leaned against the railings, looked out and met the strong gusts of wind blowing right in his face.

"When James is found, have him replace me."

Pierre took in a deep breath to remain calm.

"What did Mr Chen tell you when the two of you spoke?"

"He said I must put aside my personal feelings if I want the team to win," Syariff spoke as he dipped his head. "I want the team to win. I know Wendy and Bhavita worked very hard because they are concerned about me. But I cannot, 'cher. I cannot, and I don't want to make them lose."

"You say this less than one hour before the debate. It's not fair to James."

A loud bang sounded as Syariff hit the metal railings with his fist. If it were any other teacher, that act would have appeared defiant, but that was not the case for Pierre. He recognised Syariff's frustration and knew part of it was directed at himself, for his physical venting was more out of helplessness than anger. He had seen the same helplessness before, in the eyes of another person.

"Sorry lah 'cher. Sorry. I tried, but I cannot stand on stage and say what I don't believe. I cannot do that because I cannot forgive my parents."

And as Syariff ranted, Pierre heard again, Kai Wen's broken voice.

" _Sorry Pierre, I made the team lose. I'm useless. I cannot pretend that I'm okay."_

"They always gamble, you know? They lose all their money and always ask others for more. They cannot buy me textbooks never mind, but they throw my face!"

" _All these, all my pain, I had to say they are justified leh. I had to say my mom can beat me and beat me some more because I look like pa, because I am naughty, because I need discipline."_

"Now my Nenek* scared I will grow up to be like them. Become a gambler also, a sinner."

" _How come I can say all that? Maybe because I also think like my ma…"_

"She scared it's in my genes, and maybe she is right. I am always thinking about winning and losing, always calculating the odds..."

" _Maybe when I have children in the future, I beat them too."_

"If I say I support gambling, I may become a gambler too."

"Don't be siao* lah!"

A palm smashed a table nearby and the resounding crash startled Syariff. Pierre was startled too, he hardly even registered his own exclamation and only felt the pain on his hand after he realised what he was doing. He breathed heavily, wondering why he was so agitated. Hadn't he decided earlier to make James replace Syariff if he was not ready? Why was he contradicting himself?

"…'Cher. First time I hear you speak Singlish leh," Syariff commented with an amused smile despite the situation.

"Aiya you shut up! You shut up and listen to me."

"Okay 'cher, I listen. Chill."

"Chill your head! You then need to chill!" Pierre huffed, embarrassed that he was actually teased by his student. "You are super stubborn. Why didn't you listen to Mr Chen?! He went through the same thing as you, but you think you're so clever, you don't want to take his advice. You think you have it bad? He had it worse than you! He was abused by his mother and had to debate that corporal punishment can help discipline children. You know how difficult it was for him?!"

He was rambling. He didn't know what he was saying, and he was already kicking himself for revealing Kai Wen's background to a student, but he could not stop either.

"But he debated! We lost that match, but he debated! And do you see him using corporal punishments? Do you see him hitting students?"

"No, 'cher."

"Exactly! Look, I don't care whether we win or lose the debate, but you cannot lose to yourself. Go up there and debate. Show everyone that you can see the other side of the argument and still remain as a non-gambler!"

Pierre ended the passionate speech with his face flushed, and Syariff on the other hand appeared more poised. The younger one shifted his weight from one foot to another while wearing a smile, and he nodded to himself as he took his time to digest his teacher's words.

"Don't lose to myself, huh? 'Cher you very dramatic leh, but you make sense." He looked up and face Pierre with renewed spunk. "Okay lah, on*. I will show them all they cannot play-play* with Zitan. Like what Mr Chen said, I will leave my personal opinions out of this. If he could do it, I think I can too."

"That's the spirit." Pierre's relaxed his shoulders with a sigh and congratulated himself for successfully encouraging Syariff to persevere. He wasn't sure if this would end well, but he would just have to believe, like what Kai Wen said.

"'Cher."

Syariff's voice made him pause on their way back to the team, and he raised an eyebrow.

"You're very close with Mr Chen hor?"

His throat became scratchy all of a sudden and did not agree with his saliva. Choking and coughing, Pierre sputtered, "Wh-wh-what?!"

"Wah 'cher, relax, no need to be shy!" Syariff said and laughed. "I'm just saying that you two are very buddy-buddy. At first I thought you don't like him leh."

"Is…Is that so…"

"Friendship is hard to maintain but you two stayed friends for so many years. Kudos to you."

That was not true. They did not exactly stay as friends. Even though there were times that felt as if they had not been apart at all, there were fourteen years of separation between them, fourteen years worth of experiences not shared. Pierre wondered if he could even refer to Kai Wen as his friend now that they were suspended in this false belief of their closeness. He was different from his fifteen-year-old self, of course he could not expect Kai Wen to have stayed the same. The same went for their relationship.

"Yeah, we're friends."

He gave Syariff a weak smile and carried on his way.

* * *

"Next, we invite the last speaker from the opposition to present the argument."

Watching from the audience's seat was torturous for Pierre. His hands were clasped tight on his lap and his bottom lip was abused from over-chewing. The heated atmosphere had stirred the sleeping desire to debate in him; he could not help formulating arguments in his head whenever the proposition spoke, and then feeling agonised when he could not share them with his students. He listened to Bhavita's speech with held breath and his heart skipped each time their opponent offered a point of information.

"...as such, the societal problems that the proposition mentioned cannot be solely blamed on gambling…"

"Point of information!"

"Say no, say no, say no," Pierre muttered to himself and he vaguely heard Kai Wen chuckling beside him. Contrary to his hopes, Bhavita allowed the point of information. It was the worst timing.

"Mdm, you said that gambling cannot be solely blamed, which means that you also recognise it as one of the reasons for the societal problems. We propose banning gambling precisely to remove the reason and thus aid in the reduction of such problems..."

Caught off guard, Bhavita stuttered as she tried to reply, then she quickly resumed presenting her prepared points with a whiter face, obviously shaken up by her opponent.

Pierre groaned and Kai Wen gave his shoulder a pat.

"Leave them to it, let them struggle through this."

"I know, but I just… argh!" His hushed cry of frustration made Kai Wen laugh, and that in turn made Pierre even more frustrated. "I want to smack Bhavita. She's a really good speaker, probably the best in the team, but the way she tackled the point of information was horrible!"

"Looks like you have your work carved out for you."

"Easy for you to say," Pierre sulked and focused again on the debate. His focus was however disrupted when he felt something on his hair. Thinking it was a bug, he moved to brush it away by reflex, only to realise that the bug was much bigger than he thought.

He forgot that they were in an air-conditioned room, and the likelihood of there being a bug was low.

Kai Wen looked guilty.

"Erm, can you like, let go?"

For a while, Pierre did not understand, as he was busy looking at Kai Wen and finding it rare to see the man flustered. When he finally realised he was gripping Kai Wen's fingers in his palm, he dropped them as he would drop burning coal.

"Sorry," he mumbled, and he wondered why he was the one apologising. The more he thought about it, the more it did not sit well on him, so he spoke up again and refused to drop the topic. "What were you doing with my hair?"

"...There was something on it," came the classic excuse. Pierre did not buy it.

"What, dandruff? I can remove them on my own thank you very much."

"Okay, fine, sorry." Kai Wen mumbled and offered no more explanation.

Satisfied with the apology, Pierre returned his attention to the debate. Bhavita's speech was ending and soon they would have some time to discuss before presenting their reply speech. Once again fully focused, he did not notice the intent brewing in Kai Wen.

A jab in his side sent a painful jolt up his spine and Pierre gasped as he jerked upright.

"What the f – ?!" he whispered harshly and, to show proof of the violation, held up the hand that he caught in a crushing grip.

"Punishment for revealing my secret," Kai Wen said and his voice did not hold a single trace of guilt this time because they both knew who the one at fault was.

Pierre struggled to keep a straight face, but embarrassment heated his cheeks so he ended up using anger as a cover. He gripped Kai Wen's hand even tighter.

"Y-You're so petty. It was so long ago. That doesn't count as breaking a promise…"

"Well, some of those scars are still on my back, you know?"

It was instant defeat for Pierre. He released his hold and hung his head low.

"I didn't think you'd hear."

"You weren't exactly soft. I think the entire Danmun High School now knows that a certain Mr Chen was abused by his mother."

"Sorry. I got carried away."

Kai Wen beamed at him and then reached out to mess up his hair. And Pierre allowed it this time because he wasn't sure if he was forgiven. What his hair had to do with the issue though, was beyond his comprehension.

But for the rest of the debate, Pierre found himself feeling less nervous for his students. He felt confident as he watched Syariff give the final reply speech that would conclude the debate. The boy looked composed and he delivered his arguments calmly.

"…the decision on whether to build casinos should not be directed by the beliefs of any religious groups, because Singapore is a multi-religious country…"

Applause sounded at the end of Syariff's speech, and the crowd was adjourned for a short break as the judges deliberated on the results. The students threw away the mask of composure when they rushed to their teachers.

"Mr Chen! Did we do well?" Wendy asked anxiously while Bhavita wiped off the sweat on her forehead and panted.

"Oh my god. I was so nervous!"

While Kai Wen entertained the two girls, Syariff quietly went to Pierre.

"'Cher, I won. I didn't lose to myself," he said with a smile, raised his hand and clenched his fist.

"Good," was Pierre's only reply when he bumped that fist with his own, but it was enough for Syariff's smile to spread into a grin.

From behind them, James suddenly spoke up.

"Very bad, worse than all the debates I watched online. I took notes of all your stupid mistakes, later you all can see."

The team gaped at James, then at the pages of messy notes the boy had scribbled, and the same question surfaced in all their heads – wasn't he supposed to have ADHD? The amount of detail in his work did not tally with the 'Attention Deficit' part at all.

"I'm beginning to suspect…" Kai Wen whispered and Pierre nodded.

"Me too."

"You know where he went just now? He went to spy on the other team and was almost caught."

"You noticed how he always avoids eye contact? And how he would sometimes walk too close to you?"

"He always says the wrong things too. Lack of social awareness."

The two teachers looked at each other and wondered why no other teacher caught on before them.

"I'll call his mother and refer him to the school counsellor for a second opinion," Pierre said and Kai Wen gave a thumbs up.

After fifteen minutes, the crowd returned to the lecture theatre, and the judges stood on the podium to announce the results.

Zitan High School lost to Woodlands Circle Secondary School by a narrow margin. They would have to win both the remaining rounds of the Preliminaries to be considered for the quarter-finals.

* * *

" _Maybe when I have children in the future, I beat them too."_

" _Like my ma. She don't love me, always beat me."_

" _But she still my ma leh. How?* I love my ma…"_

_Kai Wen's voice cracked as he spoke and tears gushed from his shut eyes._

_Pierre pulled him in a solid embrace. He did not acknowledge the tears, he pretended not to know that Kai Wen was crying. They stood alone in the void deck* where there were no jeering audience, no students laughing at Kai Wen's horrible English, and no disappointed team mates and teachers. There was no one else around, but it would still be embarrassing for Kai Wen if he pointed out his tears._

_So the only things he said while the other sobbed away were, "you're not like your ma", "you don't deserve to be abused" and "I will teach you English"._

_He let his hug do the rest of the talking._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> *Nenek - grandma in malay
> 
> *siao - crazy
> 
> *on - enthusiastic assent
> 
> *cannot play-play with Zitan - In this case, Syariff is trying to say he won't allow others to mess with Zitan.
> 
> *how? - here, Kai Wen is asking 'what should I do/think/feel?'
> 
> *void deck - ground floor of a HDB block (high rise apartment)
> 
> Those the story is about debate, the debates are actually just a way for the characters to explore their lives and relationships. The focus is still on Kai Wen X Pierre, and that's why I didn't go into details for the debate. Nevertheless, I hope you still enjoy the story!


	6. Chapter 6

_Despite how Pierre tried to be encouraging, Kai Wen changed for the worse after his defeat. He became more easily agitated than usual, and had zero tolerance towards anyone who tried to tell him what to do. Once, a teacher gave them a surprise test and admonished Kai Wen for not being able to do a single question, he flipped his table, strode out of the classroom and slammed the door so hard one of the hinges cracked. He was sent for detention, during which another notorious classmate walked by and taunted him. In his anger, he grabbed that person by the collar, smashed him against the wall and yelled at him, though he was just right outside the staffroom. Mrs Poon dashed out then and threatened to remove Kai Wen from the debate competition if he continued being violent._

" _Remove, remove lah!" he screamed. "Stupid competition! You think I begging to do it ah? I don't give a shit!"_

_Just as he was about to punch the student whom he held captive, he saw from the corner of his eyes Pierre standing by the stairs and watching the scene. His grip loosened, the student scrambled away, and a split second later, Kai Wen took off as well. He was sent for another detention._

_Needless to say, Kai Wen did not go to Pierre's house to study any more. In fact, the two hardly talked, like they suddenly became enemies because Pierre knew Kai Wen's secrets. Pierre had thought Kai Wen was his friend, but with the way things turned out, he realised that it was silly on his part to even contemplate befriending the gangster._

_Yet he found his chest hurting when he came across Kai Wen hanging out at a basketball court a distance away from school, smoking with a group of guys he had never seen. Yes, Zitan High School was filled with bad students, students with horrible backgrounds, students who could not study, but not many were bad at their core. They were still good people who cared about their friends, even their teachers, though they were hopeless at showing it. But these guys were not like that, Pierre could sense from the way they spoke and behaved. If Zitan's students were murky water, these guys were poison._

_They talked about taking revenge on someone. They talked about trying the new product. Kai Wen laughed along as they shared dirty jokes, and he ballooned his bravado with loud proclamation of his enthusiasm to go along with whatever they wanted to do._

_Unable to watch any more, Pierre stepped from the shadows and stood before the group. Questions were asked first among the guys, and when none of them showed recognition, they turned the questions into taunts and threats._

" _Ey what you want? You got four-eyes, still cannot see we having a meeting meh?"_

_They moved to surround Pierre, and it was only then that he realised what trouble he had gotten himself into. He gulped as he was backed against the fence, but still he said nothing. He wanted desperately to believe._

" _Wait."_

_Kai Wen's face was a complicated mixture of anger, shame and fear, when he stepped forward. The other guys paused and turned to look at him for explanation._

" _This one… my brother lah. He a bit stupid one," he said and gave a nervous laugh. "You know, a bit siao one. You say what he also don't understand lah."_

_The tallest and fittest guy in the crowd faced Kai Wen and squinted his eyes, doubtful._

" _Then why you never say anything just now?"_

" _Wah lao, I paiseh* mah. I paiseh got siao brother." Then without giving anyone a chance to say anything, Kai Wen grasped Pierre's hand and started dragging him away. "I bring him go home first. Paiseh ah!"_

_They walked at a steady pace while pretending to be natural, and when they got out of sight, Kai Wen ran, pulling Pierre along, aiming to be at least a few blocks away. The things in their bags clattered as they ran, and their hearts too pounded along with their hurried steps. Their hands separated when they reached a safe spot and they struggled to catch their breaths. Kai Wen managed to do that faster. He whirled around and jabbed a finger in Pierre's chest._

" _Why you follow me?"_

" _I didn't."_

" _Then why you there?! You know who they are or not? You know what they can do to you?"_

" _I don't," Pierre said, stiff huffing as he slapped Kai Wen's hand away. "But do you? Do you know what they can do to you?"_

" _Fucker!" Kai Wen yelled and stomped his foot. "You grow a cheebye* is it?! You think you my mother ah?!"_

" _You lose one debate and become like this." The disappointment that Pierre had been trying to suppress leaked with every word and he could no longer pretend to be nonchalant. "You think you hang out with them very cool? You think you're brave? I tell you, you are the fucker! You are a fucking coward! Chicken!"_

" _Shut up!"_

" _I said I will help you, but you don't want to listen. You want to be loser. You are like a baby, fall down but don't dare to get up because you're scared you'd fall down again!"_

" _Cheebye! I shouldn't have saved you. Let them fuck you upside down!"_

" _Then bring me back lah!" Pierre brought up both his wrists. "You save me for what? Run so far for what? Bring me back there lah, tell them to beat me up! Beat your siao brother up!"_

_It was only for a split second, but Pierre saw it – the pain that flashed in Kai Wen's eyes before he turned away. That was all the reassurance he needed, that Kai Wen had not turned into poison and that it was not too late._

"… _You fucker, you purposely say all that when you know I cannot…!"_

_Kai Wen slid down a wall, sat on the floor and covered his face. It took a long time before he spoke again._

" _What you want me to do?"_

" _I want you to study. Study properly and become damn clever, so that no one can beat you, so that no one will laugh at you ever again." Pierre said with an even tone. He squatted down and held Kai Wen's face with both hands to force their eyes to meet. "And for the fucking last time, I will help you, okay?"_

_The hard stare was held for a few seconds as both of them tried to seek some sort of solace. When enough time had passed to make it clear that Pierre was being serious, he let go and sat down and faced diagonally from each other._

"… _You know," Kai Wen said, smiling amusedly. "You very good at saying 'fuck' now leh. Very fluent already. My fault right?"_

_The mirth was infectious and Pierre found himself smiling too._

" _Yeah loh. Shit. So now you better listen to me ah. Listen to your brother."_

" _Han na, I study lah."_

_Scratching his head, Kai Wen got up to his feet. He paced back and forth like he had something else he wanted to say, then when his internal battle came to a conclusion, he stood behind Pierre and grumbled._

" _I swear I only listen to you ah."_

* * *

Between each round of the preliminaries, there was a one week break before the debate topic was announced, after which they had another week to prepare. Originally, Pierre was thankful for this break because he would not have to see his debate students and could spend the time marking assignments instead. However now he was thankful for a different reason.

"Okay minions, listen up," Pierre brought a stack of paper and dumped them on the teacher's table. "You are absolutely horrible at tackling and giving points of information, and we are going to use this week to do something about it."

"Yeah loh, sibei* horrible," James said and chuckled, drawing dagger glares to himself. "Don't even know when to reject, when to accept."

"Ey James, you say very easy hor? You debate lah!" Syariff complained with a hand thrown into the air.

"Yeah loh! You know how irritating it is?" Wendy joined in, and she stood up to demonstrate. "I can talk talk talk here, then suddenly," she turned to assume the role of her opponent, "point of information!"

"Yeah! Make my heart jump out every time," Bhavita added while tapping her chest.

"Then after I say 'no thank you sir', I forget what I wanted to say!"

"That's because you all got no skill," James said, and the other three jeered at him.

Pierre held back a chuckle as he watched them banter. That day after the competition, the car was unusually quiet as they drove back to Zitan. At first Pierre worried that they might feel crushed by their defeat, because they tried so hard but still could not win. But as it turned out, they were made of tougher stuff.

" _Aiya cher, we very quiet because just now already talk a lot during debate mah. Don't worry, we tired only lah, not emo*. Anyway, not like this is the first time we fail."_

That was what Syariff said. The others had agreed with him and even discussed how they could become better by reading up and doing more research. They also thanked James, albeit quite reluctantly, for the notes he took because they were useful. And Pierre realised that these four were good students, regardless whether this fact was reflected in their results slips. They wanted to learn, so as a teacher, how could he refuse teaching them?

He handed the articles to them and savoured their groans.

"Wah 'cher, really a lot to read leh, Jidan Gao…"

"I found these articles and sorted them according to the issues tackled. Euthanasia, effects of advertising and animal testing. Read them and highlight key points. For the next three days, we will practise debating among ourselves on these three topics."

"Mr Tan, practising sounds good, but we'll only know the topic next week. Why don't we wait till next week to practise?" Bhavita asked.

"You have to broaden your general knowledge of the world. Besides, when you get to the quarter finals, you will only know the topic one hour before the debate starts. There will be no time for you to do research then."

Pierre's explanation was met with an awkward silence. The students looked secretly pleased, or embarrassed, Pierre couldn't tell.

"What? Did I say something wrong?"

"No 'cher. Nothing, 'cher."

"They're happy that you believe they will pass the preliminaries."

The voice came from outside the classroom. Kai Wen peeked in through the window grilles as he spoke, and he grinned at the students.

"'Cher! This kind of thing very pantang* one. Don't say out loud leh. Say already, sekali* we don't pass."

Syariff complained, but he was pretty much ignored by both teachers.

"Mr Chen," Pierre regarded the man as he walked in. "Don't you have SMC meeting?"

"It ended early. I'm free, so I came here to see the kids."

Free? There was no way the Head of Department of English could ever be free. Pierre frowned at Kai Wen's carefree smile, worried that the man was over taxing himself. His workload was probably the heaviest in the entire department, and on top of that, he was helping out with St John's because he used to be the teacher-in-charge before he was promoted. Their participation in the debate was made under Pierre's name. By right, Kai Wen did not even have to follow them to the competition, much less help out in their practices.

"I'm sure you have things to mark. You don't have to be here, I can handle them."

It came out sounding cold, and in response, Kai Wen showed a lonely pout.

"You don't want me here?"

Pierre swallowed as his eyes darted away from Kai Wen. He found it dangerous to look at the man for too long, and he had been feeling that danger more frequently since they took part in the debate. Answering Kai Wen was a tricky matter too, he could not possibly say he wanted the man around, that would be inappropriate, but he did not want to shoo him away either. Luckily for him, his minions intervened.

"We'd love to have you here," Wendy chirped. "Thanks for taking time to help us!"

"I know! Mr Chen can help us in the debate practice," Bhavita said and she was immediately enveloped in a grateful hug from the other girl.

"Debate practice? Sounds great!" Kai Wen said, his interest piqued. "What are we debating about?"

"Euthanasia, effects of advertising and animal testing," James recited from memory. "But we haven't read yet. Don't know much."

"'Cher, maybe today we just play play a bit? Debate on something easy?"

Syariff's suggestion made Kai Wen hum thoughtfully.

"How about this? This House would allow students to wear home clothes to school."

Pierre's lips stretched into a smile and he exchanged a knowing glance with Kai Wen.

"Feeling nostalgic?"

The whispered question received an answer of matching volume.

"What do you think?"

In the background, the students commented about how easy the topic was and started to brainstorm the points for both proposition and opposition. The two teachers though were in their own world, transported back to the past when they were given this same topic for the first round of their preliminaries. This was the topic that sparked Kai Wen's interest in debate. It was the start of their friendship.

"So how do we form the two teams?"

The question zapped Pierre to the present, and he cleared his throat while turning stiffly away. However, his shoulder was grasped and he found himself pulled near Kai Wen.

"I'll team up with Mr Tan. Two versus four."

The enthusiastic proposal sparked a riot. The students whined that it was not fair because they were teachers and ex-finalists of the debate competition, and there was no way they could win. But though they were loud, none of their words made it to Pierre's ears, which was steaming away from being so close to the other man.

"Let go," he said, not daring to lift his head. His surroundings seemed to blur, and his mind was too hazy to figure out what to do. What was different? Just two weeks ago, he managed to push Kai Wen away, but now there was no fight left in him. His weakness troubled him greatly. "Let go…!" he reiterated, louder this time, and he accidentally caught a glimpse of Kai Wen's expression as he was released from the hold.

Regret.

"Well then, let us split up more evenly."

Kai Wen's sudden switch to a professional tone had the students confused. For a while, they thought their complaints upset their teacher and they looked at one another uncertainly. But there was no chance to discuss, so they just did as they were told.

* * *

Pierre splashed some water on his face to cool down. Water dripped messily from his fringe as he looked at his reflection in the mirror.

"You look too happy," he scolded himself.

The debate earlier was pure fun. It was Kai Wen, Wendy and James on the proposition versus Pierre, Bhavita and Syariff on the opposition. They had a moment to discuss, blasted their points and tried to shoot each other down with rebuttals. It started being serious, but degraded into a quarrel when the students found themselves stuck and unable to raise examples. Each exclamation of 'point of information' was followed by giggles; it was especially funny when Syariff stood up and realised he actually had no rebuttal to give.

And there was a patch where the battle was only between Kai Wen and Pierre. Sophisticated arguments were thrown in the air, too 'cheem'* for the students to catch, as the ex-classmates tested each other's wits after fourteen years.

Kai Wen had become really clever. Too darn clever.

Pierre could not stop smiling.

Giving up, he walked out of the toilet and prepared to head home, still with the smile plastered on his face. He did not expect to see Kai Wen waiting by the staffroom exit.

"Hey."

Pierre nodded. Not counting that time when they were trapped in the staffroom, this was the first time they interacted by choice in the absence of colleagues and students. He tried to appear natural.

"I was wondering…" Kai Wen started, paused to look at the ground, and resumed. "…if the basketball club would like to collaborate with St John's for the values-in-action programme."

"The beach cleaning this Thursday?" Pierre clarified and received a nod.

"We can choose to clean East Coast together. I mean, that will save some cost when booking the buses."

Pierre nodded again. It was a good idea since the club budget was never enough. But he had a feeling that was not all Kai Wen wanted to say. He waited as the man scratched his head and paced back and forth, exactly how he used to when he could not solve a problem as a teenager.

"After that," Kai Wen said, paused and tried again. "After that, I am wondering if…we can…uh, h-hang out together."

The sentence ended as a whisper, but Pierre caught every single word. Infected by the shyness, his face heat up again and he wasn't sure what to think.

"What about the students?" he asked carefully.

"Oh, trust me, they would love to be dismissed from there. We just need to tell their parents beforehand."

Pierre nodded, this time with some hesitation. Usually, he would ensure the students' safety by arranging for return transport, but he agreed with Kai Wen's logic that the students would love to hang out instead of being sent back to boring school.

He realised too late that his nod was taken as acceptance of Kai Wen's invitation.

"Great! Uh, I'll make a move first. See you tomorrow."

Mouth agape, he watched Kai Wen fidget with the strap of his sling bag as he went down stairs. Then he closed his mouth, made his way to his car and put down his backpack on the seat beside him. A twist of the key started the engine, and his foot pressed on the pedal ever so slightly to move forward.

His entire car shook as he bumped into a curb.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> *paiseh - means sorry or embarrassed
> 
> *cheebye - vagina
> 
> *sibei - super
> 
> *emo - short for emotional. means depressed.
> 
> *pantang - superstitious or taboo
> 
> *sekali - what if


	7. Chapter 7

_Wallet, hand phone and a bag of groceries – those were all Pierre had with him as he stood before the old, unfamiliar flat. He wore singlet, shorts and slippers, and his thin clothing proved to be insufficient as the air chilled deeper into the night. Shivering slightly, for he had been out for about two hours before deciding to come here, he stared at the building before him and tried to recall the unit number._

_There was no elevator, so he climbed the stairs. The exact unit number was lost to him but he remembered that it was the third floor, so there he stood in the lit corridor amidst black windows. None of the lights in the houses were switched on, everyone was asleep because it was already midnight and they had work the next day. Pierre could not figure out which window belonged to the correct room._

_Feeling like a thief, he tried to peep into the windows while nervously watching out for anyone who might catch him. But what could he see? Essentially nothing._

_Like a lost lamb, he paced back and forth, wanting to knock on every window but not daring to do so. God knew how long he spent there, frowning and walking with arms around himself, before a voice made him jump out of his skin._

" _Pierre?"_

" _K-Kai Wen," he stuttered, teeth chattering against his will. He walked towards the open window, feeling like the luckiest person in the world because the one he was looking for was still awake. "Th-Thank god."_

" _Ey, cold is it? You wait."_

_The window was shut and light flashed on for a short moment. Pierre stood still, relieved and already feeling warmer than before. Then there was a soft click as the door was unlocked, and Kai Wen came out wearing a brown hoodie and handing a blue one to Pierre._

" _Late already, we talk downstairs. Otherwise my ma will wake up." Kai Wen whispered and gave Pierre a pat on his shoulder before leading the way._

_They chose the bench under a street lamp at the nearby park. Pierre dropped the plastic bag he had been holding on the floor and sat down._

" _Heng I haven't sleep," Kai Wen said while smoothing down his bed hair. "See your shadow go left right left right, I thought is hantu* sia."_

" _Sorry to bother you so late," Pierre said as he put on the hoodie Kai Wen offered him. He sincerely felt bad, and he had lost count how many times he scolded himself for even thinking about doing this. But he was desperate and he could not think of anyone else to turn to._

" _Why you here? Your face so white. Something happen ah?"_

" _Sorry. I…I really don't want to go home tonight," Pierre said, buried his face in his hands and breathed deeply. "Will you stay with me for a while?"_

* * *

Pierre really did not want to go near the other teacher at the moment. Dressed in a plaid shirt with long sleeves folded up and shirt ends left out, combined with a classy brown vest, Kai Wen looked fabulous. His hair was styled a little differently than usual, the shoes he wore were polished, and he looked ready to enter a Michelin Star restaurant. Heads turned as he walked across the beach, and ladies especially gave him more than a second glance, wondering why he did not hold a bouquet of flowers, because they thought he must be a model here for a photoshoot or something of equal glamour.

"Okay! Let's put in all our effort! The faster we get this done, the faster we can leave!" Kai Wen clapped his hands together eagerly as he gave instructions to his St John's Ambulance Brigade cadets. They were all wearing the St John T-shirt and holding trash bags.

Obviously everyone present thought the same thing, and even the basketball players were urging their teacher to 'do something about it leh, otherwise we feel very paiseh* for him.'

Face burning, Pierre approached with much reluctance.

"Mr Chen," he said softly while glancing around. "No one dresses up to pick litter."

The unfortunate thing was that he knew the real reason why Kai Wen was all dressed up, and that knowledge only embarrassed him even more. Why did he have to be so obvious? It was not like Kai Wen was the only nervous one. Pierre had lost sleep overthinking and lost even more sleep scolding himself for overthinking. Yet he still had the brains to dress normally, T-shirt and bermuda shorts, for the litter-picking activity.

Shaking his head, he took out the T-shirt that he had previously borrowed from Kai Wen.

"Thanks for lending this to me," Pierre said but he looked more pissed than grateful. "Now be glad I brought this along with me today. Go get changed, please. You stand out like a freaking sore thumb."

A short argument ensued, in which Kai Wen proclaimed his innocent wish to at least look decent. But Pierre ultimately won when he pointed out that the sand could damage his fine shoes and water might get into his gold watch.

"You don't want to be all sweaty when we hang out later, right?"

Convinced, Kai Wen obediently took off his shoes and watch, got changed and transformed from a suave gentleman to Mr Chen, form teacher of the 'United Unicorns'. Together with the hoard of students, they swept past the beach, breaking branches under their feet and destroying the peace with their ceaseless chatter. They worked under the hot sun, and though the teachers could have rested elsewhere while their students worked, they chose instead to lead by example. That included getting side-tracked and playing a fool.

"No one is allowed to get into the water, for safety reasons," Kai Wen announced, his pants rolled up as he stood in the water. He smirked as he splashed at his defenceless students.

"Wah lao Mr Chen! Don't play leh!" his sensible cadets complained.

Kai Wen shrugged, hardly ashamed of his childish actions. When his cadets passed, he searched for his next victim, and his eyes gleamed as he locked on to Pierre.

"Do that and I will go home right after this," Pierre warned with a sharp glare and Kai Wen immediately behaved.

"Okay sorry boss."

The sun was setting by the time they were done, despite working at record-breaking speed. The students turned out to be less happy than the teachers expected. They groaned like the elderly, knocked their backs with fists and stretched their necks as they discussed where to go to have a quick dinner, after which they were more than ready to go home.

"Kids nowadays, no energy at all. All lembek*," Kai Wen said after the last of the students walked out of sight.

Wiping away the sweat with his sleeve, Pierre nodded in agreement.

"Yeah loh. In the end we're the only ones hanging out after the long day."

They glanced at each other, at how worn out both of them looked, and shared a short laugh.

"So, where would you like to go?" Kai Wen asked.

"I thought you have a place in mind, seeing as how you dressed up."

"Well, I do. But people don't usually go there with T-shirt and bermudas…"

"Then you don't have to worry." Pierre coughed as he reached into his backpack to pull out a blue shirt, neatly folded. "I brought a change of clothes, just in case."

They stepped into the toilet, changed, and stepped out with no further comments or questions. To Pierre's relief, Kai Wen chose not to put on his vest and opted for a more casual look that matched his own. That helped to make him feel more at ease, he was tense enough as it was, especially with how Kai Wen looked at him.

Be natural, he reminded himself as he stepped into a taxi with zero knowledge of where they were going.

* * *

_After taking another deep breath, Pierre explained why he did not want to go home._

" _Sorry, it's going to be a bit long-winded."_

" _Nah, don't worry. You talk. I listen."_

_Kai Wen had been very patient. He had all the rights to ask for an explanation since he was rudely disturbed and taken outside when he could have remained sleeping soundly at home, but he didn't. He waited for Pierre to spill everything on his own._

_So Pierre did exactly that. He started with his parents' divorce when he was seven. He lived with his mother, but he might as well have lived alone since she was always at work. And during the rare times when she was home, she was mainly depressed and silent. He knew the reason; his mother wanted a man to love her._

_He was happy for her when her wish was granted. Pierre quickly gained a stepfather, he was a man who seemed kind enough. Kind, but lazy. His mother remained the sole breadwinner for the family while his stepfather stayed at home, and that was when Pierre learnt that it was all a lie._

" _He hates me. Whenever I did something he disliked, he would lock me up in the cupboard for hours. If I made noise, he would kick the cupboard and shout at me. He said he would let me out only after I learnt my lesson, but he ignored all my apologies and only let me out when my mother was about to come home."_

_It was not an easy topic to talk about. That was the first time he was talking about it, and he could do it only because Kai Wen remained very silent throughout._

" _I didn't tell my mom. He hates me but he loves my mom, and I don't want to break her happiness. So I…I just lived with it and pretended that we got along. Anyway, things got better recently because he started working. That's why you haven't seen him before."_

" _No wonder you always shoo me out by 9pm. Cause he coming back, right?" Kai Wen asked and Pierre nodded._

" _Yeah. He usually comes back together with my mom. Things are fine as long as my mom's around. But just now she called me saying that she suddenly had to stay in Malaysia for one night due to business."_

" _You don't want to be alone with your stepfather."_

_Kai Wen concluded correctly. Pierre let out a self-depreciating laugh._

" _I was at the mamak shop* when I received the call, and I didn't dare to go home after that. That's why I'm still holding on to this," he motioned to the bag of groceries. "Very stupid hor?"_

_Instead of replying, Kai Wen asked another question._

" _So you scared of dark because you last time always kenna* locked in cupboard?"_

"… _How did you know?"_

" _Ey, obvious mah. Every time sky a bit dark only, you switch on all the lights."_

_Pierre dipped his head, ashamed that his silly phobia got discovered. That was the real reason he came to Kai Wen though, he felt scared to be out alone at night. And to think he called Kai Wen a coward just two weeks ago. He was a coward himself. Surely Kai Wen would laugh at him._

_But that guy did nothing like that. He sprang from his seat, yawned and held out a hand._

" _Here not good. We go coffee shop*? Got one nearby, open until very late. There very bright." He spoke, and then smiled sheepishly. "Actually I hungry also lah. Later can buy me something to eat?"_

_Pierre grinned as he took the hand and was pulled to his feet._

" _Of course. Let's go."_

* * *

Pierre gawked at the interior of the restaurant. He had been gawking since the moment he entered the five star hotel, and he had also gawked at the night view beneath his feet as the glass elevator ascended to the top-most level. Having a place in mind was an understatement, Kai Wen had made a reservation.

"Hey," Pierre tugged at Kai Wen's arms and whispered. "Isn't this place really expensive?"

"Haha, don't worry." With the enigmatic reply, the man swiftly switched the topic. "Is the lighting okay for you? Too dark?"

"No, it's fine."

They were ushered to their seats by a waiter in suit, and they walked past many couples on their way. The whole place was dimly lit and tastefully decorated. A large crystal chandelier hung over their heads. It was weird for two men to come to this romantic place together.

Pierre's ability to appear natural quickly diminished. It was all gone by the time he took a look at the menu.

"Kai Wen. Why here?" he interrogated. "Teachers are well paid in Singapore, but not enough to afford such luxury when there's no special occasion."

"But it  _is_  a special occasion…at least to me."

Again, the ambiguity. Pierre's hands felt clammy.

"Let's just order something cheap and get out."

"Don't hold back. It's my treat."

He stared at Kai Wen in disbelief for the next few seconds, wondered how he landed himself in this situation, and said, "No."

"Please, let me," Kai Wen insisted, and seeing that Pierre would not yield, he explained. "You used to buy me food all the time when we were young."

"MacDonald's, KFC and hawker food. Nothing as expensive as this," Pierre argued, but he was ignored.

"I was poor back then. Didn't even have a hand phone. You filled my stomach many times, so I swore to you that one day, I will earn lots of money and treat you to good food."

It was supposed to be touching, but Pierre found himself drawing a blank. He looked at Kai Wen's proud smile, felt guilty on one hand and suspicious on another. That sneaky man could be lying to him for all he knew.

"I really don't remember."

"Don't worry. I remember can already."

With that, they proceeded to place their orders, or at least Kai Wen did so, before Pierre could argue any more. Wanting to be polite, Pierre chose the cheapest main course. Kai Wen nodded, but when he turned to the waiter, he upgraded that order to something similar but better.

"Hey," Pierre protested. "You're not supposed to do that."

"Let me," Kai Wen said with an annoying wink.

Left without a choice, Pierre resigned himself to accepting the offer. It felt unreal to be there with Kai Wen, sitting opposite each other with glasses of wine on their table, and he was not sure what to feel. Nervousness ebbed away with each passing minute and he was left with a mishmash of emotions, all of which he did not want to confront. It was safer to think of this as just a dinner between colleagues.

"So how is everything?" Pierre asked when the appetizers were served. A general, harmless question, just to get the conversation going.

"Good. I'm glad to be back in Singapore," came the general reply, accompanied with a chuckle. "Well, it's rather late to be saying that when I came back five years ago."

Five years, and Pierre was kept in the dark. He swallowed the bitterness.

"Was it fun in America?"

"I missed out most of the fun. Was busy studying while doing part-time work so that I didn't burden my uncle too much," Kai Wen said. "I really worked very hard."

"That's good for you."

Their normal conversation extended into the first course and it was mainly a question and answer session. Pierre asked about Kai Wen's major and was in turn asked about his own. They talked about the first school Pierre worked in, and Kai Wen shared about his first few years in Zitan. Then they were stuck.

Pretending to be unaffected, Pierre focused on his food, hoping that Kai Wen would do the same. However that was not what the other man had in mind.

"So, which JC did you go to?"

So they were going further into the past?

"Innovate Junior College. The new sports JC."

Pierre did not have to look up to sense the shock in Kai Wen.

"…I thought you would have gone to RJC or something."

"I didn't do well for the O levels."

Kai Wen did not ask why and for that, Pierre was thankful. That marked the end of going back in time, which was a great relief, but he did not expect the next question to jump straight to the present.

"Do you still live with your stepfather?"

He hesitated and took a sip of wine before answering.

"I am currently living alone."

"No girlfriend?"

Pierre looked at Kai Wen, but the latter was looking at his plate. It was most unfair.

"…No," he said, and wanting to take revenge, bounced the question back. "And you?"

"I'm living alone too," Kai Wen said with a tone that was too casual to be natural. "And nope, no girlfriend. No time for that."

So that was the game they were playing; talking about sensitive things while pretending to be nonchalant. Pierre gritted his teeth as he set down the cutlery.

"How is your mother?" His voice sounded strained as he asked the question through a false smile. "Have you reunited with her?"

Kai Wen's knife made a soft screech on his plate. Then he looked up and returned the smile.

"She's staying at my aunt's place. I accompany her to IMH* once in a while."

That threw Pierre off guard. He did not know Kai Wen's mother was suffering from mental illness. How long had it been? What exactly happened? Why was Kai Wen not staying with his mother? He wanted to know, and he almost allowed himself to ask those questions, until he asked himself why he wanted to know in the first place.

Gone were the days when they could open up their hearts to each other. This Kai Wen in front of him was no longer the rash teenager who could not speak in proper English. He was his boss at work, and it was only in work that Pierre found himself able to maintain trust and honesty.

And so their relationship was to remain solely bound to work, because Pierre had no patience for mind games and was not interested in doing guesswork. It was stupid of him to lose sleep over this dinner, and to allow himself to feel the flutters in his stomach when he was asked out.

Really, what was he expecting?

Feeling calmer than ever, Pierre took another sip of his wine. The rest of their dinner was filled with sparse conversation, mostly with Kai Wen asking questions and Pierre replying in the vaguest manner. At last, when the delicious food was consumed and the bill footed, the subordinate thanked his superior.

There was nothing else to say between them.

* * *

_They talked about everything there was to talk about. From exams to CCA to idols and the latest songs. Kai Wen complained about the newest dumb television series while chowing down a plate of hokkien mee*. Then Pierre shared about his upcoming basketball tournament._

" _Oh yeah! After the mid-year exams right? I go support," said Kai Wen with his mouth stuffed. "Heng ah these two months no debate. Crazy heng we passed the preliminaries! Oh yeah June holidays coming soon leh. We go hang out okay?"_

_Pierre chuckled. There it was again, Kai Wen's signature 'rojak* ramble'._

" _Hang out? I thought you said you wanted to use the June holidays to study?"_

" _Aiya, ok lah, study!" He slammed his hand on the desk determinedly and stuffed more of the delicious yellow noodles into his mouth. "We hang out and study! Then after that we go LAN shop okay? You got play DOTA* before?"_

_As far as Pierre knew, Kai Wen's family was too poor to own a computer. So how did he know about the game? Upon asking, he learnt that Kai Wen played it back when he hung out with the gang. He promised Pierre though that he was no longer seeing them._

" _On ah! I save all my money, we go LAN shop together ah!"_

" _Han na, han na," Pierre waved his hand impatiently. "Don't talk and eat at the same time. Later you choke to death."_

" _Ey you never hear before meh? Idiots like me don't die easily lah."_

_Their pointless chatter lasted deep into the night, though it was increasingly marred by yawns. Pierre had never stayed up so late before, and he was sure neither had Kai Wen. But although he was tired, he felt at ease. The bright coffee shop was comforting, and with Kai Wen's laughter ringing in his ears, he had completely forgotten about his worries and fears._

_They chatted until the coffee shop had to close. The adults looked at them with disapproval and urged them to go home, but of course, they did not know about the two teenagers' circumstances._

" _Thanks for chatting with me, I feel better now," Pierre said as they made their way back to the park._

" _Siao lah, you treat me food leh. I then need to thank you. Now how? Where we go?" Kai Wen asked and his mouth stretched into an enormous yawn, so big all his teeth could be seen._

" _You better go home and sleep."_

" _Huh? Then you how?"_

_The sincerity of the question touched Pierre. He smiled and shook his head. "I'll be fine."_

" _Huh? Leave you alone meh? Cannot lah!"_

" _I'll really be fine. I'll probably sneak home later – "_

_There was no warning, and no sound made, when the whole row of street lights went off. The entire park was engulfed in darkness, and though the moon hung bright in the sky, Pierre's eyes could not adjust quickly enough. He could not see, just like when he was locked in the closet. For hours, he could not see._

" _Shit. Blackout. Pierre, you okay?"_

_He heard Kai Wen call out to him, but in his mind he was in the closet, and he could not breathe. Air did not seem to enter his lungs even though he gasped. He tried to inhale deeper, parted his mouth to allow for more oxygen, but his chest remained tight while his heart hammered away. He was suffocating._

" _Ey! You got asthma ah? Don't scare me leh!"_

" _K-Kai Wen," he wheezed, eyes wide open. "Help."_

" _How?!"_

_It was no use, his legs felt like jelly. He vaguely felt Kai Wen's arms around him as he slowly sank to the ground. Then he hunched over, clutching his chest, breathing hard and thinking he was going to die. This had never happened before, and he did not know how to deal with it._

" _Ey, you hyperventilating is it?! I…I know. Pierre, breathe through your nose."_

_Kai Wen was saying something, but it did not register. There was only fear in Pierre's mind. Only the crippling fear._

" _I said breathe through your nose! Haiya!"_

_A palm closed over his mouth, cutting off his air supply and sending panic pulsing through his entire body. He struggled senselessly but he was held still by a palm pressing against his chest and forcing him to sit upright._

" _It's okay. Don't be scared. It's okay."_

_Kai Wen's voice came from behind, right by his ear. Pierre tried listening to it. The palm on his mouth let go for a few seconds, allowing him to pant weakly, before enclosing it again._

" _Take slow, deep breaths through your nose. Don't worry, will stop after a while. If don't stop I bring you go hospital. Don't worry okay? I'm here. Don't be scared."_

_He thought Kai Wen was noisy. There he was trying his best to regulate his breathing and that guy just would not stop talking. But there was comfort to be found even in the noise, as it held a soothing quality most uncharacteristic of the usually hot-headed guy._

_He leaned back against Kai Wen's chest as the tension in his shaking body slowly left and he could feel cold air entering his lungs. His muscles relaxed, his fingers unclenched and when Pierre looked up, he could see the moon, the stars, and Kai Wen's bright eyes looking at him with concern._

" _Yes, good, slowly," the first aider continued to coo. "You'll be okay. Don't worry. I'm here."_

* * *

Pierre lay on his bed and stared at the dimly lit ceiling. He did not know why he was recalling the first time he hyperventilated. The problem developed only when he was fifteen and it stayed with him in adulthood, which was why he avoided being in the dark as much as possible. But even if it happened again now, Pierre knew well how to help himself and monitor his own condition. It was not so much the hyperventilation he dreaded, it was the all-consuming exhaustion that followed.

" _I'm so tired…"_

" _Of course lah. I never hyperventilate also sibei tired already."_

He recalled lying on the floor under a brightly-lit HDB block and using Kai Wen's arm as pillow. He recalled Kai Wen stroking his hair half-heartedly and treating him like a pet. That guy was noisy even when sleepy.

" _Here very bright…don't worry…sleep…sleep…"_

A sudden wave of sadness washed over him at the end of his recollection, and he curled into a foetal position and clung to his bolster. His eyes focused on the cold hard light emitted by his bedside lamp and he realised that there was nothing brighter in comparison than what he saw that night fourteen years ago. He also realised, with an anguish he failed to suppress, that he missed Kai Wen.

He missed the fifteen-year-old Kai Wen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note:
> 
> *hantu - ghost (in malay)
> 
> *lembek - soft, weak
> 
> *mamak shop - sundry shop near HDB blocks. Mamak means uncle in Tamil. Named this way because the stalls were commonly owned by Indian men in the past.
> 
> *kenna - to get. eg, He kenna hit = he got hit
> 
> *coffee shop - hawker center. does not just sell coffee.
> 
> *IMH - Institute of Mental Health
> 
> *mee - noodles
> 
> *rojak - Fruit and vegetable salad dish. Also means mixture.
> 
> *DOTA - Defense of the Ancients. Multiplayer online battle game.


	8. Chapter 8

This House believes mothers should stay at home and look after their children.

Opposition

 

Out of all the possible topics in the world. Pierre didn't know whether to laugh. The timing was also uncanny; he was just reminiscing about the past last night after the dinner and this topic glared at him from his laptop screen early the next morning.

As he told his students about it, he thought to feign ignorance. They were supposed to do their own research and he should not be intervening too much even if he knew all the possible arguments and counter-arguments. However his plan was dashed when Kai Wen appeared.

"Hey! Isn't that…?"

Pierre stepped aside willingly to let Kai Wen take centre stage. He sat down and covered his face with his hand while the other man stood before his students and gestured to the topic written on the board.

"This, my wonderful minions, was exactly the same topic that came out for the quarter finals! As in," he motioned to Pierre, " _our_  quarter finals, though we were on the proposition that time. And guess who debated? Hmm?"

Wendy's eyes brightened in realisation, but she was clearly the only one, and not because the others did not know what their teacher was trying to imply. It couldn't be more obvious; those crossed arms, straightened back and proud smirk. James paced around, Syariff sighed and Bhavita remained quiet as Wendy entertained their Mr Chen.

"You debated? That's cool!"

"Heh, I was super awesome that day, you know? Thanks to me, we won the quarter finals!" Kai Wen boasted with his nose held high.

Pierre grumbled under his breath, "You're claiming too much credit." He thought he was soft, but apparently Kai Wen heard it.

"Oh of course, I wouldn't have done it without help from  _someone._ "

"That's not what I'm trying to -!" Pierre raised his voice and argued, but stopped himself halfway because he was not about to tell his students about the past he and Kai Wen shared. While they appeared confused, Pierre distracted them.

"Just because we know this topic well doesn't mean we'll spoon feed you with all the information. You still have to do your own research, understood?"

"UNDERSTOOD!"

The ultra-loud exclamation rocked the classroom and deafened everyone present. Their eyes and mouth all formed circles as they stared, dumbfounded at the most-unlikely culprit.

Bhavita was a demure female student, a rare breed in Zitan High, and she always spoke softly, twirled her long ponytail and sat with legs neatly closed. No one thought a day would come when she would be standing with one foot on a chair, hands on her hips and shouting like a parade commander.

"This one we'll win! This one we'll confirm win!" She yelled with eyes of flames, scorching everyone with her determination. They remained silent as she cheered and punched the air.

"Let's do this Zitan!"

"Together, we can!"

"Fight ah!"

* * *

"Eh, what's wrong with Bhavita ah?" Syariff asked and Wendy shrugged.

"Don't know leh. She suddenly so siao on*."

They looked at each other, then they turned to look at James.

"Just because I'm knowledgeable doesn't mean I know everything about everyone in the world," he said coolly while skipping from table to table.

"So nobody knows why?"

Pierre sighed as he saw the clueless looks on his students' faces. It was strange indeed, Bhavita did not strike him as the kind of student to have such a major outburst. She ran to the computer lab before everyone else in her eagerness to start work, and Kai Wen dashed after her in worry. Pierre knew they were both worried about the same thing. Bhavita's mother had passed away, and this topic was about mothers. They were afraid that her outburst was related to her mother's death.

But when they joined up with the two of them in the computer lab, Bhavita seemed more than fine. She did her research with a crazed smile and she let out disruptive whoops of joy when she found something useful. The team apologised to the other students in the computer lab on her behalf.

"Did she tell you anything?" Pierre leaned over to whisper to Kai Wen.

"Nope. No idea why she's suddenly so fired up."

"Do you think we should consult her guardian?"

"Let's just monitor this a while longer," Kai Wen said and gave a reassuring smile. "Don't worry. Anyway it's good that she wants to win. Her enthusiasm will push the rest of the group forward."

"I guess so…"

Pierre fell silent as he watched his students at work. He still felt uneasy about this and was tempted to properly ask Bhavita about it, but he had a feeling she would not explain. A glance at the clock reminded him that he had only two hours left to prepare for next week's lessons before the school would close. Since he'd rather die than risk getting locked up in school again, he decided to leave the students to their research and return to the staffroom.

He was stopped by an outstretched foot.

"Do you…Do you remember how hard we worked to prepare for the quarter finals?" Kai Wen asked. In contrast to his bold movement to block Pierre, his words were timid.

Pierre did not understand what the other was trying to achieve by bringing that up.

"Yes, I remember," he said, expressionless.

"You made me read and write many so essays. My English improved a lot because of that."

"I'm glad for you," Pierre offered a polite smile and attempted once again to leave. This time, his arm was caught. Annoyed, he asked in the nicest tone possible, "Yes, Mr Chen?"

Kai Wen's brows furrowed and he was no longer smiling. His lips were down turned and he kept his sight to the floor.

"I know you didn't enjoy the dinner yesterday. Sorry, I should have brought you to somewhere more comfortable."

"That's not true. I enjoyed. Thank you for the treat."

"No, Pierre, I – "

"I really think we should address each other formally in front of students."

There was a note of finality in his tone and thus Kai Wen did not pursue any more. An apology was muttered, the obstructing foot was removed, and Pierre was allowed to go on his way.

"'Cher."

Both teachers whirled around, unsure which one James was calling. To make things more confusing, the student was looking at neither of them because he was not fond of eye contact.

"Cher," he said again. "I know magic."

"…huh?" was both teachers' response.

Clucking his tongue in irritation, James walked up front and held Mr Chen's hand in one of his own and Mr Tan's in another. He bounced on the spot a few times, as if channelling the energy in his body, then he heaved a sigh to calm himself down before speaking.

"My mom always does this when I don't listen."

It was not much of an explanation, both teachers were still utterly lost, but they did not want to pry their hands away from James either. They let him raise their hands up and place both palms together. Kai Wen and Pierre looked at each other in alarm as they made contact.

"Like this, thoughts and emotions will flow through. With this magic, don't need to talk and don't need to fight."

Warmth spread between their joined palms, and as Pierre studied Kai Wen's eyes, he saw how apologetic he truly was. His remorse bordered on being fear; it was made more obvious and amplified by their physical touch. He felt like he could read deep into the other's mind, and that thought scared him because if Kai Wen felt the same way, then what was that man reading from him?

Which private thoughts, thoughts that even Pierre did not dare to think, could Kai Wen see?

He looked away and pulled his hand from James' grasp.

"We're not fighting," he said, though he did not sound certain. He could see from the corner of his eyes Kai Wen stealing glances at him, but he refused to return them. He didn't feel like he would be fine if he looked at Kai Wen now.

"Whatever loh."

James shrugged and jogged out of the computer lab without saying goodbye to his team mates. The door swung shut following his departure, and the two teachers were left wondering what just happened.

"I think it was right for us to refer him to the counsellor," Kai Wen said. "Did she tell you anything?"

"She strongly suspects it is autism, but James' mother seemed unwilling to have it tested, so we don't know for sure."

"So he might have both ADHD and autism?"

"Perhaps, though I think he's gaining better control over his hyperactive disorder as he matures."

They fell silent. A few metres away, Bhavita whistled and called her team over to show her findings. The two teachers were in the same room, yet it felt like they were in different dimensions. Pierre remained standing and staring at the floor. He hoped Kai Wen would say something to end the awkwardness so that he could return to the staffroom.

"I apologise for being rude earlier," Kai Wen said at last, in an even tone. "I'll address you formally."

"Thanks, I appreciate – "

"But I'll continue to ask you out, and I'll call you by your name when no students are looking, like right now."

Stunned, Pierre found himself rooted, unable to move. Kai Wen walked towards him, he could see those shoes closing in but he could not back away and there was no time to think. Before he knew it, their shoulders touched and he felt warm air against his ear.

"I want to spend more time with you, Pierre, and I hope you will not refuse."

Pierre did not respond as Kai Wen passed him and exited the room. He walked out as well after a few seconds and headed straight for the toilet. Then once he was safely inside a cubicle, the delayed reactions kicked in. His entire body heated up, his face flushed, and his heart raced. With a shaking hand, he touched the ear which Kai Wen's low whisper infiltrated earlier. It still tingled from the warmth.

The approach was too direct for Pierre to handle. Covering his mouth, he scolded himself for reacting like a hormonal teenager. But though he worked to calm down, he could not empty his mind. He thought of the times he spent helping Kai Wen with his English, their surprise when they learned of the debate topic…and he recalled the first time he felt this way for Kai Wen.

* * *

" _There are many ethical and philoso…"_

" _Philosophical."_

"… _philosophical concerns regarding abortion. Some people believe that it is a… akin to murder and punishes the unborn child who committed no crime."_

_The student wiped his forehead upon completing one paragraph, then he took a deep breath and struggled through the rest of the article._

" _Abortion should not be used as another form of contra…contra…sip… what ah?"_

" _Contraceptive," the tutor said, eyes pinned on the same article. "It refers to methods that prevent a woman from getting pregnant."_

" _Oh! Condom is it? Hahaha condom I know. Just for fun, I buy before leh!"_

_Pierre pushed up his spectacles, slammed the thick book he was holding on the table and snapped Kai Wen back to work. The student sat straighter, gulped and continued reading._

_That was how the first few of their lessons went, Pierre only made Kai Wen read aloud and he focused on fixing the pronunciation. At the same time, he acted as human dictionary and explained difficult words that Kai Wen did not understand. Those words, and their definitions, ended up in a small notebook that Kai Wen was strictly ordered to keep with him everywhere he went, including the toilet._

" _Memorise these as you shit," were Pierre's exact words, and that was also what Kai Wen had been obediently doing._

_Then came dictation, to fix the spelling. Pierre chose random paragraphs from the articles they had been reading, and Kai Wen was to regurgitate the whole thing word for word from memory. More than five mistakes, and Pierre would make him do it all over again._

" _Wah! This tiring leh!"_

"' _This is tiring," Pierre corrected. "You must try to speak in proper English too. If you speak Singlish all the time, you won't improve."_

" _Huh, but very weird leh like that…" Kai Wen grumbled, saw the stern glare from Pierre and waved white flag. "…It feels very weird to speak in proper English."_

" _Good."_

_Pierre leaned back and watched as Kai Wen wrote the same paragraph for the third time. For each sentence he wrote, he paused, checked and mouthed every word of it. When he was done, he propped the paper up and scanned it several times before hesitantly handing it to his tutor._

" _I don't want rewrite don't want rewrite don't want rewrite."_

_Kai Wen prayed out loud and Pierre almost laughed while checking the work. He traced each word with his finger until he reached the end, and to his surprise, he found no errors. He looked up, Kai Wen peeked at him with one eye open, and he checked the text again, thinking that he might have missed an error because he was distracted by the horrible handwriting. Yet the mess of words remained error-free._

"… _Perfect."_

_The astonished look on Kai Wen's face was one Pierre would never forget. It looked downright stupid, with jaw hanging and eyes wide open, but it stirred an intense sense of satisfaction in Pierre, even more so when he saw how it all began to register in Kai Wen._

" _Yes!" the student cried as he sprang from his seat. "First time in my life, I perfect! I got improve right?! I…I improved, didn't I?!"_

_Grinning from ear to ear, Pierre allowed his hands to be held as his friend jumped up and down._

" _Let's go play DOTA tomorrow, as a reward."_

" _You say one ah!" Kai Wen exclaimed and gave Pierre a tight hug. "DOTA tomorrow! Yes!"_

_From then on, Kai Wen improved at the speed of lightning. It was as if he finally found the key to the gate of intelligence, like he found some sort of enlightenment. Just two days after that, he could do his dictation perfectly from the very first attempt, and he could also explain the meaning of words that he could not even pronounce a week ago. Kai Wen developed much faster than Pierre expected, and he found himself teaching his friend how to write an argumentative essay on the last week of their June holidays._

" _Mrs Poon is going to be so shocked," Pierre said and chuckled as he vetted Kai Wen's writing, one day before school reopened. The essay was more than three hundred words in length, which was impressive considering how he struggled to write half that amount just a month ago._

" _She should be. I really worked very hard, you know?"_

" _Yes, yes, good boy."_

_Pierre reached out and ruffled Kai Wen's hair. His comment was meant to be sarcastic but Kai Wen did not care. He only grinned stupidly while allowing his hair to get messed up._

" _So what are we doing today?" Kai Wen asked once he finished doing the corrections for his essay. "Are we reading something new? Ey, this Friday is quarter finals, right? We try prepare for it lah okay? Maybe this time I debate ah! Debate and win!"_

_No matter how much Kai Wen improved, it seemed he would never shake off Singlish. Pierre didn't blame him since speaking Singlish is a way of life for Singaporeans. All that mattered was that Kai Wen was making an attempt to improve in his English during their lessons together. This was the most fruitful holiday Pierre had ever spent, and he felt grateful._

" _Thanks," he said, much to Kai Wen's confusion. With a cough, he explained. "My June holidays used to be very boring. No one was at home, I did my homework, watched television and played basketball with my friends only once in a while. But with you around, not boring any more…"_

_The last sentence ended in a whisper, and a part of Pierre hoped that it was not heard._

" _Eh, I sometimes really think you something wrong," Kai Wen said while rubbing the back of his neck. "I should be the one thanking you. You're a good teacher, I think next time you sure become teacher ah! I-I improve all because of you." He scratched his head, too embarrassed to continue. "Aiya! Your mother should stay at home more lah! Then no more boring for you."_

" _If my mom stays at home, I won't have enough money to treat you to MacDonald's."_

" _Eh, sia lah. You're right."_

_Pierre shook his head with a helpless smile and thought to drop the topic. It was one he had given up dwelling on by now, it's not like his mother would really stay at home even if he asked._

" _But no MacDonald's also okay what."_

_Kai Wen's argument sprouted in the midst of their silence, and when Pierre looked at him, he was surprised to see a serious face._

" _No MacDonald's, chicken rice loh. As in, depends on how much money we have mah, we can live according to our own means. Like right now, you got computer, got hand phone, but you feel bored all the time. Without mother at home, children will feel lonely…" he trailed off, perhaps distracted by the thought of his own abusive mother, but he picked himself up and continued. "I think mothers should stay at home to look after children, give them care and love and make sure they grow up to be good people. That's more important than earning extra money, right?"_

_It was then that Pierre truly saw Kai Wen in a different light. So far, all his personal opinions had been held back due to his poor linguistic abilities, and now that he was overcoming that barrier, those opinions flowed and added depth to his character. Kai Wen was not just a 'chao ah beng'*, he was as intelligent as any other, as intelligent as Pierre._

_He just needed a little more push._

" _Heh, not bad ah, learning how to debate," Pierre said. "But your argument's not good enough. Let's do some research on this topic, then we can talk about it for real. Set?"_

" _On ah."_

_They spent the last day of the holidays, surfing the internet using the computer in Pierre's house, doing research and debating with each other. When the sun set, Kai Wen went home as cheerful as always, but Pierre, who was left alone in his house, felt saddened that their holidays had come to an end. With homework, CCA and projects, it would be hard for them to spend every day together after school._

_That did not deter him from trying. After his basketball training, he did his homework on the bench under the tree while waiting, just so that he could spend the evening with Kai Wen. Monday and Tuesday passed like this, though Pierre became increasingly tired from spending late nights finishing his homework and finding articles online to share with the other._

_On Wednesday, Pierre invited Kai Wen over again_

" _I found something funny online, I think you'll –"_

_A deep cough spilled from his throat and he hacked away for a while._

" _Ey, Pierre, you okay? Choked on your saliva?"_

" _Hah…yeah, something like that."_

_The incident brushed off, they continued on their way and reached the KFC outlet nearby. They bought their dinner and reached Pierre's home._

" _Debate in two days leh. You nervous or not?" Kai Wen asked, took a bite from his favourite Zinger burger and looked at Pierre as he munched._

" _Yeah. Nervous," Pierre replied, still staring blankly at the fried chicken on his plate._

" _Too nervous to eat?"_

" _Hmm? No lah."_

_Shaking his head, Pierre cleaned his hands with a paper towel and picked up a chicken drumstick. Was it because he felt happy to spend time with Kai Wen? His vision was a little blurry and the drumstick appeared larger, but when he blinked, it shrank a little._

" _Kai Wen, how big is this drumstick ah?"_

" _Huh? You ask me that for what?"_

" _Ask you because…" The drumstick shook, along with the plate, the table and the rest of the living room. "Because you're here loh…"_

_He heard the plate crash, and Kai Wen cursing away, before he realised he collapsed. In that same instant, his emergency energy reserves ran out and his body temperature surged._

" _Ey you fever leh! Very high! You fever you don't know meh?!" Kai Wen yelled, one hand tapping Pierre's cheek lightly to keep him awake. "Fever still eat KFC, want to die ah?! Wah lao why you always scare me?!"_

_Pierre closed his eyes and wished he could close his ears as well. Kai Wen was too loud, all the neighbours would hear him. What should he do? What if his mom and stepfather came home? What would mom think about Kai Wen? Would she like him?_

_Clutching Kai Wen's hand, he pressed his face against the cold fingers, thought about how nice it felt, and lost consciousness._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> siao on - crazily enthusiastic
> 
> chao ah beng - literally, smelly Ah Beng, a stereotypical name for a gangster.


	9. Chapter 9

_His mother took a day off to look after him on Thursday. In his delirious state, he mistook her for Kai Wen several times._

" _You shouldn't hang out with this Kai Wen so much," his mother said. "It's because he kept coming over to play that you fell sick, isn't it?"_

_For once, he got angry at his mother. With a weak voice pushed from parched throat, he argued that it was not like this and that she did not understand anything. He recalled yelling in frustration when his mother commented that the boy was just after his money and computer. His friend meant a lot to him and he would fight anyone who spoke badly of him. His mother was always not around whereas Kai Wen accompanied him._

" _Kai Wen," Pierre greeted his visitor with a smile. "How's school? What did I miss?"_

" _Ey you don't worry first." Kai Wen said softly while pulling the blanket higher up Pierre's shoulder. "Just rest. Tomorrow I will replace you for the debate."_

" _Huh? Oh yeah, I forgot… I'm fine. I'll be there tomorrow."_

" _You don't trust me?"_

" _I trust you!" Pierre coughed. "But I don't want to trouble you."_

_Kai Wen didn't say anything for a while, choosing instead of rummage through his bag. He took out some worksheets and notes and placed them on Pierre's desk._

" _Nah, I collected for you."_

" _Thanks."_

" _Tomorrow we see how," Kai Wen said. "If you really okay, then you debate, 'cause you better than me. But I'm ready to debate this time, much more ready than the last time."_

_It was true, Pierre could tell. Kai Wen had the expression of one who would not be defeated, wearing the armour of his newfound confidence and holding his improved English as weapon. He had the Heart of Tarrasque, plus forty strength and plus three hundred health points. In his mind, Kai Wen transformed into one of the heroes in DOTA._

" _What? Why you laugh?"_

_Pierre grinned at Kai Wen, now visualising hordes of little minions around them._

" _Tomorrow, we'll push down all the enemies' towers."_

* * *

Bhavita led the way as they strode into the lecture theatre. Her fists were gripped tight, her face stern and she took large steps like Xena the Warrior Princess. One look at her and Pierre knew that she was on overdrive and had a boost in statistics.

"Okay guys, let's do this!" she cheered. Syariff and Wendy played along and responded with something akin to a battle cry. It wouldn't look nice if Bhavita was the only one all hyped up.

Kai Wen chuckled when the three were told to tone down by the organisers. On the other hand, Pierre sat at the edge of his seat, nervous for his students.

"I'm worried about Bhavita."

"I know."

"She's so keen to win. Wouldn't she be crushed if they lose?"

"You don't trust them?"

Pierre shot a glare. "I do. I said 'if'."

Kai Wen took the glare in stride. He leaned back, returned his vision to the students and said, "Look at them. Look at Bhavita. She won't lose."

"How can you be so sure?"

An unexplained smile was all the answer he got, but it was enough to trigger Pierre's memories of their quarter finals.

* * *

_They were told the topic one hour before the competition._

" _Wah seh! Heng!" Kai Wen cried and looked at Pierre to share the joy. "We prepared for this topic! You remember right?"_

" _Of course lah," Pierre answered softly, still weak from having just recovered. "I'm not that forgetful."_

_They spent the precious time discussing their points and anticipating the counter arguments. Pierre was the first speaker, their strategy was to let him speak while he still could, but Kai Wen readied himself nonetheless by contributing to the discussion. His team mates looked at him differently as he flaunted all that he knew, and Pierre felt so proud of him. The hour flew by quickly, and they made their way to the hall._

" _On the proposition we have the up and rising, Zitan High School!"_

_Applause sounded all around them as they rose to take their places. But right on cue, Pierre's step faltered and he knelt down in a sudden dizzy spell._

" _Pierre!"_

_Kai Wen rushed forward and helped him back to his seat. Their team members looked on worriedly, unsure whether to go to their fallen comrade or go on stage._

" _Kai Wen," Pierre gasped, his fever returning. "I'm sorry."_

" _Don't be."_

_A hand pushed against his chest and forced him to lean back._

" _You sit here and watch me. I'll win this for you."_

_The reserve turned to confront the stage in the midst of renewed applause. As Kai Wen walked up the stairs, Pierre thought that young man looked different. He seemed taller and his back, broader. Kai Wen had never looked this reliable._

* * *

"The proposition talked about the inherent inequality between men and women, but that is not relevant in this debate because the difference lies only in their physicality. In this modern society, women have been recognised as being able to contribute to the economy. Women are holding top positions in companies and they perform with the same level of competency as men. Women are not inferior to men when it comes to brains."

Bhavita's speech was fast. She counter-attacked, blazed from one point to the next and managed to obtain a good lead in the first minute of the speech when the opponents were not allowed to rebut. As the first speaker – she asked to swop with Syariff – she also had to briefly summarise the team's points, and she did that without trouble.

The call bell sounded, signalling the end of the first minute and opening the chances to the opponents. This was the part Pierre worried most about. Bhavita was a timid girl and she did not handle the rebuttals well in their previous debate. They did spend a week to rectify that problem, and this was the time to see if their efforts would pay off.

A loud bang shocked everyone as a member of the proposition slammed his hand on the table.

"Point of information!"

"He's not supposed to do that," Pierre said angrily, eyes narrowed to slits.

"Oh no. Bhavita is…"

The thick concern in Kai Wen's voice shifted his attention back to Bhavita, and he felt crushed when he saw the girl standing there, silent and in shock. Bhavita never dealt well with violence, not even the slightest signs of it.

"I'm going to have a word with the organisers," Kai Wen said with his jaw clenched tight.

Just as he was about to leave his seat, however, Bhavita spoke up and, to everyone's astonishment, accepted the point of information.

"Yes, please!"

"You said it is beneficial to the family for woman to work. Are you trying to say that working brings more benefits than looking after children? Are you saying that gaining money is more important than giving love?"

"Thank you sir!" Bhavita took a deep breath and answered. "Giving love to the children is important but mothers need not sacrifice their jobs in order to do that. If it is as you described, then let me ask you, is it right for fathers to work and not give love to their children? I am sure all the fathers in this lecture theatre would agree that they strive to make sure their children are loved despite their work commitments! So why can't mothers do the same?"

Applause exploded in the hall with that comment though the audience had been told not to do that as it might affect the debate. It could not be helped, the crowd was impressed and so were both her teachers.

"She's a fighter," Kai Wen clapped, his anger forgotten and replaced with pride.

Pierre was smiling too, though he remained anxious. Bhavita put up a great fight, but would she be able to sustain?

As expected, in the next opportunity, the same boy slammed his hand and shouted another aggressive "point of information".

Bhavita trembled, likely remembering how her father accidentally killed her mother, before replying with another brave "yes, please!"

"She could have said no," Pierre said, his heart ached from seeing his student struggle, and he wished he could go upfront and take her out of the competition. "The minimum was to accept only one point of information."

"Believe in her, Pierre. Trust me. She won't lose."

They exchanged a quick glance before fixing their gaze on Bhavita, but in that short moment Pierre found relief, reassured by Kai Wen's confidence.

"Point of information!"

Loud gasps filled the lecture theatre when Bhavita bent over, panting heavily, but Pierre and Kai Wen only watched. They had their fingers crossed, and they believed.

Slowly, Bhavita straightened herself without anyone's help and met her opponent's gaze.

"Yes, please!"

On top of accepting and answering three points of information, Bhavita managed to complete her prepared speech in its entirety. Her speed, wit and bravado drew adoration from all who watched and the lecture theatre was filled with deafening applause as she sat down. People could not believe that she was a student from the infamous Zitan High School. She was as good as any of the best student debaters in Singapore.

Without needing to be told, the organisers warned the students against aggressive behaviour during the debate, and that boy from the proposition apologised to Bhavita. The rest of the debate continued in the heated atmosphere and after the three speakers have finished, they were given five minutes to prepare their reply speech.

Bhavita chose to carry this responsibility. She wanted to have the last word in this debate.

Pierre listened to her speech carefully, not just to the words, but to all the emotions she poured into it, and suddenly, he found himself understanding why this topic was so important to Bhavita.

"A woman's talents would be wasted if she remained cooped up at home…"

Her mother was a housewife before she passed away.

"Women, with the right qualifications, had equal ability to bring income for the family…"

Her family was poor because the income her father brought in was not enough.

"Women should not be subservient to men…"

Her father abused her mother before accidentally killing her.

"And with this, I conclude that women should have a choice to go out to work, to contribute to the society, to help their families financially, and to actually lead their own lives!"

This was Bhavita's revenge.

* * *

_Kai Wen dished out his reply speech passionately with both hands supporting himself against the desk. He debated without looking at notes and argued like he was born to do so even though he was just a reserve. Some people in the audience who witnessed his failure three months ago were baffled, and they wondered if this was the same student who could hardly speak even one sentence in proper English._

_Pierre did as he was told; he watched Kai Wen. He looked only at Kai Wen throughout the whole debate and though his fever drained him physically, he felt recharged. He listened as Kai Wen debated and argued on his behalf what he had always wanted to tell his mom. To stay at home more so that he would not have to feel so lonely, or be subjected to his stepfather's bad temper. To be with him more because she's the only family he had left._

_He watched Kai Wen, and his heart swelled with pride, gratitude and admiration._

* * *

"And the winner of this round of the preliminaries is Zitan High School! A decisive victory!"

Syariff jumped in joy, Wendy cheered and even James went "yes!" Together with their teacher Mr Chen, they rushed to the front to present themselves once more to the audience, but one girl did not join them.

"We won," Bhavita mumbled, tears trickling down her face. "Mr Tan, we won."

"You were very brave, Bhavita."

Pierre remained behind, wanting to give her a pat on the back but holding back because they were after all teacher and student of opposite genders. He hoped that she could sense his concern nonetheless.

"This was… this was why they fought that night. My amma always wanted to work, but my appa never allowed it," she said, bit her lips, cried and laughed. "Mr Tan, I fought for my amma…!"

"You did well. You led the team to our first victory."

The back of his eyes stung as he spoke and he thought that perhaps he had a soft spot for this sweet student who never deserved such a tragic family background. He admired her strength and her resolve to overcome her fears all on her own.

"Bhavita! Stand up!" Kai Wen shouted all the way from the front of the lecture theatre, just like he did in the past.

" _Pierre! Stand up! You are one of us!"_

"Go on, stand," Pierre urged and Bhavita wiped away her tears, stood and waved at them.

He was thankful that he did not pull her from the competition. So glad he allowed her to fight and win. And it was all because Kai Wen reminded him to believe.

_His face flushed from the exhilaration as he stood wobbly, and he kept his eyes pinned on Kai Wen. For some reason he could not look away._

"We did it!" The team cried and Kai Wen threw a fist in the air.

" _I won this round for you, Pierre!"_

His heart skipped a beat, both in the past and present, as he looked at the ecstatic grin on Kai Wen's face. That was when he first realised he felt something else for the man, and he was feeling it again fourteen years later – the same fondness.

There was no room for denial, not when his entire being felt it so strongly.

His feelings for this Kai Wen and for the young Kai Wen had overlapped.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments: For the first time... there's no Singlish to explain in this chapter! *throws confetti* 


	10. Chapter 10

_What did they know about love?_

_To Pierre, love was dependency. His mother broke down after the divorce because she was emotionally dependant on his father, and she loved his step father because he depended on her._

_To Kai Wen, love was about caring for another. His mother seldom cared about him, so he craved what he could not have at home._

_They thought they found what they needed from each other, and then they began to naively think that love was just about studying, playing DOTA and eating together._

_What did they know about love? Pierre asked himself as he looked at the broken hand phone lying at a corner of his room, with eyes swollen from too much crying._

_They knew nothing._

* * *

There were things that Pierre liked about Kai Wen.

"This part here," that man said while pointing at a question on the Mid-Year Examination paper Pierre had set. "I think it's too difficult. Perhaps you might want to change 'intricate' to 'complicated' so that it's more accessible for the students."

Pierre nodded and made the corrections in pencil. It was reassuring to have a meticulous person checking his work, and according to his other colleagues, the quality control for exam papers improved after Kai Wen became the Head of Department.

"Mr Chen, Connie's father called the general office. He wants to speak to you," a non-teaching staff came to the cubicle and said. "I think he's unhappy that his son was accused by Ms Rahmah for stealing."

Kai Wen sighed. "That troublesome guy again? Ms Rahmah must have had proof. Never mind, tell him I'll call later. I'm busy at the moment."

That was another great thing about having Kai Wen as a boss. This man trusted his colleagues and always had their backs, which included communicating with demanding parents and handling difficult students.

After the brief interruption, they resumed checking the exam paper. As they did so, Kai Wen asked if Pierre wanted to go for a workshop that was happening soon.

"I've attended something similar before," Pierre admitted. "Plus the basketball boys will be having matches around this time."

"No worries, I'll send someone else instead. But I'll be sending you for the literature seminar in late August, because those teaching the graduating classes will be busy marking prelim papers then."

"Sure."

Kai Wen knew his teachers' workload and was both understanding and impartial. He explained his decisions, especially if he knew it would be taxing on the teachers. So far, the only decision he made without prior approval from the teachers was signing up for the debate competition. Pierre was tempted to say that Kai Wen was perfect for his job, otherwise.

But then, there were just as many, if not more, things that he disliked about Kai Wen.

"Thanks. I'll make the amendments and pass the soft copy to you when I'm done," Pierre said as he got up to leave. He was not that surprised when he was stopped.

"Wait, Pierre. Where's my thank you kiss?"

He was not surprised, but he could not help getting flustered over it. His cheeks blazed as he brainstormed for a witty comeback, but he found none because his brain had ceased functioning after registering Kai Wen's smile.

"…Siao," he muttered as he left, and even he thought that it was a pretty lame attempt at pretending to be calm.

The attacks started after the second round of preliminaries, and for the past one week, Pierre had to tolerate Kai Wen's harassment at work – the kind that they could play off as a joke only because they were both male. The worst incident happened during the department meeting, when Kai Wen accidentally brushed against Pierre's arm and commented openly that his skin was so smooth he could 'caress it every day'. The female teachers laughed, and though they had once looked at Pierre with some admiration for his cool aura, they now looked at him like he was a pet to be protected. They scolded Kai Wen for bullying the new teacher and offered words of consolation to the boiled lobster.

He wished Kai Wen didn't do that, though thanks to that awful incident, there was a sudden spike in people asking him along for lunch. He soon learnt that it did not just stop at lunch.

"Hey Pierre, do you want to watch the new Spiderman movie with us this Saturday?"

Some of his colleagues surrounded him as he was reaching his cubicle. He gave them an easy-going smile and said, "Sure, why not?"

It was a rhetorical question. He did not expect to get an answer.

"Oh! I love Spiderman! Can I come along too?" Kai Wen poked his head into the conversation and asked, effectively giving Pierre all the reason to regret his decision.

"Of course!"

Of course they would say that, since Kai Wen was their boss. Great job in reading the atmosphere, Pierre inwardly grumbled. Now it would look bad on him if he backed out.

Thinking to worry about it another day, he changed into his sportswear and met up with his basketball boys for a casual match. They had been bugging him all day with the excuse that it was to prepare for their upcoming competition, Pierre found it hard to turn them down even though he was exhausted from the day's work.

"'Cher! Catch!"

It happened in a flash. He was busy marking his opponent and did not see the ball flying in his direction. Out of sheer reflex, he raised his arm and managed to block it, but the force was so great it bounced off and continued flying in an altered direction, until it hit Pierre at the side of his face. He stumbled backwards holding his head and his spectacles fell to the ground.

"'Cher! You okay?"

"What happened?"

That was another thing Pierre disliked. Kai Wen always seemed to appear out of thin air, like some kind of omnipresent ghost that refused to disappear no matter how many times he exorcised it. That man walked to Pierre's side, picked up his glasses and interrogated the students.

"Who did this?"

"It was an accident," Pierre said softly and tugged on Kai Wen's arm, but the other did not react.

"I asked who did this. The person responsible better own up now."

"Me," Ahmad stepped forward and bowed his head. "I too careless. Sorry."

"I'm sure both Mr Tan and your coach had taught you guys the importance of safety in playing sports. You're the best player of the team, I expected you to be better than this."

Though Pierre could not see well without his spectacles, he sensed it clearly as the atmosphere was killed by Kai Wen's harsh words. It was frustrating, he really did not need Kai Wen's help and he did not think it was right to be angry at the students over such a minor matter. Accidents happened all the time in sports, and his students were still young and hot-headed. Still, he felt some pride when Ahmad did not argue and instead, reflected seriously over his mistake – that was true sportsmanship.

"Yes, Mr Chen. I threw the ball too hard and never give Mr Tan enough reaction time. My fault."

"Okay penalty for this team!" Kai Wen announced while throwing the ball to one of the students. "You guys continue playing. Mr Tan needs rest."

Still feeling a little dizzy from the impact, Pierre allowed himself to be led away by Kai Wen. He sat at the canteen and waited for the world to stop spinning while Kai Wen went and bought a drink for him.

"Come, let me see your face."

A hand reached out to brush aside his hair, but Pierre deftly avoided it.

"I'm fine. It was a light hit."

"Light? I didn't see it happen, but if it was just a light hit, your specs wouldn't have fallen off." Kai Wen sighed. "You're lucky it's not broken."

Drinking the iced lemon tea made him feel much better, and he became more aware of how close Kai Wen was sitting next to him. He fidgeted, subtly shifted away and cleared his throat.

"Thanks, I'm fine now. Can I have my specs back?"

"No."

Pierre stretched out his hand and waited. Then he replayed Kai Wen's response and realised late that the man had refused.

"…Mr Chen?"

"There're no students around, you know? You can call me by my name."

Kai Wen's face was a blur even at short distance, but he could make out a smile.

"That's not the point. I want my specs back."

"And I said no."

"What the…?"

Vulgarities spewed in Pierre's mind and he wanted to unleash them upon Kai Wen, but all that surfaced was a frown, accompanied by a heavy sigh. This reminded him of when Kai Wen did the same thing in their youth, and he had chased that guy around the corridors while shouting death threats and demands for him to stop being so god damn irritating.

 

* * *

 

" _Wah lao don't play lah. I really cannot see!"_

" _You sportsman right? Try to catch me lah!"_

" _Kan ni na*! Oi! Stop leh!"_

That was the first time he shouted vulgarities in school. Alternating between scolding Kai Wen and apologising to the many people he bumped into, Pierre had run desperately after his spectacles. The chase only ended when Kai Wen went down the stairs.

" _Fuck! I cannot see the steps lah!" Pierre shouted as he stood at the top without taking another step for fear that he might misstep and roll down the stairs. He hit the handrails in frustration; it might have started as a joke, but Kai Wen was going too far. Only the short-sighted could understand his pain of getting such an important tool in his life taken away from him. He continued swearing at Kai Wen even when that guy obediently went back to him._

" _Nah, give you back. Joking only."_

" _Screw you and your jokes! Not funny hor!"_

" _Han nah. Sorry lah. Don't be angry."_

_Pierre stretched out his hand to demand for his specs and it was duly returned, but all of a sudden, Kai Wen gripped his hand._

" _What do you want?" he asked while trying to pull away._

" _Wait, wait, don't move...got something…" Kai Wen muttered as he leaned in, close enough for Pierre to see his own reflection in the other's eyes._

_Against all his rationalities, his anger melted away and in its place gushed confusion and shyness. He froze on the spot, remembering how he felt when Kai Wen debated on stage a few days ago, and suddenly felt too vulnerable without his spectacles. He shut his eyes when he sensed contact on his cheekbone; Kai Wan was poking it with his index finger._

" _Ey? Wait," Kai Wen said and switched to using his thumb. He rubbed the area underneath Pierre's eye like he was trying to erase something. This went on for a few seconds, until Pierre almost shivered from the embarrassment._

" _What you want lah?!" he exclaimed, backed away and quickly put on his spectacles._

_At last, his surroundings centred itself. His erratic heartbeat slowed and he felt confident and secure again, enough to give Kai Wen the proper lashings he deserved. He was ready to nag when he focused his vision on Kai Wen, but the unexpected sight made him forget what he wanted to say._

_Was Kai Wen…blushing?_

" _Nothing. Got nothing," that guy mumbled with his head turned away, shielding his face with the back of his hand._

 

* * *

 

 

Pierre felt like he just remembered something he should not have.

Regardless, they were too old to play this sort of pranks, and Pierre was not about to expend too much energy arguing with Kai Wen. He would rather drive home blind.

"Suit yourself. I'm going back to the staffroom."

That might not have been the nicest tone to talk to someone who just bought him a drink, but he did not care. His top priority was to put some distance between them and show that he was not going to entertain Kai Wen. The best way to deal with bullies was to ignore them. He stood up and walked towards the blurry staircase.

"Hey, Pierre, wait. Sorry, I was just joking."

The strategy worked well all right. Triumphant, Pierre demanded for his spectacles again with an open palm. The object, however, did not land on it.

"I'll return it to you if you'll let me touch the mole under your eye."

There was silence.

"What mole?"

"Th-There's a mole… you don't know?" Kai Wen scratched his head and pointed. "It's always hidden behind your specs. A small one."

"Oh."

And then there was more silence. Blood took its time to rush to Pierre's face.

"Wh-Why you want to touch?"

What sort of question was that? Why didn't he just tell Kai Wen off for making such a weird request?

"If I tell you why, will you let me?"

Kai Wen reached out and Pierre dodged.

"I didn't say yes – "

"Then hurry up and say it leh."

"Y-You answer me first."

The next attempt to touch was slapped away.

"Oi."

"Touch only. Won't die lah."

"C-cannot."

In the eyes of students passing by, their two teachers appeared to be exchanging blows. But since they didn't look angry, the students assumed they were not really fighting and thus ignored the scene.

Pierre knew he could have just turned and walked away, then he would not have to feel his heart leap every time Kai Wen raised his hands. They could not seem to stop, neither the confused arguments nor the physical struggle. Kai Wen too did not give up even though his face was also red. It was like they didn't know what they were doing anymore.

A strong vibration in Pierre's pocket shook him from the hazy stupor.

"Quick. My specs."

"Okay. Here."

Funny how a simple call resolved their conflict. Pierre put on his spectacles with one hand and whipped his phone out with the other. He smiled when he read the name flashing on the screen.

"Hello?" he answered with a gentler tone than usual. "I'll be done soon. Sure, let's eat together. Wait for me, I'll go pick you up. Huh? Oh don't worry I'll drive you home after that. Yeah. Okay. See you."

His smile remained even after he hung up. It was always great to receive a call from her. She was always too independent; Pierre wished she would rely on him more.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but, guess you have a date tonight."

Kai Wen's careful statement drew Pierre's attention back to him. It was spoken with a tinge of sadness, and Pierre knew right away it was actually a question.

"Oh, no. That's my sis." He didn't know why he felt the need to explain himself.

"I didn't know you have a sister."

"She's my half-sister, Clara. She was born after…after you left."

"I see. That's a big age gap."

"Yes, it is," Pierre said. He wanted to talk about how surprising it was when his mother got pregnant, and how he was practically a second father to his sister, but there was no time to chat. "Well, I'm going off now. See you."

He returned to the staffroom and got changed so he looked more refreshed. Clara was already waiting for him at her school so he had to hurry. Apparently their mother had forgotten to prepare dinner, so Clara thought she would eat with him. It delighted Pierre to no end; he hardly had to spend time with his dear sister ever since he moved out. They were always busy at their schools, studying and teaching.

As he buckled up and drove off, two short vibrations went off in his pocket. Thinking it might be from Clara, he took his phone out and read the message.

It turned out to be from Kai Wen.

'I love your mole.'

A loud screech sounded as the sides of his car collided with the side of the road. He dropped his phone, flipped on the emergency lights, pulled over and inspected the damage done. A large gash ran along the bottom and there was a bit of dent at the front. Sighing and cursing his luck, he decided to ignore the scratch. It was too troublesome to send his car for servicing less than a month after the previous session.

When he returned to the driver's seat, he gingerly picked up his phone and glared at the culprit.

Then, with a deep breath, he deleted the message.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> *Kan ni na - Fuck you. Somehow the Hokkien version always feels more crude and vulgar than the English version.
> 
> ... I'm sorry the only note for this chapter is a swear word.


	11. Chapter 11

This House believes schools should prohibit students from dating.

Proposition

 

Character and Citizenship Education (CCE), a compulsory subject in all Singapore's secondary schools, was the subject that Pierre found the most pointless. It was not like spending an hour a week harping on values was going to change the way students think or make them into better citizens. The students in Zitan pretty much took it as a free period, ignoring the teacher and doing whatever they wanted. On the rare days when they listened, it was probably because the teacher chose to derail from the original content to share his own life stories. The logic was simple, the students learned more from those real stories, which were also more interesting, than from the artificial force-feeding of the CCE curriculum.

There was only one exception. Only one topic on the CCE curriculum was sure to attract the students' attention and keep them engaged for the entire hour. Students who always zoned off would contribute to discussions and disruptive students would ask relevant questions. But though they would transform into a perfect class, Pierre dreaded teaching this topic – Sexuality Education.

He cast his eyes over the class of horny male students smack in the middle of puberty. The moment he revealed the topic of the day to be about petting, they sat up straight and had a hyena-like glint in their eyes. God knew which other part of them stood straight, especially when he played a video about 'knowing when to stop'.

"From this video, you learn that petting is like a roller-coaster, and when you are past a point, usually necking, it becomes hard to stop," Pierre explained to his students with a poker face. He swore he was the least suitable teacher to be teaching Sexuality Education.

By then, his students were only half listening to him. They were still on the topic and engaged though, and two students were particularly engaged in pretending to neck each other.

"'Cher! Necking like this right?" One exclaimed and buried his face in the neck of another, who started faking loud orgasmic noises. Everyone erupted and the actors too howled in laughter in the midst of their sexy session.

"Wah sibei gay leh you two!" cried one of their classmates.

"Ey, don't discriminate against gays ah," another warned. "Otherwise later they commit suicide then become your fault ah."

"Oh you all know America now accept gay marriage leh! You two go there and get married lah!"

"Yeah loh, go away lah bloody gays!"

Somehow, the topic steered from petting to homosexuality, and this one offensive comment steered the harmless teasing to plain insulting. Some of them hooted in agreement and there was plenty of finger pointing.

"Wah lao we play play only lah!" one of the actors exclaimed, face bloated with anger. "We not gay okay?! He got girlfriend lah!"

"He got girlfriend but you don't have. Wah, everybody siam* ah!"

Noise erupted as the students dragged their chairs to get away from the two students, as if afraid that they would be contaminated by they gayness. It was out of hand, so Pierre stepped in.

"That's enough!" he barked at a low commanding tone, one that he seldom used unless he was seriously pissed. Noticing the change in their teacher, most of the students piped down and the nicer shushed the nastier.

"I don't care what you personally think about homosexuals, but I do NOT tolerate insults. No one hurts another in my class, and if you think you're so clever and want to test me, go ahead. I'll RIP your heads off and then make sure the entire class hates you. Then we can see who is more hurt in the end."

He let the silence drag and his words settle into his students' ears. Some meeker students showed guilt and shame on their faces, but not the defiant ones. Those usually needed the softer approach. Inhaling helped to calm his nerves and aided in the switching of his modes.

"Look, Jeremie and Wei Jie were putting on an act to humour you, it's not right to repay them with insults. And even if there are homosexuals in this class, is it alright to jeer at them and call them names? Do you ever want people jeering at you for being Chinese, Indian or Malay? Or for having lighter or darker skin? Or for being fat or skinny? We are all human beings, we all deserve respect."

"'Cher, so you saying homosexuality is good lah?" One of the defiant boys shot back, and it was apparent to Pierre what he was thinking. If he said yes, he would be accused of being gay and speaking up for his own kind. If he said no, he would be accused of being a hypocrite. In short, this boy was just unhappy that he was scolded and wanted revenge.

Pierre had seen too many of such students.

"It doesn't matter what my personal stand is," he said calmly, got briefly distracted by thoughts of a certain man, and continued. "All I am saying is that it is wrong to verbally hurt another. Even if I do not support homosexuality, I will not discriminate against them because I am not an insensitive jerk."

The student glared at him and then turned away with darkened face. Pierre shrugged, he was paid to educate, not to please. Better yet if the boy caught on that he had just been indirectly insulted; the best way to teach this kind of student was to give him a taste of his own medicine.

The rest of the hour passed without much disruption, for the students were more wary and did not want to risk getting into trouble. Pierre breathed a deep sigh when the CCE lesson was over. Confrontations always drained him, even if he had the upper hand as a teacher. He drifted past the corridor with quick steps, and he heaved another sigh when he reached his destination, this time out of relief.

"Mr Tan! We've been waiting!" Bhavita greeted with an angelic smile.

"'Cher, long time no meet for debate," Syariff raised a hand and waited for a fist-bump.

"Yo 'cher!" Wendy greeted, though her eyes darted left and right in search of another. "Today Mr Chen not free ah?"

"Hi everyone," Pierre said. He smiled at Bhavita, bumped fists with Syariff and nodded at the quiet James before answering Wendy. "Mr Chen's usually busier on Mondays. I don't think he can join us."

Instead of Fridays, the day when the debate topic came out, Pierre had decided to reschedule the meeting to Mondays, so that Syariff did not have to rush back to school after his prayers. He also realised there was little point in meeting when they had not done their research. The debate topic was told to them via Whatsapp on Friday, and Pierre was glad to see that his minions had made good use of the weekend; they all brought along the fruits of their research.

"Before we begin, I have to ask," Pierre said and observed the four faces carefully. "Does this topic have anything to do with your parents?"

Bhavita burst out laughing while Syariff gave his teacher's shoulder a pat.

"Hey, I'm serious," Pierre insisted. "If it is a sensitive topic, we have to deal with it together right now. Not one hour before the debate and certainly not after the debate."

"'Cher, relax lah!" Wendy chirped as she leaned back and balanced on the hind legs of the chair. "You think our families got so many problems meh? This topic about school, safe one lah!"

It was silly, but Pierre felt a little unhappy being laughed at. He was already joked about with Kai Wen among colleagues, he didn't want even his students to look down on him. Then again, he was perhaps thinking too much. He knew his minions respected him.

"Fine. Let's work on structuring our arguments today. First, I want you to exchange your notes with one another… "

As they worked through the points, Pierre realised that it was another session of Sexuality Education, but thankfully, their discussion was pitched at a higher intelligence level and he did not feel like he was persuading cats in heat to abstain. Their argument was rather straightforward as it focused on the primary purpose of a school and how allowing students to date would be a distraction. However, at the end of their meeting, none of them seemed convinced.

"'Cher, actually I think there's nothing wrong with dating." Syariff was the first to voice his own opinions, and the others nodded. "I mean, many people date at our age, even those from very good schools. Doesn't mean they all have sex and get pregnant. Doesn't mean they do badly in their studies."

"I think it is natural to develop romantic feelings for another at our age," Bhavita said. "We're only human."

"Eh, wait. How can we debate if we can't even convince ourselves?" Wendy asked, and the whole room went very quiet. She then added, "Shit. We're fucked."

"Wendy. Language."

She stuck out a tongue at Pierre's reminder and that lightened the atmosphere slightly. They were dismissed that day without further discussion as it was getting late, and Pierre told them to argue among themselves until they feel convinced enough to debate about it.

Pierre did not say anything, but he also felt the same way as his students, because…

Shaking his head, he packed his things and walked out of the classroom. He refused to go down that train of thought, he already knew how dangerous it was, this thing called memories. The last thing he wanted to do was to recall all those sweet times he spent with Kai Wen and how they…

He held his head and groaned.

"Mr Tan."

Wendy's voice sprang behind and made him jump. He thought all of them had left.

"Y-Yes?"

"I have something I want to tell you. You got time?"

They chose to sit by the small fountain in the school garden. Water rippled down the jagged surface of the modern sculpture and the little sounds it made could only be heard in complete tranquillity. Not wanting to break the silence, Pierre waited for Wendy to be ready to speak. She had sounded very serious earlier, and Pierre could guess what was coming up.

"'Cher," she spoke while looking at the fountain. "You know I like Mr Chen right?"

He guessed right, but the directness of the question still took him by surprise.

"…Yes. You are quite obvious."

"Yeah, I guess I am. I very thick-skin one."

Wendy grinned, and Pierre thought she was very brave to share her feelings with a teacher. Back in the past, he had no one to confide in, and teachers were not even on his list of possible confidants. Times were really different now.

"I know it's impossible lah. He's so much older than me and he's my teacher. But I still like him. He's funny, clever and handsome." She gave a nervous chuckle and gripped her skirt. "Sorry, you must think I'm a bimbo."

"Not at all. He  _is_ funny, clever and handsome. I think it is natural for any girl to fall for him."

Pierre subconsciously lowered his eyes as he spoke, and that was misinterpreted by Wendy.

"Haha, 'cher, you also a nice guy! Will get a girlfriend soon, don't worry," she said with and did a thumbs up while Pierre remained impassive.

"I'm sure we're not here to talk about me. So why are you suddenly telling me about your feelings? Do you need any help?"

Wendy's fists tightened and released, leaving slight creases on her skirt. She looked around and checked that there was no one else before she spoke.

"'Cher, you're good friends with Mr Chen so you must know. His birthday's on this Saturday."

30 April. Yes, he still remembered.

Wendy clapped her hands together.

"Please 'cher, you have to help me. I really want to give him something… but I…I scared lah."

"You want me to pass it to him?"

Head dipped in a meek nod, Wendy kept her gaze to the ground and did not see Pierre's frown.

"I think it's better if you pass it to him directly," he said. "Just be your normal cheerful self."

"No, 'cher. He will know… the moment he sees the present, he will know I like him. I don't dare to see his reaction."

Pierre was tempted to ask what present that was, but he refrained from doing so. This was between them and it was none of his business. A strange bitterness rose at the back of his throat, and his thoughts spiralled into where he didn't want to go.

Wendy said that it was impossible because Kai Wen was her teacher. Did she not realise that that was only until she graduated? An age gap of fourteen years was not a big deal either, Pierre's sister was fifteen years younger than him. Besides, love had nothing to do with age.

Impossible? Try being of the same gender, separated by oceans and haunted by the past.

"Confess to him then," he blurted dismissively and quickly regretted.

It took a while before Wendy replied, and she did so with a shaky whisper.

"I'm sorry to bother you."

"No, wait. That's not what I meant." Pierre caught her by the elbow just as she was about to make her hasty escape. He quickly released his hold when he remembered that he was still her teacher. "Sorry. I mean, instead of bottling your feelings, I think it is better to let them be known clearly to him."

"…And be rejected?"

"At this point of time, yes, because he is your teacher. But at least your feelings will get through to him, and as his friend, I can tell you for sure that he's not going to make fun of you."

As his friend. That sounded nice. Pierre almost gave himself a derisive snort.

"So you're saying it's better to be rejected than continue having impossible hopes? …'Cher, you a bit cruel leh, but I also think the same actually. Thanks for being frank."

Pierre opened his mouth. It's not impossible, he wanted to say. But he didn't. He didn't want to tell her that, for all sorts of selfish reasons. And as Wendy bade him a simple goodbye and hurried away, Pierre once again thought that he was most unfit to teach Sexuality Education.

* * *

_Left with refrigeration for over an hour, the slice of cake wobbled unsteadily as it was taken out of the box. They sat at the park near Kai Wen's house, because it was night time, Pierre's mother was at home and she did not really like his friend._

" _Eh, whose birthday?" Kai Wen asked, puzzled. "Your birthday ah?"_

" _Don't know," Pierre replied and asked. "When's your birthday?"_

" _30 April. 304, same as my block number."_

" _Haha, that's easy to remember."_

" _You leh?"_

" _26 February. Sorry, I have no easy way to remember."_

" _Oh, you're older than me!"_

" _By two months only lah."_

_As they chatted, Pierre worked to light the candles, one large and five small. That spelled their age right now, fifteen. Kai Wen looked around and ascertained they were alone._

" _It's July now. Don't scare me leh, got someone else here meh?"_

" _Siao lah. Why you always so scared of ghost?"_

" _Then what we celebrating?" Kai Wen asked, thoroughly confused._

_Pierre didn't say anything. He searched through his bag and took out a small rectangular box, wrapped in brightly coloured paper that had the words 'Happy Birthday' printed and tiled. Then, with a burst of determination, he pushed it towards Kai Wen._

" _Nah, for you."_

" _Huh?"_

_It had been a while since he saw Kai Wen looking this dumb. He stared at the gift in his hands, not comprehending that he was the recipient, nor why he was the recipient. Pierre cleared his throat and prompted._

" _You think you can shoot beams from your eyes is it? The paper won't burn on its own. Just open it lah."_

_Kai Wen's hands moved to unwrap the present hesitantly. He pried the tape slowly, careful not to tear the paper, and unfolded the edges until there was enough room for the box to slide out._

" _This…!" he gasped and stared at the words on the box with gaping mouth. Then he met Pierre's eyes and returned the gift. "Cannot."_

" _Can," Pierre argued and pushed the box back._

" _Cannot. Cannot, cannot. This one really cannot." Kai Wen shook his head, smiling and frowning at the same time. "Too expensive."_

" _It's your belated birthday gift. You cannot refuse."_

" _Huh?! You siao ah? Like that also can?!"_

_The ridiculous nature of the situation made both of them laugh even as they had the tug of war, or rather, push of war. Neither would relent; the box was pushed left and right and its poor contents rattled inside._

" _Stop it lah, Pierre! Really cannot lah!" Kai Wen exclaimed with a huge grin on his face. "Phone leh!"_

" _My old Nokia phone lah! I just got a newer and better phone, don't need this anymore, so give you lah!"_

" _Wah, show off."_

" _Fuck lah. Just take it leh."_

_Their heated argument died down along with their laughter, and so did the flames of the candles as the wind was picking up. Pierre lit the candles again while Kai Wen took out the contents and brushed his thumb over its surface._

" _I never gave you anything for your birthday," Kai Wen said while staring at his new phone._

" _Of course. You didn't even know when my birthday is."_

" _Next year. Next year I confirm celebrate with you. For now…"_

_It was Pierre's turn to look confused as Kai Wen dug his bag to pull out a sheet of foolscap paper. He took out a pen, wrote three huge letters and then went over them again and again to bold the font. When he was done, he wrote his full name and the day's date neatly at the bottom._

_IOU_  
Chen Kai Wen  
15/07/2003

_Pierre's stomach ached from laughing._

" _An 'I owe you'? You think I'm a loan shark?" he demanded, took the paper, and howled some more in laughter._

" _Introducing the all-powerful 'I owe you'," Kai Wen said, switching to proper English so that he sounded like a salesman. "Whenever you need Chen Kai Wen to do something for you, he'd come running, anytime, anywhere. Effective only for single use, and the expiry date is… uh, actually got no expiry date lah haha."_

_Feeling warmed, Pierre pressed the sheet of paper against his chest and grinned._

" _I think this is better than what I gave you leh. Now I can do anything to you. You better watch out."_

_They looked at each other the way they did when Kai Wen won the quarter finals. Then, without warning, Kai Wen reached over and pulled Pierre into a hug, with the cake still sitting between them._

" _Thank you," he whispered and let go before the hug could be returned._

_Blinking away the shock, Pierre stared at the cake and willed himself to calm down. He wanted to thank Kai Wen too, but his tongue was tied. The flames of the candles had gone out again, but when he tried to light them, he found his fingers shaking too much to do it properly._

" _Come, I do," Kai Wen said and took the matchsticks._

_Their hands brushed against each other and caused a spark in Pierre._

_He had been secretly reading about homosexuality on his computer at home. There was no one he could talk to, and he did not understand what he was feeling. But now he knew, he realised as he watched Kai Wen light the candles one by one and felt his own heart beating fast: shit, he really was gay._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> *siam - get out of the way


	12. Chapter 12

A loud whine echoed in the foyer following Pierre's apology, and it made the teacher feel like he had just murdered an innocent.

"'Cher! What do you mean you cannot come?!" Syariff demanded with hands thrown dramatically into the air.

"Yeah loh 'cher!" Wendy followed, shouting like she was in the wet market. "Today important leh! Today is our last preliminaries leh! How can you pang seh us?!"

"Mr Tan must have his reasons…" Bhavita tried to argue, but even she looked gravely disappointed.

The one who seemed least affected, who only muttered 'huh, if even 'cher don't go, I go for what?', was James, as usual.

Pierre raised a hand to get their attention.

"I'm really sorry. The other teacher-in-charge of Basketball is sick and there is a tournament today. I have to go with the boys instead," he explained. "I would clone myself to support both if I could."

The students paused to ponder, and when it registered that there was no way out, they sighed.

"Then we how? 'Cher we not supposed to go there alone right?"

Pierre opened his mouth to answer Syariff, but another did so on his behalf.

"I'm coming along," Kai Wen said as he rushed down the stairs with his sling bag. "We'll take taxi."

"But Mr Chen, I thought you said you were busy?" Wendy asked, and Pierre could sense her alarm and nervousness for something else that had nothing to do with debate.

"I am, but I have to support you guys, right?" Kai Wen shone them a grin and then turned to Pierre. "Don't worry about them, I'll take over from here."

"Thanks, and sorry for troubling you."

"It's not your fault."

A hand approached his shoulder, and Pierre willed himself to stand still and accept the casual pat. It would look weird if he avoided that contact in front of students, but in truth, he had become extremely conscious, and cautious of Kai Wen's every move. He wished that man would stop being so touchy-feely with him.

"Okay, let's go, minions!"

"'Cher, you keep your phone on ah! We'll whatsapp you the results," Syariff said with a fist raised as he walked away.

"Don't worry Mr Tan, we'll win even without you," Bhavita promised with a pleasant smile without realising that she was being tactless with her words.

After James bounced along after the trio, Wendy turned to Pierre and said, "'Cher, I think I will give him the present after the debate. Get it over and done with."

She sounded determined yet scared stiff at the same time, and it triggered Pierre's sympathy. It was not like he didn't understand how she felt.

"I'm sorry I didn't agree to help."

"Never mind lah. Anyway, debate first. We're against dating you know? I shouldn't be thinking too much about Mr Chen." She forced a short laugh, waved and ran after the rest.

"Wendy!" Pierre called, and she whirled back in response. "All the best, and…take care."

What more could a teacher say? As he stared at Wendy's retreating form, he wondered how she would confess to Kai Wen. He imagined Kai Wen turning her down, as any teacher should, and he imagined her tears. A girl near his own sister's age was about to undergo a heartbreak, and there was nothing he could do about it.

If he had advised her to confess only after she graduated, would things be different?

Figuring there was no point in wondering, Pierre got ready to board the school bus with his basketball boys.

* * *

They were up against another powerhouse, Jorung Secondary School. Around them, students from Jorung called for victory for their home team and blazed the whole hall with their enthusiastic cheers. That was the down side about fighting in their opponent's home ground, but the Zitan boys were not about to be intimidated. They were the champions last year in the zonals, and they had their pride. Gripping their fists and holding their heads high, they walked with broad steps and lined up on the court.

The whistle was blown, the ball was thrown into the air, and Ahmad sprang. His palm connected with the ball before his opponent's could, and in one decisive sweep, tossed it in the direction of his waiting teammates before his feet even touched ground.

"Ahmad! Swee* ah! Bagus*!"

The other non-players of team Zitan screamed to combat the noise. Their faces contorted as they cheered for their core team with all their might, hoping that their support could lend some strength, and their teacher was no exception.

"Go, Zitan!" Pierre shouted, unable to help himself. It was the atmosphere of the game, the tension in the air, that triggered his memories of when he played on the court with his teammates and brought home medals. Just for a bit, he wished he was on the court too.

Vibrations went off in his pocket and called for his attention. Eyes still observing the court, Pierre distractedly took his phone out and checked the message.

'Hey Pierre, the debate is starting. Don't worry, they are ready.'

Since it was from Kai Wen, he figured it would do no harm even if he didn't reply immediately. He stuffed the phone back into his pocket, cupped his mouth and shouted more cheers for his boys. He would reply later, after the first quarter. While he also cared about his debate team, he wanted to be both physically and mentally present for his basketball team.

But though he tried to focus his attention on the court, it was steered away by another set of vibrations.

'Opponent's POI was dumb. Syariff replied without trouble.'

Pierre nodded, put aside his phone and resumed watching the match. Those playing on the inside were now dribbling the ball closer to their goal, and they struggled to get past the tight defense. Twisting out of reach, one of the boys managed to face the goal with nothing blocking his view. And it was at that anxious moment when Kai Wen decided to send yet another message.

'Syariff did well! The opposing team is quite weak today, I think we can win!'

Why did Kai Wen find the need to send so many messages? This went on for the rest of the first quarter, with Kai Wen reporting live from the debate and Pierre annoyed to the maximum. Thanks to the incessant messages, he could not concentrate on the match. So in the short break that followed, the first thing Pierre did was to step out of the hall and give Kai Wen a call.

The dial tone went on for a while before the other answered.

"Hi Pierre!" Kai Wen greeted happily.

"Hi your head," Pierre grumbled. "I'm trying to watch a match here."

"I'm watching a match here too!" came the reply that made Pierre want to slap his forehead. "The kids are doing well. Wendy's speaking now, I can't talk long on the phone." So said the person who sent a billion text messages earlier.

"Look, I…!" Pierre began angrily, then he reminded himself to stay calm. "I'm glad they're doing well. Thanks for all the updates, but can you wait until after the entire debate? I want to concentrate on the basketball match."

"Oh, sorry," Kai Wen said, and at least there was some remorse in his voice.

"No worries," Pierre said and sighed. "I'm going back to watch my boys now. Leaving the four in your hands."

"Sure. Erm, Pierre?"

"Yes?"

"Sorry. It just feels weird without you here."

Phone pressed against his ear, Pierre took a while to respond to the change in tone.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

The silence dragged on for another awkwardly long second before Pierre said an abrupt 'bye' and hung up. Though he was supposed to return to the hall, he remained standing outside staring blankly at his phone. Kai Wen sounded so pitiful earlier that Pierre just apologised without thinking, and now that he had the time to think, the memories that he most wanted to forget assaulted him.

' _Pierre, please don't ignore me. I miss you. I really do.'_

It had been fourteen years, but lately, that time gap had started to shrink.

With a sharp intake of air, Pierre shoved his phone back into his pockets and return inside.

* * *

It was a narrow victory of 71 to 68. The Zitan boys persevered and refused to back down even after their opponent's fearful lead of twelve points by the end of the third quarter. They resurrected in the final quarter, successfully pushed down their exhausted opponents, and secured their ticket to the semi-finals. When the final whistle blew, the Zitan boys jumped and grabbed one another for hugs while their supporters cried with joy from the audience's seat. The rest of the hall was hushed at first, saddened by their team's loss, but gradually applause spread as they encouraged their friends and humbly congratulated Zitan.

Fifteen minutes later, as they were clearing up and preparing to board the bus, Pierre received the announcement of Zitan's second victory of the day.

'WE WON'

"Yes!" Pierre cried as he read Syariff's simple message, drawing curious glances from his basketball boys. Many more messages came flooding in from the rest of his four minions, all declaring the same thing. A huge grin on his face, Pierre tapped quickly on this phone to reply, but before he could press 'send', a call came in.

"Pierre! We won!" Kai Wen let out whoops of joy, and for once Pierre didn't feel like reminding the other teacher to address him formally when they were in front of students.

"Great! Let me speak to the kids."

The phone was put on loud speaker on Kai Wen's end, and Pierre soon heard the loud and jumbled voices of his students.

"'Cher! Quarter-finals next!" "We clever right? We damn clever right?" "Oh my god! Cannot believe it!"

Pierre held the phone further from his ear as a high-pitched scream rang. He then shouted above their noises, a loud "congratulations".

"Haha! No need so loud, they can hear," Kai Wen said after apparently switching the phone back to its original mode. "We're going to celebrate. I blanjah* Pizza Hut. You're done right? Come and join us!"

"I'll take a while more, you guys go ahead," Pierre said. He really wanted to be there, but he had to send his boys back to school first.

"It's okay, I'll wait for you."

"No, don't. They must be hungry. You treat them first."

"I want you with us. We'll start eating first but I'll wait for you even after they're done."

Was it just him, or was Kai Wen becoming more assertive? Trying not to think too much, Pierre agreed to hurry as best as he could and hung up.

However it took another twenty minutes before the bus finally showed up, and since Jorung was a long way from Zitan, by the time he reached school and dismissed the boys, it was already more than an hour after the call. Because James was 'starving', Kai Wen had decided to bring them to the Pizza Hut branch nearest to Danmun High School, which would take another twenty minutes to drive to.

It was the end of a long busy week and Pierre was drained, but he had promised to join them. He wanted to personally congratulate his students. Stifling a yawn, he threw his backpack on the front seat beside him and started the engine.

His bruised car sped down the highway, and if the other cars could turn heads, they would have taken a moment to check out the hideous scar that ran across the bottom of the side doors. It had been a week since the scratch happened and Pierre still had not found time to paint over it.

This weekend, he would be busy marking his students' essays; he wanted to return everything on Monday so that they could revise for the Mid-Year Examinations. That would burn many hours, and he was going to meet his friends from university for a dinner too. When his car would be healed remained a mystery.

As Pierre drove and listed all he had to do in the weekends, he also remembered that Kai Wen's birthday was in less than six hours. His mind became a jumble from then on as he wondered whether he should, and how he should, wish the other a Happy Birthday. At the same time, he thought of Wendy and wondered if she had given Kai Wen his birthday present, or confessed to him.

An incoming call disrupted his thoughts and he scrambled to put on his earpiece so he could answer it.

"Hello?"

"Pierre, it's me."

"I'm on my way. Reaching in fifteen minutes."

"No, listen."

He thought Kai Wen sounded strangely sombre, so he kept quiet and waited.

"The kids have gone home on their own. Sorry to make you rush, but it's fine now."

'It's fine' as in, Pierre did not have to go there anymore? Confused, he blurted, "You said you'd wait for me."

"I-I'll wait for you! But…I have something to tell you, and ask you first." A sigh could be heard from the other side of the receiver before Kai Wen continued. "Wendy was the one who chased them home. Then she confessed to me."

Pierre's grip tightened on the steering wheel. "Oh" was his only response after a strained silence.

"She said she felt better after letting it out."

"She cried?"

"Of course lah, but that's not the point." There was another pause, and when Kai Wen spoke up again, there was a hint of accusation in his tone. "She said you told her to confess."

"So what if I did?" Pierre shot back, and he honked a reckless motorcyclist who cut into his lane. "I thought it was the best thing to do as a teacher. No point holding on to a hopeless wish."

"No, I know, I'm not questioning your professional judgment. I just…"

"Just what?" Pierre asked impatiently, already thinking twice about meeting up with Kai Wen. Besides, the roads were busy and there was likely a traffic jam ahead of him. If possible, he wanted to hang up there and then so he could concentrate on his driving and get back home before the sun went down.

"Listen, Pierre. I…I've been thinking a lot, since I saw you again after so many years."

The sudden confession stole all of Pierre's focus. His car cruised at a steady speed, leaving a large gap between itself and the car in front while other impatient drivers drove ahead and cut in. He said nothing.

"No, in fact, ever since I returned to Singapore…You have no idea how many times I've thought to look for you."

"What's the point of talking about this now?" Pierre retorted and sought to put an end to the silliness. "I'm driving now, I can't talk. Bye."

"Wait, Pierre, please!"

Once again, it was pity that changed Pierre's mind. Kai Wen's desperation made him feel guilty and made him remember the list of messages from long ago.

' _Please stop ignoring me. I cannot take it.'_

"I thought about you a lot when I was in America too. Every time I passed an exam, I thought about how I wouldn't have gotten this far if not for you."

But Pierre should not be the one feeling guilty. He had done nothing wrong. It was Kai Wen who left.

' _I miss you. Please reply.'_

"When I saw you again…I don't know about you, but I felt so happy."

And as he listened to Kai Wen speak, his felt the anger that he stowed away years ago rising again.

' _It's all my fault. Please forgive me.'_

"Do you think it's possible for us to talk?"

' _I still love you.'_

Pressing harder on the accelerator, Pierre gritted his teeth and spat, "What's the point of talking now?! You think I'd still believe your words?!"

The culmination of Kai Wen's recent harassment, combined with all the unpleasant memories, led to the long-belated outburst. Having heard enough, Pierre raised a hand to yank the earpiece away. So frustrated was he that he did not notice the traffic light ahead turning from green to orange, and then to red. His car sped past all other stationary ones into the middle of the junction, and then there was a loud honk.

The impact came from the side following the horrendous screech of tyres, and Pierre's head suffered a violent jerk. His windows and windscreen were smashed, and the dented door pressed against his injured ribs. The inflated airbags restricted his movement, and as he tried to free himself with his arms, he realised he couldn't. Pain had him paralysed.

"Pierre, are you okay?! Pierre!"

Hearing Kai Wen's noisy voice reminded Pierre that he still had the earpiece in his ear. He did not manage to tear it away after all.

"Shut up lah," he managed to croak, right before darkness claimed him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> *swee - nice / beautiful
> 
> *bagus - good
> 
> *blanjah - give a treat


	13. Chapter 13

_The lights in a corridor were switched on in the dark campus, and they led from the school gate to the indoor sports hall. Loud squeaks, caused by friction between shoes and the floor, could be heard and they are punctuated with rhythmic thumps from the dribbles. Cheers sounded, a whistle was blown, and the basketball boys thanked their coach and teacher-in-charge. They were all exhausted from the night practice and Pierre was not an exception. He leaned against the wall and hunched over, resting his palms on his knees as he panted heavily._

" _Yo Pierre, let's go," one of his teammates called._

_Pierre pushed off the wall, took a long drink from his bottle and zipped up his bag. A towel still hung over his neck, he followed the rest along the corridor as lights went off behind him. That was when he felt the first signs of discomfort. His right foot turned inwards as he walked, but he thought his legs were just tired and thus he did not stop to tend to it. It was still fine when they reached the school gate, he could still smile and wave goodbye to his teammates._

_However, the small discomfort eventually grew into a glaring pain. The more he walked, the more his muscles strained from the unusual landing angle of his foot. He paused, leaned against a lamp post and winced as he rotated his ankle. Perhaps he did not do his stretching well enough, he thought, or perhaps he had landed poorly after a jump. He tried to dismiss the pain and continued walking, and he quickly learned that it was a foolish decision when a step triggered an incredibly sharp pain._

_Groaning, he leaned heavily on the lamp post and suspended his injured foot in the air. His ankle throbbed and he sucked in the night air to tolerate the pain. He considered hopping his way back home, but it was still a distance away. Even standing on one foot had become increasingly difficult by then, and he did not want to risk hurting himself any more. Resigned, he gingerly sat on the ground and fought his fears. He was stranded alone in an empty narrow street where cars seldom passed, and the silence, and darkness, slowly closed in on him._

" _No," he said out loud, to remind himself that he had to be stronger than this. He reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone, and he wondered if he should call his mom. But what could his mom do even if she came? Pierre was bigger and heavier than her, he didn't think she could support his weight all the way home, and he really did not want to rely on his step-father. His next thought went to his basketball team. He didn't know his teacher's number, but he knew his captain's. If he called, he was pretty sure at least two or three of them would come to his aid._

_And then they would take him out from the upcoming competition._

_Pierre didn't want that. He had trained really hard for the match and was looking forward to it. Unless his injury was really serious, he hoped he could endure at least until the match was over. Maybe the pain would go away after a day's rest, but his overprotective captain would never allow someone who just recovered to exert himself._

_He looked up at the bright street lamp, and a helpless smile found his lips. He didn't think he would use up his birthday gift only after two days._

_Text messages were sent, explaining where he was and what happened._

_A reply came, and it only read: "OK"._

_Pierre kept his eyes on the message, clicking a random button once in a while to keep the backlight switched on, and he thought it funny that the short message was sent by someone who usually had too much to say._

_Time passed at an amazing speed as he occupied himself with fond memories of the person he liked and marvelled at how his feelings developed so much over just a few months. But at the same time, his chest squeezed with the knowledge that those feelings would never be returned and they would remain as only friends. It was a clash of sensations; a numbing chill in his chest together with a pleasant warmth in his head._

_But when he saw the approaching figure waving and calling out his name, the warmth won over the chill and he thought being friends was more than good enough. Kai Wen came running for him, as promised, and perhaps that was all he needed._

" _Pierre! You okay or not? Wah lao seriously, why you always scare me one? Hyperventilate, then fever, then now…ey, your ankle is swollen. Maybe it's a sprain."_

_Kai Wen bent over to examine his injury, and Pierre thought he was being as gentle as when he unwrapped the birthday present. He could not prevent a blush from surfacing, and the only consolation he had was that it could not be seen under the poor lighting._

" _Thanks. I guess now you don't owe me anymore."_

" _Huh?" Kai Wen looked up and raised an eyebrow. "What talking you?"_

" _I used the 'I owe you'."_

_It was a shame, really. He thought he could use it to make Kai Wen do something embarrassing, or do some difficult chores for him. Too bad for him, but Kai Wen must feel relieved that he would not be under his mercy._

_His heart almost stopped when his face was held and forced to look the other in the eyes._

" _Siao ah," Kai Wen scolded, his eyes piercing. "I came here not because of a stupid reason like that. Of course I'll come to help you."_

_He went on to talk about how this was not counted and how the 'I owe you' was still in effect, but Pierre was only half listening. He had many things to deal with; the residual warmth on his cheek, the noise of his beating heart and he had to maintain his steady breathing. He could not afford to let Kai Wen know how he felt._

_That resolve, however, was quickly disintegrating._

" _Come," Kai Wen said, squatting with his back turned to Pierre. "I carry you to 24-hour clinic."_

_He stared at the back in disbelief and inwardly shouted at his heart to shut up. His chest would be pressed against that back, and Kai Wen would hear…would sense what he was feeling. It was terrifying. His pulse quickened and his throat ran completely dry._

_He was stupid to think that he could ever be fine with just being friends._

* * *

His entire body ached when he awoke in the private ward. As he wondered what time it was, he learned that any attempt to turn his head brought him only agony. A neck brace held his chin and his right arm was in a cast. His legs appeared fine as he moved them experimentally.

"Kor*, you're awake!"

Now that was a voice he was glad to hear. He smiled as he called her name.

"Clara. Come nearer so I can see you."

"Wait ah, I call mom first."

A soft chuckle rose from his throat and swiftly brought a wince, but his spirits remained lifted. That was his sister all right; the tough girl who never fawned over her brother. When she re-entered his vision, it was with his mother.

"Pierre ah, why were you so careless?" She frowned and asked while helping to put on his spectacles. "Luckily there're no serious injuries. Gave me a heart attack when I heard that you're in hospital!"

"Sorry mom," he said sheepishly and motioned for his sister. "Clara, why are you here? It's morning right? Don't you have school?"

"Kor, you blur ah? Today Saturday, no school," she replied and smiled. "You hungry or thirsty? I ask the nurse to come here."

By reflex, Pierre wanted to nod, but was quickly reminded that he could not.

"Yes. Thanks."

A typical check-up was carried out and he was helped to a sitting position and given pain killers. He learned about the fractured rib on his right and some superficial injuries on his shoulders caused by the glass shards. X-rays were done and it was concluded that there was no need for surgery and he could be discharged later in the day. However, his whiplash, fractured rib and arm would take quite a long time to heal, so he was given medical leave for the entire month.

"Come back and stay with us, Pierre," his mother said while Clara stepped away to answer a call. "At least for this month. Then Clara and your dad can take care of you."

The thought of being taken care of by his step-father made Pierre cringe, but he tried not to let it show.

"Mom, I think I can handle this. I still have my left arm."

"No I don't think so," she argued, with the same unyielding tone she used whenever she told him to study when he was young. "You're very bad at taking care of yourself. I still don't know why you wanted to move out. Clara is very lonely, you know?"

"No, I'm not," Clara turned her head, replied and then resumed talking on the phone.

There went his mother's bargaining chip. Pierre let out another excruciating chuckle.

"Don't worry, I'm fine living alone. I like the place I rented, and besides it's nearer to my school."

"Your workplace, you mean."

"Same lah."

When his mother earned another promotion ten years ago, they sold the old and tiny 3-room flat, bought a condominium and moved there together. That time, Pierre was going through NS and thus seldom came back home, and right after that he chose to stay in the University dorm, just to avoid his step-father. The decision to move out came naturally to him once he started working. Though he could not bear to leave Clara alone, she was supportive and urged him to do whatever he liked. She knew about his trauma, and she was not too fond of her own father either.

They chatted and caught up with one another. His mother mainly complained about Clara's tendency to disappear and the young girl retorted that she simply found no sense in reporting her every movement. Pierre chided her lightly for making their mother worry, but she remained indignant and insisted that she knew what she was doing and would not mix with bad company. Just when Pierre was about to argue, another visitor showed up.

And this time, it was someone he did not want to see.

"Hello, Kai Wen kor kor," Clara greeted like they knew each other for years, much to Pierre's astonishment.

"Kai Wen…?" A pensive look crossed his mother's face as she studied the man's face. "Do I know you?"

"Hello Auntie*, long time no see."

The man showed up neatly dressed and carrying a bag of gifts, and he gave the vibe of a gentleman. He looked nothing like the 'chao ah beng' that Pierre's mother had secretly labelled, and thus it took a while before she drew the link.

"Wow, you've really grown up" she said and gave a polite smile. "I didn't know you two still keep in touch."

"Actually, Auntie, I'm his colleague now."

"Boss, you mean," Clara corrected, and Pierre remained puzzled as to how she knew Kai Wen so well. "He's the Head of Department of English in Zitan High School."

That certainly impressed Pierre's mother, and she now looked at him with greater appreciation than before. Pierre wanted to roll his eyes.

"Kai Wen," he sighed. "You didn't have to come."

"Of course I'd come," Kai Wen said as he stood next to his bed. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah."

"Yesterday Kai Wen kor kor was here with you too, but he got chased out when the visiting hours were over."

Clara's report from the side made both men embarrassed, and Kai Wen turned to say something to her that Pierre could not hear. He turned the upper half of his body though it hurt, so he could face them, and jealousy crept up when he saw his sister smiling and whispering to his boss.

"Hey, lay your hands off my sister."

"I didn't touch her," Kai Wen defended himself and raised both hands.

"Don't worry lah. Kai Wen kor kor was asking about your condition so I'm just giving him updates."

"Hey Clara, you're not supposed to tell him that."

That familiarity between the two irked Pierre to no end, especially when he entertained the possibility of his innocent sister being duped by the cunning liar's sweet talking. What's worse was that even his mother fell prey. She chatted about the 'good old days' with Kai Wen and asked how her son was doing at work. Pierre wondered if any of them still remembered he just suffered a car accident.

"Okay mom, I'm hungry. Let's go eat lunch," Clara said after a particularly long whisper session with Kai Wen, and with that, the young girl waved to her brother and dragged her mother out of the ward. Pierre's hand remained outstretched in his failed attempt to make his sister stay, and it fell aside only after he heard the final click of the shut door.

It was the worst case scenario, Pierre could not escape even if he wanted to. He could hardly even sit up on his own. He was lucky that his fractured rib did not puncture his lungs, but now he thought, the oppressive awkwardness just might.

"Clara's an interesting girl," Kai Wen commented.

"Don't you dare to get any ideas."

"Of course I won't. I envy your sister. She had fourteen years of your love."

Pierre pretended not to have heard that and changed the topic.

"How did you know her?"

"We met here last night and exchanged numbers. They rushed here upon knowing that you met with an accident."

Kai Wen went on to explain how he found Pierre. The paramedics noticed that their phone call was still connected and thus informed him about the situation.

Pierre listened, hummed in a non-committal way and shut his eyes. Perhaps Kai Wen would think he needed rest and leave him alone. The much needed silence finally came when Kai Wen finished explaining, and Pierre hoped that it would remain that way. Though it was unsettling, he waited for Kai Wen to leave while being alert to every little sound made. The soft whirl of the air-conditioner, his own steady breathing and Kai Wen's footsteps.

But instead of getting softer, those footsteps grew slightly in volume, and he thought he felt Kai Wen drawing closer. Alarmed, his eyes shot open just as his spectacles were removed.

Kai Wen let out a surprised yelp and backed away.

"I thought you fell asleep!"

That was the plan! Pierre glared at Kai Wen, or at the blurry silhouette that was Kai Wen, and felt his cheeks growing hot. It was shameful to have his ploy seen through. He reached out with his good arm to demand for the spectacles, but it was not returned.

"You don't need it for now," was Kai Wen's excuse.

Giving up, Pierre thought to speak about work, the safest topic between them.

"I still have two stacks of essays at home, not marked yet," he said softly. "I promised my classes I would return them on Monday."

"Nah, forget it. Let the students burn. It can't be helped."

"I won't be able to mark the Mid-Year Examination scripts too."

"I know. I'll make arrangements, don't worry."

"How are the debate kids?"

"They don't know you're hospitalised. I don't want them to think it's their fault."

Good call on Kai Wen's part, Pierre thought. No reason to worry the kids, especially since his injuries were not serious. Wendy was probably still nursing her broken heart too. A sigh left his lips when he realised that he would only see them again after two months, after the June Holidays. He had not even personally congratulated them yet.

"Please tell them I'm proud of them for making it into the quarter-finals."

"Already did," Kai Wen reassured and brought out his visiting gifts. "I got some tonic for you, they're supposed to be good for the bones."

"Thanks, you shouldn't have."

"No, I should."

When Pierre glanced to his side, he saw Kai Wen sitting on the chair beside his bed with his head bowed.

"It's my fault. I'm sorry."

A curious impulse rushed over Pierre and he found himself dying to know what expression Kai Wen wore. And if it was a frown, he wished to wipe it away.

"It's not your fault. I was the one driving recklessly."

"No I should have hung up earlier. I shouldn't have…"

Kai Wen's voice trailed off into the uncomfortable silence, and as much as Pierre wanted to tell the other to feel less guilty, he could not, not after their conversation on the phone and the hinted request to get back together. Or perhaps he  _wanted_  Kai Wen to feel guilty, for…everything. He did not understand himself anymore, so he kept his mouth shut, until he suddenly remembered something.

"Oh yeah. Happy birthday."

He said it in the most casual manner possible, even risking sounding nonchalant about it. But a side of him, the side that confused him, hoped that it cheered Kai Wen up just a little.

He gasped when his left hand was suddenly held.

"It must hurt," Kai Wen mumbled, his thumb stroking the skin beside where the IV needle was inserted. "It must hurt like hell."

Taken aback, Pierre held his breath and could not reply. He merely watched the blurry figure lift his hand.

"I'm so sorry."

Warm air hit his knuckles, there was a soft sensation of lips against skin, and then he realised Kai Wen was kissing his hand.

"L-Let go," Pierre stuttered, but he did not pull away.

"I've decided... I've decided I don't want to lose you ever again."

For a moment, Pierre almost believed. Kai Wen sounded sincere, like he was about to cry from that heartfelt declaration, but then he remembered. Kai Wen was a liar.

"Don't be so dramatic."

"I mean it! When I heard the crash, I lost it. I didn't know what to do. I was shouting and shouting into the phone like a lunatic. You…" the man gulped before going on, "you must have realised by now. I still have feelings for you."

A shuddery breath left Pierre, and he sucked in another.

"It's been fourteen years. You're disillusioned."

"I'm not." Some anger leaked in Kai Wen's words, and Pierre felt his hand lifted for another kiss. "I've fallen for you again, Pierre."

All those alternatives, those desperate measures to avoid saying the important three words, told Pierre that it was as he thought. Kai Wen was a cunning person.

"I only see you as a colleague now," he said, wanting to smash the too-beautiful illusion that even he was tempted to believe. "I don't feel anything for you."

"Really?"

The side of his bed dented as Kai Wen's hand pressed on it, using it to support his upper body which was now looming over Pierre.

"W-What do you want?"

"Am I not being obvious enough?"

The suggestive words and distance between them set off alarms in Pierre. His left hand scrambled for the emergency button, thinking to call a nurse, but it was caught before he could succeed. That hand was instead, placed against Kai Wen's chest.

"Give the slightest pressure, and I'll back off," Kai Wen whispered. "Otherwise, I'm going to claim my birthday gift."

"F-Fuck off. What do you think I am?" Flames licked Pierre's face and though his words were fierce, his arm remained passive and his palm sensed every heavy thump of Kai Wen's heart. "Shit. Don't you dare. I'll fucking kill you."

"Then push me away."

His head was held in place and his spectacles were removed. Pierre was vulnerable, and he had completely forgotten that his legs were fine. His left arm too, forgot how to push. All that occupied his mind was the irrational rush of adrenaline, his own pumping heart and the electric pulse that numbed his body as he trembled in confused anticipation.

Kai Wen leaned in close and his hand fell away. A thumb caressed the area above his right cheek and his eyes went shut. Then their lips reunited.

* * *

_It just burst out; a shaky whisper, muffled because he had his face pressed against Kai Wen's shoulder._

" _I like you."_

_There was only so much a receptacle could hold before its contents overflowed. Though he tried hard to hold back, reminded himself that he did not want to lose their precious friendship just because of his hopeless greed, he simply couldn't. Arms wound tightly around the other's neck, Pierre buried his face deeper and apologised for not being able to be his friend anymore._

_Kai Wen's step came to a stop. He adjusted his hold and pushed Pierre higher up his back before he spoke._

" _What did you say just now?"_

" _I said I'm sorry."_

" _Not that one lah. Before that."_

"… _Nothing."_

" _Ey!" Kai Wen strained his neck to see Pierre, but he couldn't. "Ey you don't like that leh! You don't…you don't say something so important when I cannot see your face leh."_

" _You heard wrongly," Pierre lied, desperate to make up for his mistake. "I didn't say anything."_

" _Fuck you lah, I know what I heard. I'm not deaf hor!"_

_Kai Wen set off again, this time at a faster pace._

" _We find somewhere to sit down first, then we talk properly."_

_Fearful of the confrontation, Pierre argued against that suggestion with a plethora of excuses; that it was late and they should go home, that his ankle hurt and he needed to see the doctor soon. None of them worked, and if anything, they only fuelled Kai Wen's march. Before long, a HDB block was sighted. Kai Wen went straight to it despite Pierre's protests and set him down carefully on a bench in the void deck._

_Pierre used the towel hanging around his neck to cover his face. He stank, yet Kai Wen carried him without minding all his sweat._

" _Okay. Now say again. And don't hide leh," Kai Wen scolded and yanked that piece of fabric from Pierre's grasp. Left with no cover, Pierre raised his hands, but they were eventually pried away as well. His burning cheeks were exposed, and he was dead certain he looked retarded._

" _D-Don't look," he begged, but was ignored._

" _Say again leh Pierre. Say it again. I want to hear."_

" _Fuck you lah I said it's nothing already right?!" Overcome by the agonising embarrassment, Pierre lashed out at Kai Wen and tears sprang to his eyes. "I don't want to say already okay?! Say liao, cannot be buddies anymore you understand or not?!"_

" _Wah lao," Kai Wen spun away in frustration, then he knelt down and pulled Pierre into a hug. "You so loud, want the whole block to hear ah? Don't cry leh."_

" _I-I'm not crying!"_

" _I like you too."_

_The declaration was made in the midst of Pierre's self-defence, and for a while he thought he heard wrongly._

"… _It's sibei long ago, but ever since that time you hugged me when I was crying, I think I already…" The recount was broken with a sigh and then stitched with another, "and when you gave me the phone that day, I thought, die lah, I confirm…"_

_The bits of memories were pieced together in Pierre's head, and he took time to digest._

" _...I not obvious enough meh?" Kai Wen asked. "I thought I very obvious already."_

" _No leh. Not obvious. I cannot tell," Pierre answered._

_They separated to look at each other, and then for some odd reason, they found hilarity in their situation._

" _Shit. So you also same as me," Pierre said with a chuckle._

" _What same?"_

" _Gay lah."_

" _Wah lao!" Kai Wen exclaimed, Pierre hushed him, and he quieted down into a heated whisper. "Han na! I gay for you only lah, cannot ah?!"_

_Their random banter continued without direction, mainly with them bringing up random moments in the past and checking how each other felt then. It turned out that there were more similarities than they thought, and they were both strongly affected by the more significant moments of their relationship. Both had the silliest smiles on their faces by the time they ran out of things to reminisce._

" _So now how?" Pierre asked, feeling glad that, in a way, they were still interacting as usual._

" _Now go see doctor lah! Unless…" Kai Wen's eyes darted about uncertainly, and he was blushing. "Unless you want to do something else first."_

_His voice tapered into a nothingness at the last syllable, but Pierre heard him just fine and understood what he was trying to hint at._

_But "oh" was his only dumb reply._

_It took an entire minute before Kai Wen mustered his courage to hold Pierre's hands. The touch, promising what was to come, made both of them blush like crazy and hold on tighter than necessary. Then, spurred by an impatience akin to a suicide bomber's, Pierre leaned forward, closed his eyes and entrusted the rest to Kai Wen._

_Their lips touched, barely ghosting over each other, and it was held for a brave three seconds before they both retreated._

" _O-Okay. Uh, doctor. Yeah."_

" _Huh? O-Oh yeah. Doctor."_

_They stuttered, fumbled in resuming the piggyback and Kai Wen almost tripped. Pierre lunged forward and he held on so tightly that he choked Kai Wen. They accused each other, argued and laughed. When Pierre reached the clinic, he momentarily forgot why he was even going there in the first place. So strong was the blissful warmth that enveloped him that it chased away all his pain. And deep in his childish heart, deeper than everything he had allowed Kai Wen to see, he decided that this was the only person he wanted to love, forever._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note:
> 
> Kor - older brother
> 
> Auntie - Singaporeans call any middle aged woman 'auntie'. No blood relation required.
> 
> Yay they kissed~ But unfortunately things will become rather sad eventually as the story reveals how they separated.
> 
> I HAVE A REQUEST!
> 
> It's silly, but it will be great if you can let me know which Kai Wen you like more, the teenager or the adult. You can send me a PM if you're too shy to leave a review~
> 
> Why am I asking this? Uh, I'm just curious. _ I know only a handful are reading this story so I thought it'll be nice to hear from you, especially if you're a fellow Singaporean~


	14. Chapter 14

The glass fell to the floor with a loud crash and Pierre jumped away to avoid the shattered pieces. He quickly set down the jug he held in his left hand, and then using the same hand, because his right arm was still in a cast, he bent down to pick up the pieces. He sulked as he did so, for those fragile kitchen wares were getting fewer as the weeks passed in his partially disabled state; he had Clara to thank for periodically coming over to help him, otherwise there might not even be a single cup left.

From outside the kitchen, a concerned voice asked if he was all right and he hastily replied that he was fine. Nevertheless, footsteps became louder and his friend stood at the doorway with arms crossed.

"Oi, what are you trying to do?"

"Pour water for you loh."

"I can pour for myself," the man said, shooed Pierre away and picked up the pieces on his behalf. "You go sit outside."

"But – "

Pierre's hesitation brought him a glare, or rather, a glare was all his friend ever wore. Cursed with an eternal look of gloom, Edward had been scaring his peers and underclassmen since 2001, even though he was a kind soul deep inside. Caring, thoughtful, responsible, and with a face nasty enough to bring the rowdy first-years under control, it was no wonder that he was appointed the captain of the basketball team back when they were both in Secondary Three. To others, he was the fearsome basketball 'lao da*', but to his team which knew him well, he was just a grumpy mama.

Edward was the only person from Zitan Pierre actively kept in contact with. They played basketball together from time to time, and though that occurrence had dwindled from once-a-week to once-a-year, Pierre still regarded Edward as an important friend. And on this important day, he had decided to seek help from him.

"So when will he be coming?" Edward asked when they were both back in the living room, the debris in the kitchen cleared.

"Soon, I guess. Sorry to trouble you," Pierre said, and his politeness earned yet another glare that was actually supposed to be a dead-panned look.

"Tell me why you don't want to be alone with this man whose identity you have yet to reveal."

"I don't get along with him," was the short version of the long story. "Anyway you might recognise him later."

Edward shrugged, drank the coffee he had unceremoniously made for himself and leaned back on the sofa.

"Basically I'm your bouncer for the day?"

"Something like that. Yeah," Pierre admitted and sipped his tea. "It's not that he's dangerous…uh, okay in a way he  _is_  dangerous. Aiya, I just don't want to be alone with him."

A pensive look crossed Edward's face as he studied Pierre, then his eyebrow lifted – the only change to his stoic face – and he gave a point-blank shot.

"He likes you, or you like him?"

Sputtering and coughing, Pierre quickly placed the teacup he was holding on the table, lest he broke yet another kitchen ware.

"I-It's not like that," he lied. "He's just a colleague coming to give me updates on work."

"Sure."

After the nonchalant reply, Edward simply went back to enjoying his coffee. That was one big reason Pierre chose to ask him for help instead of Clara or any of his university dorm-mates – Edward was never pushy. But of course, the biggest reason was that Edward was his only male, straight friend who knew about his sexual orientation and still stayed friends with him. This level of understanding and acceptance was all the more rare considering how they seldom met.

For a while, Pierre had wondered if he should ask Edward to pretend to be his boyfriend. He knew the other wouldn't mind because they did that before when Pierre encountered a particularly clingy suitor. But he knew this trick would not work on Kai Wen. It would not convince him to back off, and would instead make him even more determined.

The next few minutes of wait were agonising for Pierre and he paced about trying to curb the nervousness. They had not met since that day at the hospital, in fact, Pierre had refused to speak to him or reply to his messages for the past three weeks, all because what Kai Wen did completely crossed the line.

* * *

_The kiss lingered until both of them ran out of breath. They gazed at each other in a daze, sharing the warm puffs of air between their lips. Pierre sensed Kai Wen stroking his cheek mindlessly, and he saw, even with his poor vision, how those eyes darted to his lips time and again as if asking for permission. That was what reminded Pierre that he had not given any permission in the first place. Kai Wen had taken advantage of his moment of weakness._

_Too fast for the other to react, Pierre pushed the call-button._

_A soft bell sounded, Kai Wen's eyes widened and Pierre pinned him with an unforgiving glare. Then without saying a word, Kai Wen left just as a nurse entered._

_The apology came only as a text message two hours later, and even then it was incomplete, for Kai Wen said he was sorry for startling Pierre, but not sorry about the kiss. Subsequently, that man dropped off fruits at his doorstep – peeled, cut and freshly stored in Tupperware – but he never knocked. He only sent Pierre a message to check his door._

_Pierre had his car to deal with, and he had to manage most of his chores with one arm and an aching neck, so he decided he was not about to expend extra energy replying Kai Wen with his clumsy left hand. Eventually, those messages increased in frequency, asking about his well-being and wishing him a speedy recovery. It was as if Kai Wen decided he had given Pierre enough time to cool down, and that was what irked Pierre the most._

_At last, he replied. 'Don't bother me, I'm resting.'_

_The message he got in return was, 'When can I visit?'_

_The housefly had found its match; Pierre was sure he had never met a man more persistent than Kai Wen. Did he not understand the meaning of 'don't bother me'? In a flurry, Pierre worked to type a furious message to swat the giant fly away, but his left thumb was less flexible and before he could finish typing, another message came in._

' _Please. I really want to see you.'_

_The cursor blinked at the last letter of the incomplete word Pierre was typing, waiting for the next input. After a while, it ran backwards, erasing the planned rejection letter by letter, until the text box was blank once again._

_Pierre sighed, typed 'tomorrow afternoon', pressed 'send' and hurriedly stuffed the phone in his pocket so he could pretend in front of thin air that he did not just give consent._

* * *

The doorbell chimed and Pierre jumped. He glanced around the house to make sure that the floor he swept hours ago remained clean and that the table was tidy. Then he smoothed down his hair and reached for the doorknob.

"Hello."

"Hi, Pierre."

Kai Wen wore a T-shirt with hoodie attached and matched it with a pair of jeans; casual enough for a house visit yet proper enough to show regard. His usual bag was slung across his shoulders and in his hand was a plastic bag full of snacks.

"You look better," he said with a careful smile. "I'm glad you're recovering well."

"Thanks," Pierre said, keeping his eyes down. Then he turned his body sideways and motioned for the man to enter. "Come in."

With the door wide open, Edward, who was ensconced on the sofa, was in plain view from the corridor. Kai Wen looked taken aback for a second, then he gave the other man a polite wave which was returned in kind.

"I'm sorry to bother you, I didn't know you already have company," he said while adverting his gaze to the wall beside them. "Guess I'll make a move."

That was…unexpectedly easy? Confused, Pierre merely watched as Kai Wen turned and walked towards the elevator which was positioned awkwardly nearby. The number indicated on the screen above counted down and when it reached their level, Pierre spoke.

"Wait."

The doors opened with a cheerful 'ding', received no guest and closed. The two men stood facing each other without saying a word. It was the first time in weeks that Pierre properly looked Kai Wen in the eyes, and now that he did, he could not look away. And he began blaming himself for asking Edward to come over. It wasn't his intention to scare away a visitor who meant well.

"D-Don't misunderstand," Pierre stuttered as a part of him questioned his act of defending himself. "He…He's not my boyfriend or anything like that…"

As Pierre's voice diminished into a whisper, another voice took over.

"Hey, uh, what's your name?" Edward asked while leaning against the doorframe.

"I'm Kai Wen, nice to meet you."

"Ey, what 'nice to meet you'? You don't remember me at all ah?"

A rare smile appeared on Edward's face as Kai Wen appeared puzzled until recognition sank in.

"Oh! You're the basketball captain! The botak*!"

"'Edward' lah, not 'botak'."

"Yeah, Edward! We were in the same chemistry class right? Long time no see ah."

As if the moment of gloom never happened, Kai Wen was snapped back to his cheerful smile. He gave Edward a pat on his shoulder and had a brief catching up. That was Kai Wen all right, Pierre thought as he watched them interact. Anyone who had spoken to him before would know that he could be friendly with anyone. And after spending so many years in America, he had probably become the type who could give hugs, and kisses, to anyone.

Ironically it was with Edward's presence that things became less weird, and Kai Wen could inquire normally about how Pierre was doing and when his cast would be removed. He then shared about his stay in America, which was also news to Pierre. They laughed together when Kai Wen told them the embarrassing moments when he misheard the Americans due to their accent and made a fool of himself.

"So you went to Harvard," Edward said with both brows lifted, which meant he was impressed.

"Yeah." Kai Wen gave a sheepish laugh. "Was bloody difficult to get in. I really mugged like crazy, and even then I was at the bottom of the cohort."

"But still, you made it in. Not an easy feat."

"You're not too bad yourself, doing Master's and all."

They were interrupted by a chime reminiscent of the old Nokia tune.

"Oh shit. I forgot about them," Kai Wen muttered as he dug his sling bag to retrieve his phone.

"Them?" Pierre prompted, getting a bad feeling. His fears were confirmed when Kai Wen looked at him apologetically.

"Sorry, I let it slip, and since then Syariff has been practically hounding me for your address so they could visit you," Kai Wen explained while typing a reply. "They wanted it to be a surprise, but I insisted to get your permission first, so they agreed to wait downstairs."

"Then they have patiently waited for over twenty minutes," Edward commented as he looked at the clock, making both teachers wince.

"Pierre, can I - ?"

"Yes, yes let them come up."

Kai Wen stood up holding only his hand phone, then he turned and motioned to his bag.

"And can I -?"

"Yes just leave your things here," Pierre said impatiently and shooed the man away. He released his sigh after the door closed. "Can't believe they're here. Can't believe he forgot about them."

"He was too nervous." Commenting in complete neutrality, Edward began packing up his bag, and before Pierre could ask, he answered. "I'm going off. You don't need me around anymore."

"Sorry…and thank you, for breaking the ice."

"Figured I better do something," Edward said and shrugged. "Anyway, now I understand. He's your first love right? The one who made you cry for a few days and skip school."

A blush spread across Pierre's cheek as he gave a meek nod.

"I didn't think you'll still remember."

"Of course I will. You skipped a crucial match because of him and I had to take you out of the tournament. Caused a big hoo-hah because you were one of the best players."

The short recollection ended when they reached the door. Pierre sent Edward off and the latter gave him a pat on the head.

"If anything, call me."

"Thanks."

Pierre remained at the door and waited for the elevator to arrive. When it did, he waved and gave his thanks yet again, and that was when Edward decided to speak his mind.

"Give him a chance," he said while holding the button to keep the elevator open. "I don't know what happened between you two, but he's a good guy. At least better than the dozens who tried to pick you up at the gay bars and those who stalked you on facebook."

Most of the time, Pierre appreciated Edward's frankness, but he honestly did not want to hear such a comment right now.

"He  _was_  a good guy. Now I'm not sure. It's been fourteen years."

"Exactly. Fourteen years apart and he still likes you. That speaks something about him."

Impatience showed on Pierre's face and Edward took the hint. He waved one last time before stepping into the elevator.

Soon after, another 'ding' sounded and out popped his minions.

"'CHER!" they exclaimed, and Pierre wished he had both hands to cover his ears.

* * *

One little, two little, three little minions.*

The fourth was nowhere to be seen.

"'Cher, uh, that James," Syariff started and shook his head. "You don't mind ah. He's always like that one."

"Said he had better things to do," Wendy explained and rolled her eyes. "Still a bloody cold bastard."

"Aiya, never mind. More snacks for us!"

A cheer followed Bhavita's declaration and they ripped apart the bags of chips that their Mr Chen bought for them. One must wonder if these chipmunks were really here to visit their teacher or here just for the snacks. They spoke with their mouths full, asking half-hearted questions about Pierre and giving enthusiastic comments about how neat the small apartment was, all the while dirtying the clean floor with fragments of chips that spewed from their mouths.

"'Cher you disappeared for one entire month, we thought you die already," Syariff said and laughed, undaunted even when Wendy whacked him on the head.

"Choy!* You shut up and eat lah."

The only one who seemed more concerned was Bhavita.

"Mr Tan," she asked distractedly while eyeing the snacks, wondering which bag to stick her hand in next. "Will you come back and teach us after the June holidays?"

"Yes I'll be fine by then."

She gave her teacher a smile, and it would have been a beautiful sight if her jaw had not dropped the next moment to accommodate more chips in her mouth.

"I really shouldn't have bought so much," Kai Wen said, and the exasperated sigh that followed made Pierre smile.

"It's fine. They're young and can take any amount of trash in their bodies."

The two teachers fell silent as they observed the young ones chatter among themselves. They had endless things to talk about and never ran out of pointless games. At first, Pierre thought they would tell him all about the debate match he missed, but apparently that event happened too long ago and had been pushed out of their heads by more recent happenings in their lives. Instead of talking about their victory, they shared nervousness about the next match. The young ones always looked forward while the older ones looked back.

"We used to be like them when we were young," Kai Wen mused quietly. "We ate a lot of trash too while studying, remember?"

Pierre nodded and could not help the fond smile that tugged at his lips. "You and your Zinger burgers. I couldn't believe how you never got sick of them."

In his mind, he saw the young Kai Wen again, munching on the burger like it was precious ration given out after weeks of starvation. The mayonnaise would sometimes stain his nose and Pierre had to point it out to him. Then always there would be that stupid grin as he said his thanks and continued munching. That sight had really been all Pierre needed.

"Oh yeah, I was so shameless back then. Kept leeching off you." Kai Wen scratched the back of his neck. "But thanks to you I grew a good 10cm in those few months."

"Go to hell. I was so pissed when you shot taller than me."

"Those months were too short."

The disjointedness in their conversation made Pierre look away from his students, and that decision was one he immediately regretted. There was so much guilt in Kai Wen's eyes, so much regret and sadness, that it strangled Pierre and made him feel like the villain. He couldn't forgive – there was nothing to forgive because all of it was supposed to have been washed away by the flow of time – and yet he could not look away.

"Pierre, please tell me," he said with head lowered as if he was uttering a prayer. "Do I still have a cha-"

"Mr Chen!" Bhavita cried and shrieked when Syariff pulled the emptied chips bag over her head. "You see what he's doing?!"

Delicate moment broken, the two men shifted apart. One mumbled about returning something and the other went to scold the two bickering children. When Pierre reached the kitchen, he leaned against the wall and took a deep breath, thanking God that they were interrupted. He knew what Kai Wen wanted to ask. It was a question he wasn't prepared to answer.

Pushing it to the back of his mind, he strode to the drawers and retrieved the Tupperware boxes that once contained cut fruits. He almost bumped into Wendy when he turned around.

"'Cher, I want to talk to you a bit, can?" she asked while taking the boxes from Pierre's hand. "I'll make it quick."

"Sure, go ahead," Pierre nodded and then remembered that this young lady had confessed and was rejected not too long ago. She behaved so naturally around Kai Wen that Pierre forgot.

"Eh, 'cher, I just want to thank you lah," she said with a rare bashful smile that softened the tough aura she always projected. "You were right, it's better to confess. I…I got cry for a while lah, but after that I felt better. Then I think think hor, I realised I quite stupid lah. Mr Chen so much older than me I also like. Really something wrong with me back then, like got fever, cannot think straight. Can you imagine? When I become twenty five, he would already be thirty nine! Ew, so old, I don't want loh."

As Pierre listened to Wendy, he thought about how much stronger this girl was compared to when he was young. He had cried too, had scolded himself for being stupid too, but unlike her, he never really got over his feelings.

Wendy laughed and scratched her head when she was done.

"So, yeah, that's all. I very stupid hor?"

"Not at all," Pierre said with a gentle smile. "You're a good girl. I'm sure when you grow up, men will queue up to take you out for dates."

"'Cher you too nice lah. Anyway, that's for the future! Now have to study hard. Like what we said in debate loh, dating will distract us." She grinned, nodded and skipped back to the living room.

There were times when Pierre doubted if he was suited for his career, or whether he even wanted it in the first place, but there would always be little moments like this that pulled him back and made him stay. Funny how his reluctant decision to sign the students up for debate made them change for the better. Granted, Syariff was still a joker, Wendy still spouted vulgarities now and then, and Bhavita was still rather timid. But they had each found meaning and learnt something from the debates, precious things that had nothing to do with their studies. Even after five years of teaching, Pierre was still amazed at how much his students could grow.

It also made him wonder, as he watched the other teacher force the students to clean the place up, what he gained from the debates in the past. Then he realised most of what he learnt involved Kai Wen. Dating was distracting indeed.

"Bye, 'cher! You take care!" Syariff said and waved. The girls followed suit and jokingly thanked their teachers the same way they did their monotonous class greetings.

"Bye. Enjoy your holidays."

Pierre stood at his door, glad that the elevator would be swallowing his minions soon and return him his much-needed peace. They waved at him more than three times during the wait, and after one final wave, they were out of sight and Pierre could stop being Mr Tan.

It was the same for Kai Wen. He stopped being Mr Chen as he stepped out right before the elevator closed and waved at his surprised students. They protested, their loud voices muted by the closed doors, and they were carried down by the elevator which was too abused through the years to react to any last minute changes.

Pierre was suddenly left alone with Kai Wen.

"…Did you forget anything?" Pierre asked and took a step back.

"I did."

Kai Wen gave a wry smile, and it made Pierre even more uncomfortable. Memories of their kiss, and of the moment they shared just minutes ago, came back to him and he wished that the other would not continue from where they were interrupted.

But instead of  _that_ question, Kai Wen said something else that Pierre did not expect.

"I'm going back to America."

Whether intentional or not, the silence dragged on, forcing Pierre to fully digest his shock and sense the flip in his stomach, before Kai Wen continued.

"I have to visit my uncle. He's done a lot for me during my stay there, so I thought I'd go back and say hi," he explained while keeping his eyes on Pierre. "I'll come back on the last week of the June holidays."

But of course. Kai Wen had a job here and was not going to quit in such a short notice. Pierre held back a sigh of relief.

"Enjoy your trip."

"Thanks."

The neutral exchange was over, but Kai Wen remained where he stood without making any move to press for the elevator. Pierre thought it would be rude to shut the door in Kai Wen's face, so he too stood still, not knowing what to do. He tried not to back away when Kai Wen approached, and he held his breath when he saw the man raise his hand.

"Pierre," he called and lightly brushed his fingertips over the cast that wrapped around the injured arm. "When I come back, will you please go out with me?"

The fingers trailed downwards as Kai Wen waited for a response, but Pierre was busy debating with himself whether to pull away. Technically, Kai Wen was not touching him. So this was all right, wasn't it?

"Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere. We'll go anywhere you like."

"That's vague."

"Oh. Then I...I will think of something. Okay?"

The fingers grew impatient, and they rushed down the cast towards the exposed hand at a speed that alarmed Pierre. He twisted his body and pulled away upon contact, leaving Kai Wen's hand suspended in mid-air.

"…Guess I'll ask again after I come back. Take care."

There it was again, that pitiful look.

Pierre gritted his teeth and fiddled with the ends of his shirt as the conflicting thoughts waged a war inside. This was not fair,  _he_ was the one being pestered, so why did he feel guilty? Sick and tired of being so confused, he forcibly put a stop to the war though it had not reached a conclusion.

"Wait." He called for Kai Wen a second time, and he stretched out his good arm for a handshake. "Have...Have a safe flight."

A handshake was totally not needed. It was an excuse, but an excuse for what, Pierre didn't know. Then again it was just a handshake, something that was normal between colleagues. Yes, this was normal, he convinced himself even as his ears grew red.

Kai Wen was stunned for a while, but he quickly reacted and clasped the offered hand in both of his own.

"Thank you," he said with the same level of gratitude as a nominee receiving an award. "Thank you, Pierre."

After that, his hand was released and Kai Wen stepped into the elevator. Pierre went back into his house and plopped himself on the sofa, his mind somewhat dazed as it tried to process how he would not be receiving fruits or text messages for the next two weeks. He wondered which part of America Kai Wen was going, and whether he would be visiting his friends over there. He also wondered who those friends were.

Settling into a lying position, he closed his eyes to appreciate the peace and carelessly placed his phone on the coffee table. There was no more need to keep a close watch on his phone for the next two weeks.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> *lao da - Boss. Commonly used in mafia or business context.
> 
> *botak - bald (baldie)
> 
> *one little two little three little minions - Poking fun at the children's rhyme 'Ten Little Indians'
> 
> *choy - equivalent to 'touch wood'. Said when someone curses another, and you want to, uh, dispel the curse.
> 
> I wrote about Edward only because my sister said she's curious about that 'overprotective captain'. So this is just a one-time cameo appearance haha. Won't be writing about him in the following chapters.


	15. Chapter 15

_It was a rare afternoon without CCA or remedial lessons. Kai Wen and Pierre sat in their empty classroom doing their homework while listening to the NPCC leaders shouting commands at the ground level. Pierre had been the one to suggest staying in school instead of going to his house, for various reasons, and Kai Wen had agreed to it thinking that the environment would be more conducive for studying._

_Not thirty minutes into their revision, Kai Wen began playing with Pierre's hair._

" _Oi, focus leh. Tomorrow got test."_

" _Han na."_

_Another twenty minutes later, Kai Wen reached out to hold Pierre's hand, preventing him from flipping the pages of his Math textbook._

" _Oi."_

" _Han na han na."_

_The next distraction came less than ten minutes later as Kai Wen tried to sneak an arm round his waist._

" _Oi seriously. Enough hor," Pierre snapped while holding up the arm that he caught red-handed._

" _Haiya! I…I touch a bit also cannot ah?"_

_Sulking, Kai Wen returned to his essay which consisted of only one pathetic paragraph even though an hour had passed. That young man lacked focus to begin with. Placed beside his ultimate distraction, it was no wonder his brain could not function. And that was the main reason why Pierre avoided bringing him to his house ever since their confession. He knew Kai Wen cared deeply for him, but he was also impatient and rash. If they were left alone in an empty apartment, he was not so sure what would happen._

" _Fuck it," Kai Wen grumbled, threw his pen aside and slumped over his work. "No motivation lah."_

_Pierre ignored the whines. He had already made it very clear to Kai Wen that studying was for his own good, and he was not going to bother repeating himself. In fact, he was quite disappointed. What happened to the excellent student who persevered against all odds and improved in English over the June holidays?_

" _If I knew you'd become like this, I wouldn't have confessed to you," Pierre said with a straight face and Kai Wen brought up a hand to cover his wounded heart._

" _Wah lao…you say until like that…"_

_Sulking even more, Kai Wen straightened his back and tried once again to confront his essay, but his eyes kept escaping to Pierre while sighs escaped his lips. Pierre tried to tolerate it for a few more minutes, but he found himself affected eventually. He bit his bottom lip and tried hard not to blush as Kai Wen gave up on his essay and settled on studying Pierre instead._

" _You really very cute leh."_

_The dreamy comment was followed by an attempt to touch Pierre's face, which was growing hotter by the seconds. He managed to dodge, but was too slow to avoid the arm that once again sought to wrap around his waist. Caught in the half embrace, Pierre twisted, but there was little strength in his resistance._

" _Don't be like this," he whispered though no one else was in earshot. He regretted sitting beside Kai Wen. He should have sat opposite._

" _Pierre, can kiss or not?" Kai Wen asked as he drew nearer. Pierre leaned back as much as he could, but the hand on his back prevented him from going far._

" _C-Cannot lah…"_

_The weak protest was ignored and Kai Wen lowered himself deliberately so he could look up into Pierre's eyes._

" _Please?"_

_The tips of their noses touched and Pierre sucked in a breath. His mind was in a mess, still in disbelief that Kai Wen was serious about doing this in public. They were in school! They were in class! The doors and windows were all wide open!_

_Hands clutching Kai Wen's shoulder, Pierre tried one more protest._

" _Wait, n-not in class…"_

" _No one will see."_

_That day, as they sat kissing in the classroom, Pierre thought he had let his mother down by being gay and by doing something so shameful in school. It was the most daring thing he had ever done, incomparable even to that time when he stepped out before the gang that Kai Wen was involved in. It was all Kai Wen's fault, he inwardly grumbled as he succumbed helplessly to that kiss, and the next, and then another._

_That day, he learnt that Kai Wen was a kissing monster._

* * *

Pierre stood leaning against the wall with his arms crossed as he read the message on his phone and duly noted the estimated time of arrival. The wait would soon be over, but Pierre continued listening to music through his earphones. The more distractions, the better, and he hoped that they would make him forget whom he was waiting for.

Kai Wen entered his view soon enough, climbing the escalator in his rush to reach the top. The man scanned the crowd, found Pierre immediately, and waved with a large sweeping motion that caught the attention of many who passed by. Pierre wished he could pretend not to know the man.

"Hey," Kai Wen greeted with a wide grin. "Sorry I made you wait."

"It's fine," Pierre mumbled as he kept his earphones. "Let's go."

"Okay!"

Like an excited teenager, Kai Wen walked with a bounce in his step, all the while looking at Pierre instead of ahead of him. It was a wonder how he managed to walk without crashing into a wall, Pierre mused as he did his best to disregard the persistent stare. They exited the station, walked past the touristy areas of Chinatown, turned into an old shopping centre and went down the spiral staircase. There stood the old LAN shop that had survived for fourteen years, the one they used to go to when they were young.

In the end it was Pierre who suggested the venue. There were newer LAN shops everywhere, but this one was cheaper and more familiar. Because the building was old, fewer youngsters came here and the chances of Pierre running into his students were slim. There were many practical reasons why he chose this place, and it was not because he wanted to relive history with Kai Wen.

"We used to sit here, remember?" Kai Wen commented and plopped himself down on the worn out leather chair.

Not against the idea, Pierre followed suit and took the corner where he sat in the past. They switched on the computers – those were the only new things in the shop – and clicked on the icon that said 'League of Legends'. Times had changed, DOTA was out of trend and though some loyal gamers played DOTA2, both Kai Wen and Pierre had switched to LOL.

While waiting for the game to load, Pierre initiated conversation.

"How was your trip?"

"Good! Uncle Tom's doing well and I managed to catch up with some of my friends from university. But of course, it's better to be back here."

They talked a little more about Kai Wen's trip to America, but truly, Pierre was only half listening. His mind travelled to the day before when a new text message appeared on his phone as he was having lunch.

' _I'm back. I miss you. Can we meet tomorrow?'_

His thumb had subconsciously ghosted over the sentence in the middle as he read the message. Then, thinking to cool his head, he put his phone aside and ignored it for a few hours. When he at last decided to reply, his response was a yes, because he figured he would say yes if it were any other colleague asking him out.

He didn't want this to be romantic, so he steered clear of movies and dinner. As he guided his champion to the top lane while Kai Wen managed the bottom, and they discussed about strategies, runes and items, Pierre believed he had made the right choice by coming here.

"Yes," both of them cheered as the word 'victory' splashed on the screens.

"That was a close one," Pierre said while taking off his headphones. "Almost lost the middle lane."

"You pushed really well. Oh and, nice assist back there. Gave me time to regroup."

"That was your only slip. Your killing sprees later were imba*. Totally owned that Morgana."

Much more relaxed, Pierre allowed a content smile to surface. Kai Wen was an elusive and cunning player and it was nice to have him as an ally. As long as they steered clear of the unsafe topics, it was pleasant to be in Kai Wen's company.

Both rusty from lack of playing, the two adults rested a bit before starting the next game. Their opponents were tougher this time and Kai Wen and Pierre had numerous miscommunication. Vulgarities flew, most of the time followed by an exasperated 'what you doing?!' In an attempt to salvage the situation, they gave up on strategies and just charged to their deaths blindly. When at last 'defeat' was shown on the screens, they threw up their hands and groaned.

"Aiya I knew it. Confirm GG when we lost the bottom lane," Kai Wen said and Pierre elaborated.

"Your fault loh. You saw the mob coming and still went into the forest."

"Hey, you were the one who kept dying. Don't say so much."

"Wah I kept dying because I tried to help you okay?"

Their argument came to an abrupt end when their eyes met. Mirth erased their resentment, and the two chuckled at each other for taking the game so seriously and arguing like children.

Pierre hadn't had so much fun in a long while.

"Another game?" he asked, already selecting his new champion, but the other was not agreeable.

"Wait, wait. I need to rest more," Kai Wen said while rubbing his eyes. "My eyes cannot take it."

"Hah! Okay, you go stare at something green."

The ancient advice made Kai Wen laugh and when he stopped laughing, he followed half that advice and stared at Pierre instead.

"What? I'm not green leh."

"You're better for my eyes."

"Siao," Pierre scolded, but a smile leaked because he was in an extremely good mood.

"Really!" Kai Wen insisted and pried his eyelids wide open with his fingers. "You are potion for my eyes."

That sparked a series of chuckles that Pierre found difficult to stop. He struggled to argue. "Wah lao what kind of lousy pick up line is this?"

"Actually you're not potion," Kai Wen corrected himself as he inched closer. "You're hi-potion, 'cause you're damn high now."

Tickled by the lame jokes, Pierre had to admit that the other was right and he was in some kind of weird high. Everything seemed funny to him and he felt especially tolerant of Kai Wen's advances. They were in public anyway, it was not like anything could happen.

Just as that thought came to pass, his lips were stolen in a quick kiss.

No longer laughing, Pierre stared wide-eyed, suddenly plummeting from the high and regaining consciousness of their surroundings. The lights were dim, they were hidden from view in a corner of an old shop, there were other gamers sitting just a row away, and Kai Wen just kissed him.

Without even thinking, he swung the cordless mouse he held in his hand and smashed it against his assailant's head.

"Ow!" Kai Wen groaned and backed away, rubbing his head.

"Sorry," Pierre apologised by reflex, but he quickly paused and flipped. "Wait, what did you think you were doing?!"

"I…I was - "

"Bloody hell, we are in a LAN shop!" he continued raging in whispers. "What are you, still a hormonal teenager?!"

"I'm not - "

"Then control yourself lah wah lao!"

"Han na!" Kai Wen snapped, his face red from both frustration and embarrassment. "Sorry lah! I…I got carried away."

What a convenient excuse. Pierre spared one last sharp glare before turning back to the computer. They entered the next game together, selected their champions and waited for the loading screen to go away. The wait was excruciating, Pierre wanted to get in there and start hacking away at everything to vent his irritation. He thought Kai Wen would have learnt from his lesson at the hospital and know to keep his distance, but it turned out he was still the same old kissing monster. He had let down his guard for just that moment, just that one tiny moment, and Kai Wen took advantage of it.

Pissed off beyond belief, he rained destruction upon his foes. His rashness made him die a few more times than usual, but he also managed to kill more enemies. After yet another overkill, he found himself already charging for the enemies' base, the soonest ever in his long history of gaming. But the victory that showed on the screen brought little joy. He just felt exhausted.

"Wow," Kai Wen said carefully. "You really spared them no mercy."

Pierre did not reply. His anger had depleted like the mana pool when he cast all his spells, and it was only then that he realised anger was not the only emotion brought out by the kiss. There was also worry and melancholy, for he no longer knew how he was supposed to face Kai Wen. He thought he would be able to forget the kiss that happened almost two months ago, forgive the man and resume being colleagues, or even friends. They were having such a great moment earlier, simply having fun without any complications, and Kai Wen just had to destroy it with the flippant kiss.

"Hey, you're still angry?"

Pierre remained silent and staring blankly at the keyboard.

"I'm sorry," Kai Wen said again, starting to panic. "I promise not to kiss you again without permission."

"I don't believe you," Pierre hissed. His dry eyes stung from staring at the screen too intently and he was convinced he should just give up and go home. It was silly of him to agree to this outing. Ignoring Kai Wen's apologies, he stood up and prepared to leave.

"Hi, 'cher."

The familiar voice stole his attention and when he stared ahead at the row opposite theirs, he saw someone he did not expect to see. What were the odds? To think Pierre chose this location because he thought he wouldn't bump into students here.

James took off his headphones and raised a palm in greeting. He glanced left, right and downwards, all except in Pierre's direction. It was not clear how long he had been sitting there, or whether he witnessed the kiss earlier.

"Hi James, what a coincidence," Pierre said, but found it hard to force a smile. He really didn't feel like talking to anyone right now, and even if James did see what happened, he couldn't care anymore. "I'm leaving. You enjoy."

"Hold on," Kai Wen whispered, and when the other refused to react, he pulled his arm.

"What?" Pierre scowled, but his expression softened when he spotted the look of worry that Kai Wen wore.

"Isn't it strange for James to be here alone?"

"What's strange? We came here too when –"

"You know his mom. She's the protective sort, didn't even want to let her son go to school on his own at first, because of his condition."

The hand on his arm released its hold as Pierre gave Kai Wen a pensive look. For all he knew, this might be a strategy to make him stay, but – damn it all to hell – it worked so well. Kai Wen made sense, and as a teacher, Pierre could not bring himself to overlook the matter, even if he already had tons of inner turmoil to deal with.

Calling a temporary truce, Pierre approached James with Kai Wen, and they sat down one on each side of the boy.

"Hi James," Kai Wen greeted. "How did you find this place?"

Too focused on his game, James only shrugged in reply.

"Are you waiting for your friends?" Pierre tried next and was more successful.

"'Cher, you are lucky," James said while clicking on his mouse rapidly. "You have Mr Chen. I don't have friends."

The poor timing of that comment made the atmosphere between the two adults even more awkward. Pierre coughed and asked another question.

"Why did you come here, then? Why not just play at home?"

"My dad locked up the computer."

There was a pause.

"Wait, does he know you're here?" Pierre asked, and when James shook his head, both teachers wanted to cover their faces with their palms. After a brief silence, Pierre's phone went off in his pocket. It was a message from Kai Wen.

'I might have his mom's number. I'll check, you keep him busy.'

Pierre nodded and the other teacher discretely excused himself. But really, Pierre didn't have to do anything at all to keep the boy busy. He was fully focused on the game and as long as he got to play, it was unlikely for him to leave his seat anytime soon. As he waited, his eyes wandered over to Kai Wen who was speaking on the phone, most probably with James' mother. The man had reverted to his professional mode, and there was no trace of the playfulness, or the remorse, that Pierre witnessed earlier.

"Don't angry leh."

The statement came out of nowhere and made Pierre blink. He then realised that James had finished his game and was speaking to him.

"Why would I be angry?"

"Mr Chen loh," James said without looking at his teacher. "You angry, he sad."

How could he tell? Feeling caught, Pierre briefly recalled that something similar had happened before, when James displayed his mysterious telepathy skills. Wordless, he watched as James started another game. He thought their conversation would end there, so he was surprised when James pressed the matter.

"So what's your problem ah? Why you angry?"

"There are many reasons. You don't need to know them."

"Orh. Must be stupid reasons."

Pierre had to suck in a breath to keep himself from feeling offended. He wondered if he should tell James off as calmly as he could, but he chose to ask a question instead.

"…Why do you think they are stupid?"

"'Cause only stupid reasons make people do stupid things."

The cryptic and philosophical comment hung in the air for a while as James momentarily shifted his attention to his game. After he finished off his enemy – with extraordinary skills, Pierre observed – he continued.

"Actually I also stupid. I run away from home, obvious right? Mr Chen is calling my mom now. I know."

"How did you -?" Pierre asked but cut himself when he realised the pointlessness of the question. He changed it. "Why did you run away?"

"I run 'cause I fed up. My dad never listen. He always say gaming is bad and I must study so that I can earn lots of money in the future. But 'cher he don't understand. I improved in maths because of puzzle games. I read more when I play RPGs*. I can make friends in MMOs*. So I said, games teach me more than school, and he locked my computer up."

James scrunched up his face and scratched his hair; a rare display of frustration.

"Say also no use. When I ran out, he said, even better if I don't come back."

As Pierre watched the teenager unleash spells while stealthily avoiding attacks, he marvelled not just at his gaming skills but also the deep thoughts and emotions that were kept hidden because of his poor choice of words. How many had bothered to really listen to James?

Before he could dwell on that thought, Kai Wen returned, explaining that James' mother could only pick up him at night, after his father had gone to bed. No choice but to play the role of the babysitter, the teachers remained with James for another hour before bringing him out to have dinner. They kept their conversations focused on the boy, and learnt, from the bits and pieces he was willing to share, just how good at gaming he was. He was even trading in-game items for real money and writing game guides to sell online; all impressive things that his parents knew nothing about.

Hours passed surprisingly quickly, and when the moon climbed high and the people in the hawker centre dwindled, they could see the figure of a woman brisk walking towards them. She insisted to pay the teachers for the food her son ate, and she apologised to them for the trouble caused. As Pierre watched them and observed the boy who had fallen silent, he wondered if he should tell her all the amazing things her son was doing. But James' words haunted him…

' _Say also no use.'_

…and in the end, he chose to be silent.

James, however, had more to say. He wrestled from his mother's hold, jogged towards Pierre and spoke at a volume too low for Kai Wen to catch.

"Mr Chen is sad because he thinks he's wrong. Not like my dad, he always thinks he's correct. I am always wrong, so I know how sucky it feels." He paused and leaned forward to whisper. "So 'cher, don't angry already, because what if you also wrong?"

Leaving that cryptic question behind, the boy jogged off and obediently went home with his mother.

Pierre, on the other hand, remained too stunned to move.

The drive home was filled only with the music from Class 95 FM. Pierre had offered Kai Wen a ride, which was why he sat in the passenger's seat, but that man had stubbornly refused to reveal his address, claiming that he could go back on his own from Pierre's house. After that, there was only silence, all the way until Pierre parked his car in the multi-storey carpark.

Exactly as he foresaw, Kai Wen spoke up when they reached the lift lobby.

"Pierre can we talk, please?"

Sighing, Pierre reached out to press for the elevator. He was exhausted enough from the day that started great, turned sour and ended up stale from being dragged out for too long.

"What do you want?" he asked. "Make it quick."

The old elevator started and made its way down from the topmost floor. Left without time to think, Kai Wen clenched his fists and blurted.

"I want to date you. If you still have even a tiny bit of feelings for me, then I want us to get back together. I'm willing to do anything for a second chance. I – "

Impatient, Pierre cut him off.

"I already told you I don't feel anything towards you."

During the drive, Pierre thought deeply about what James said, that he too might be in the wrong, and he came to the conclusion that the boy spoke correctly. It was his mistake to agree to go out with Kai Wen, a mistake to choose that LAN shop and a mistake to reply to his messages and give him hope. Better to end things swiftly.

"Let's only meet in school from now on." Without looking up to see Kai Wen's reaction, Pierre turned to the elevator which had just arrived. "Bye."

The door opened and Pierre stepped one foot in, but all of a sudden there were arms around his waist, and then he was stumbling backwards.

"What the fuck?!" he raised his voice and struggled once his back hit Kai Wen's chest.

"Wait…Wait! Let me speak leh, Pierre!"

What a cliché scene, Pierre thought as he continued cursing, swearing and dealing several painful blows with his elbows. Now Kai Wen was probably going to beg again thinking that he had a greater chance somehow just because they had physical contact. Like hell Pierre was going to blush like a maiden and give in.

"Let go lah asshole!"

A particularly strong flail landed a solid hit on Kai Wen's jaw. It made the man snap, though he still refused to let go.

"Wah lao eh why you so ngiao* one?!"

"I ngiao?! I gave you time liao hor!"

"But I haven't say finish!"

"That one is your own daiji* don't come and blame me!"

Punctuating the last few syllables with kicks, Pierre finally managed to free himself. He retreated, panting, until he was backed against the closed door of the elevator, and he realised that the elevator had given up waiting and gone away.

"I got extra time right?" Kai Wen asked, his eyes lit up though his entire body must still ache from the many bruises. "You don't…you don't interrupt this time, can?"

"Shit you lah! What – "

"I know that I made you very angry when I left fourteen years ago, and that you are still upset even though you act like you no longer care," Kai Wen spoke, with the speed of a debater. "I understand that many things have already come to pass. Fourteen years is a long time, this fact really hammered into me when I saw Clara, and I –"

Pierre opened his mouth to argue but before he could even begin, he was shushed by Kai Wen, who then continued as if there wasn't any interruption.

"- I know you must have dated others in that long time. Your social circle is wide and I'm sure all the gays in there wouldn't leave you alone, like Edward –"

"Edward is not -!"

"Maybe you've even found someone whom you like much more than me in the past, and you think that what we had was only a typical secondary school romance that couldn't even last a month. But you're wrong! You've impacted my life in ways you cannot even imagine!"

The same went for Pierre, but he was not about to admit that because that was not the point. The point, the most important thing at the moment, was that Kai Wen was becoming louder and louder and all his neighbours could hear.

"Oi, softer –"

"I thought about you all the time when I was in America! I tried to date others but it never worked out because none of them could compare to you!" Kai Wen paused very briefly to catch his breath before moving on to address the counter-arguments. "Now I know you think it is impossible between us because you no longer know me well and vice versa, but I think that knowing a person does not equate to having feelings for him. I wouldn't fall in love with just anyone I know well. However I do recognise that having a certain degree of knowledge about the other makes it easier nurture positive feelings and that is why I am proposing that we communicate more with each other by going out together!"

By then, Pierre was hopping, waving and trying to get Kai Wen to tone down. Heads had popped from the corridors, all eager to watch the commotion, and Pierre worked hard to hide from their lines of sight.

"Kai Wen -!"

"I know we can't go back to the past, but we have many years ahead of us. We are both adults now and we can travel anywhere together, so separation is no longer an issue. I swear I will not be clingy in the event that you eventually choose to reject me, so please give me a chance and let me date you! I…I really like you!"

Scattered applause sounded from around them; some of the uninvited audience cheered for Kai Wen's bravery and some even urged Pierre to 'just accept him'. They, of course, thought that Kai Wen was confessing to a girl because they could not see Pierre from their viewing angle. Sensing their curiosity, Pierre panicked and thanked the heavens that the elevator had reached the ground level.

"Hurry and come in…!" he whispered as he pulled Kai Wen inside and out of everyone's view. Steam was already rising from his ears and he felt like he could just die from the shame. Hearing the confession proclaimed so strongly had burnt away most of his reasons, and he did not even realise what he was doing until the elevator's doors went shut with a satisfied 'ding'.

He looked up at Kai Wen.

Kai Wen looked hungry.

"Does this mean…?"

"Um, N-no!" Pierre stuttered. "Th-That's not…mm!"

Caught in an embrace and a kiss that he had unwittingly invited, Pierre thought he had no choice but to give in. As they lips clashed together in the messy yet chaste kiss, he tried to convince himself that it was all right because it was not like he had never kissed any other. Yet after they parted and Pierre used the precious few seconds left to explain that it was a misunderstanding, his heart was beating faster than ever.

"I don't care, I'm taking that as a yes," Kai Wen said wilfully as he touched Pierre's face. "If…If you really don't feel anything for me, you wouldn't be blushing."

"Wah lao get lost lah!" Pierre exclaimed, only to realise that technically,  _he_  was the one getting out. Slapping Kai Wen's hand away, he ran from the elevator and scrambled to find his keys to his sanctuary. He heard chuckles behind him.

"Need my help or not?"

"Shut up lah!"

His shaky fingers found the key and he rushed inside without even saying goodbye. He locked the door and bolted it before he felt safe enough to stop and breathe. A short moment later, his phone buzzed.

'Good night, Pierre. I really enjoyed your company today. LOL was fun. Can we meet again tomorrow?'

He stared at the illuminated screen, but instead of the text, he fixated on all the things that Kai Wen said earlier. Unable to digest them, he could only go over the same scene again and again like a broken DVD player. Not only did he forget to switch on the lights in his home, he momentarily forgot the old haunting images of the smashed phone, the empty chair and the torn paper.

His thumb moved on its own to type and send his reply.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note:
> 
> *imba - short for 'imbalance'. Used in gaming context to describe those who are so strong it's unfair.
> 
> *rpg - role-playing game
> 
> *mmo - massively multiplayer online game
> 
> *ngiao - stingy
> 
> *daiji - business


	16. Chapter 16

_The semi-finals passed in a blur. Pierre lay on his bed and recalled how he stood on the stage a few hours ago as the judges announced that they had defeated the prestigious Cat High. That moment of victory was surreal; none of them thought they would ever come this far. 'Was it luck?' he wondered as he turned to his group members, all similarly stunned, and he realised that no, it was because of the tremendous amount of effort they had put in. It was the synergy they had that allowed them to cover one another's loopholes in argument._

_The first to burst into a huge cry of joy was Kai Wen, who sat among the audience. Though he did not debate, he had contributed many good ideas during their one hour of preparation. Then he and Mrs Poon rushed on stage to congratulate them. He remembered Kai Wen ruffling his hair. He remembered sneakily holding hands behind their backs as they took the group photo._

_Pierre sighed happily as he rolled to his side, not quite able to fall asleep. The team hung out to celebrate, then he and Kai Wen hung out even longer to have some time alone together. Even after they went back home, they continued to exchange text messages. Cheesy, funny messages that kept Pierre so warm he didn't need the blanket at all._

_Those messages stopped coming in two hours ago, and Pierre guessed that Kai Wen had fallen asleep. He was thus surprised when his phone vibrated. Sitting up, he reached to his bedside table to grab his spectacles and hand phone._

' _Sorry. I'm at your door.'_

_He blinked. Then he rubbed his eyes, wondering if he had actually already fallen asleep and was dreaming. At last he read the message again and sprang from his bed, suddenly filled with unexplainable worry._

" _It's so late," he whispered as he opened the door, afraid to wake his sleeping parents. "Why are you-?"_

_The sight of Kai Wen stole all breath from his lungs._

_A freshly inflicted bruise covered the side of his cheekbone. His lips were cut and the corners were stained with blood. He wore not his usual smile, but an empty look of utter devastation._

_Pierre didn't know how to react. He had plenty to say, but he didn't know where to begin, so he remained silent and merely opened his arms to let the other in._

* * *

The week passed in a blur. Kai Wen had asked him out every day, sometimes just to have coffee and sometimes to play at the LAN shop or arcade, but always with the intention of having genuine long conversations. Pierre had gone along with the suggestions, thinking that there was little harm as long as their relationship remained platonic. It was just dating, he told himself. He had dated others anyway, he refused to think that Kai Wen was any special.

Though, to be completely honest, he wavered each time Kai Wen asked if they could kiss before they parted. Pierre's response was always a flat 'no', and it was always obeyed, because, in Kai Wen's words, he was going to keep his promise this time. The earnest search for redemption made Pierre feel conflicted, and he had allowed Kai Wen to linger close, enough to sense the heat that radiated from each other, but without touching. When they finally stepped apart and Kai Wen bade him goodnight, Pierre found himself left wanting instead of feeling relieved.

He shook his head, forcing himself to come back to the present, in which he sat in the staff room staring at his computer and trying to remember the password that he had not typed for two whole months. Coming back to work after such a long break made Pierre feel rusty. He let out a big yawn as he left his seat for the toilet, thinking to freshen up before seeking help from the IT staff.

He hunched over the sink, switched on the tap and splashed cool water on his face. His thoughts drifted to work as he wiped his face with a paper towel, and he planned to meet his debate students in the afternoon to do some last minute preparation for the quarter-finals that was happening in just two more days. A smile came to his face as he remembered Syariff's sarcastic comment when they bumped into each other at the school gate.

' _Holidays over, straightaway debate. Bagus*.'_

And he was too slow to wipe that smile away before it was spotted.

"Smiling to yourself so early in the morning?"

Why, of course it was Kai Wen; the man who invaded his life and was now even invading his toilet time. Pierre did not bother looking up, choosing instead to take his time drying his face and wiping his spectacles while he replied.

"Had to fight the Monday…I mean, Wednesday blues."

"I know right. First day of school always sucks."

One thing that made Pierre glad to have gone out with Kai Wen, was that their conversations were now smoother and more relaxed. Just one week and they were almost becoming like how they used to be in the past, speaking their minds without holding back. He liked how natural it felt, and he hoped it would sustain.

Putting on his spectacles, Pierre turned from the mirror to look at Kai Wen with clear vision.

It must be Murphy's law, he thought as he tried in vain to stop staring. He was an idiot to even hope that things could be natural between them.

"What's wrong?" Kai Wen asked upon sensing his stare. He was combing his hair and putting on his black peak cap.

"Nothing," Pierre replied, but he remained staring as Kai Wen dressed his hands in white gloves. "Is there some sort of ceremony today?"

"Yup. St John's Day. It's technically five days ago but we observe it on the first Wednesday of the second semester."

"Oh. The one where the cadets take their oath?"

"That's right."

Kai Wen mumbled a curse when he realised he forgot to put on a badge. One hand busy searching his pouch, he used his mouth to hold the fabric at the fingertips and pulled the glove off the other hand. He leant closer to the mirror to put on his badge accurately, and the silver buttons of his long sleeved white uniform clinked upon hitting the sink. It was then that he paused in his actions and let his eyes wander to Pierre's reflection.

"If you keep staring, I'll attack."

"Huh?"

Too engrossed, Pierre did not catch what Kai Wen just said. He vaguely knew that his eyes were misbehaving and his mouth was parted, but he was too spaced out to regain his composure. He heard Kai Wen laugh and thought it sounded cute, though he knew not why he was laughing.

"Ey, Pierre. You okay or not?"

Okay? Perhaps. He nodded dumbly, managing to close his mouth and swallow his saliva. But still he kept watching and his mind floated aimlessly. Kai Wen looked too handsome in his formal uniform. The black epaulettes rested perfectly on his broad shoulders, and the peak cap, not the retarded-looking beret, drew attention to his tall nose and defined jaw. A stray strand of hair framed his eyes, eyes that were now studying his reflection intently, Pierre noticed when their gaze met in the mirror.

Kai Wen took a step towards him.

"…Can't take your eyes off me?"

A wave of heat rushed to Pierre's head and spread throughout his entire body as the realisation that he was caught ogling finally sank in. He clasped a hand over his mouth and backed away.

"No. I wasn't. I was just…daydreaming."

That came out sounding more wrong than he intended. Mind spinning, he searched for another reason, an excuse that could let him off the hook, but he found nothing coherent. It was the morning's fault that his brain had not fully awoken. It was St John's fault for choosing to observe the ceremony on this day. It was Kai Wen's fault for looking so damn sexy in his uniform. It was…

Pierre ran out of excuses when his back hit solid wall.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Kai Wen whispered as he rested a gloved hand beside Pierre's head.

When no resistance came, Kai Wen pressed himself close, trapping Pierre against the wall. Their chests collided, and that contact caused an intense spark of electricity that jolted Pierre's mind to clarity but sapped most of his strength. He attempted to push Kai Wen away, but his hands ended up resting weakly on the shoulders and fingering the embroidered rank badge on it.

"W-Wait. K-Kai Wen…!"

Something was wrong. Pierre knew he was not being his usual self; he would have punched Kai Wen if it was any other day. But then a warm breath brushed his ear and he was no longer so sure. The past few days of subtle flirting, of secretly unfulfilled longings, had consolidated to this explosion of pent up desires. Pierre shuddered violently when Kai Wen's lips touched his neck and he felt his knees grow weak.

"Stop…!"

He gasped and twisted as he tried to escape, but that only made his body rub against Kai Wen's more. An arm slipped into the narrow space between the wall and his back, and it held his waist in place. The other hand caressed his cheek, and the smooth sensation of fabric against skin almost made him moan.

"Can I kiss you?"

Right as the heated question reverberated in his mind, his earlobe was taken in between lips and sucked upon. An uncontrolled cry escaped Pierre and he could not help leaning against Kai Wen, blindly craving for more of the delicious pleasure. His mouth was, however, not as honest.

"N-No…"

"But you looked like you really wanted me to kiss you."

Did he? Another assault on his neck made him unable to think, and he could only press his face into Kai Wen's shoulder and breathe heavily. As he did so, he peeked at the door beside them in worry. There weren't many male teachers in the school, but what if someone walked in and saw them? He tried to warn Kai Wen, but did not make it past whispering his name over and over.

"Let me kiss you," the man begged again, growing impatient as his arm wound even tighter around him.

"No, you can't -!"

They froze abruptly when footsteps closed in, then Pierre held on to Kai Wen tightly.

"How...?" he asked, afraid and breathless.

Without speaking a word, Kai Wen pulled his arm and waist harshly, led him into a nearby cubicle and locked the door. A second later, two of their colleagues entered, talking about preparing for the first lesson, unaware of what just transpired in the toilet.

Inside the cubicle, the two men looked at each other, trying hard not to pant loudly.

"Can I?" Kai Wen dared to whisper.

Shaken by the close call, Pierre was tongue-tied. He collapsed into Kai Wen's embrace, trying to find some measure of calm, but the longing only increased to the point that it became unbearable.

He nodded.

A strong tug on his shoulders forced him upright and before he could register it, lips sealed his own. He trembled at the touch, more so because he had  _allowed_  the kiss, and it was only the sound of water running in the sink outside the cubicle that reminded Pierre that he had to hold back his moan.

"Eh? Whose cap is this? Dropped on the floor."

A mischievous hand caressed his sides, travelling upwards and pushing his shirt along. He wanted to protest, but the hot tip of Kai Wen's tongue probed his lips and killed that thought.

"Looks like St John's cap. Maybe it's Mr Chen's."

Pierre's fingers weaved into Kai Wen's hair as their kiss deepened. His legs had become useless and he could hardly remain standing. His eyes darted to the toilet bowl in the midst of their kiss, and as if reading his thought, Kai Wen guided him towards it.

Then they were interrupted by a knock on the cubicle's door.

"Mr Chen are you inside?"

Clasping both hands over his mouth, Pierre sat on the toilet bowl and leant as far back as possible. Equally dazed and frustrated, Kai Wen took a deep breath before replying.

"Yeah."

"Is this your cap?"

"Yeah," he replied distractedly, still visually devouring the other man.

"We're leaving it beside the sink. Okay?"

"Okay."

Bewildered by the snappy replies, his colleagues left the toilet with question marks floating above their heads. A few more moments of silence passed, and all this while Kai Wen kept his eyes locked on Pierre's. At last, he took another deep breath and tore his gaze away.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have…not in school."

Pierre looked down, unable to reply.

"I…I have to go. Morning assembly."

Kai Wen unlocked the door and cautiously stepped outside. He put on up his cap, adjusted his uniform and inhaled deeply a few more times before leaving the toilet. Pierre on the other hand remained stunned, and instead of leaving, he ultimately reached forward to lock the cubicle.

There was no way he could go out in his current state. Kai Wen's touches still burnt his skin and he could still the man's heartbeat against his own. Desire pulsed in his body as he recalled how their tongues entwined while Kai Wen was feeling up his sides, and he could not think of anything other than the raw need to find release.

Completely taken by passion, he did the unspeakable in the cubicle. As he touched himself, the faint tunes of the national anthem could be heard and he thought about how Kai Wen was standing out there in his uniform, ready to renew his oath with his cadets. The female teachers, and students, must find him hot too. And he was sure that even Wendy, though she claimed to have gotten over him, must be feasting her eyes upon him right now.

The pure jealousy drove him to the brink and his overheated mind possessively claimed that Kai Wen was  _his_  and nobody else should touch him the way they touched each other just now.

Then it was over, and Pierre looked down at his stained hands, shocked by the forcefulness of his own thoughts.

He must be crazy, doing something so immoral in school and getting jealous of his student. Kai Wen wasn't even his to begin with. Not anymore, since fourteen years ago. What just happened between them was a burst of lust; they had accidentally seduced each other, was all.

That thought crushed him more than he thought it would, and he remembered again why he didn't want to give their relationship a second chance. If only, he dwelled as he hunched over, if only Kai Wen did not leave. If only he managed to make Kai Wen stay, they would have completed their O levels and graduated together. They could have had each other, in ways much more intimate, both emotionally and physically.

But it was not meant to be. Their break up had broken him, and now Pierre was nothing but a cynical homosexual who believed that he would never have a steady partner for the rest of his life.

Deciding he could not teach this day, he cleaned up, returned to the staffroom to pack up and asked his principal to be excused. He sensed the disapproval behind the fake caring smile and thought about how his students would miss lessons, but he was human and there was only so much guilt he could take before he stopped feeling guilty altogether.

He needed the rest of the day to cool down. After which, he would tell Kai Wen that it was impossible between them after all.

* * *

_Ever since that night when the abuse was especially bad, Kai Wen entered a slump. He still talked, but he no longer kissed or hugged Pierre. At that time, the basketball tournaments got more frequent as they had qualified for the nationals, so Pierre hardly found time to speak to the other. Then there was also the debate to prepare for. By coincidence or choice, they met up less after school, and their eyes scarcely met as they focused on the lessons._

_Pierre wanted to ask what happened, but timing was seldom right and Kai Wen was reluctant to talk about it. He said something about his father coming out of prison, but that was all. When Pierre paused to think about it, he realised that he did not even know why Kai Wen was always beaten up by his mother. He was always so cheerful and loving, it was difficult to see him as a victim of domestic abuse._

_And then two days before the debate finals, Kai Wen dropped the bomb on him._

" _Let's break up."_

_They were standing by the tree in the school garden, where they always met before going to Pierre's house. A gust of wind sent leaves falling though they were still green, and Pierre only blinked._

" _Let's break up," Kai Wen reiterated, looking straight at him and pressurising him to acknowledge it. "I'm going to America."_

"… _Why so sudden?" Pierre managed to croak after a long silence, and he had shifted his gaze to the fallen leaves on the ground._

" _My uncle, ma's brother, is taking me there. He's going to adopt me and provide for me until I can earn a living on my own."_

_Pierre shook his head, hearing the words but not listening to any of them. "Why so sudden?" he pressed. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"_

" _It was decided last night – "_

" _That's not what I meant!"_

_The exclamation turned heads. One teacher who passed by shook his head, thinking it was just another quarrel between students and brushing off the incident. Pierre looked up at Kai Wen, and there was only rage in his eyes – anger for being kept in the dark until after the decision was made._

" _Why didn't you…discuss with me?" he asked, voice barely above a whisper. "Are we not together?"_

_Kai Wen sucked in a breath and gritted his teeth, then with a large sweeping gesture, he replied, "That's why I'm breaking up with you! Because say also no use! What can you do even if I discuss with you? Can you tell ma to stop hitting me? Can you keep pa in the prison? Cannot!"_

_While Pierre stood still, taken aback by that outburst, Kai Wen continued._

" _Now uncle Tom is taking me away. He's giving me a better life. Better education. Why should I stay here?"_

_The last few words were laden with despair, and Pierre could sense the overwhelming sadness hidden beneath the angry tone. He could sense that Kai Wen did not mean all that he just said, but it did not make the words hurt any less._

_Pierre thought about all the happy times, from when they started debating to how they shouldered through each other's troubles together and fell in love. It was a life-changing experience to learn that he was gay, he was sure it was the same for Kai Wen too. And despite all the uncertainty of the future and all the fear and anguish surrounding their troubled backgrounds, they held on because they had each other. Kai Wen had helped him, saved him countless times with his smiles, and Pierre was not about to let go so easily._

" _You have me here," he said bravely. "I may not be able to do much for you right now, but when we grow up… when we grow up I will take you away from all the pain."_

" _When we grow up," Kai Wen spat with a self-depreciating laugh. "How many years? How many years must I endure my ma?"_

" _You don't need to endure what!" Pierre yelled. "You are so big now! Can't you defend yourself?!"_

_Was he being insensitive? He didn't think so, he just said what he believed, but what he got in return was the most agonised look he had ever seen from Kai Wen._

" _You don't understand lah!"_

_The cry bounced off the walls of the buildings around them before dying down. So did the wind which had stopped blowing, and there was no one else around them as well. There was only silence, until Pierre, with another surge of courage, spoke._

" _Even if… Even if you really have to go, we don't have to break up," he said, and as though the idea only became real upon his own vocalisation, tears sprang to his eyes. "We can still message and call each other. We can still play DOTA online together."_

" _And then what?" Kai Wen replied derisively. "Wait for me to come back and get married like in those TV drama?"_

" _I know we cannot get –"_

" _Fucking hell! I…I don't know when I'm coming back, okay?! Maybe ten years, maybe twenty, maybe never!" As if the anguish was too much to bear, Kai Wen bent over and clutched his chest as he forced those words from his mouth. "What you want to do?! Wait until you grow old?! What you want me to do?!"_

" _I want you to stay, god damn it!" Unable to hold back anymore, the last of Pierre's courageous façade crumbled and his eyes welled up with tears. His shoulders bounced as he took in heavy gasps, and he pressed his point when he recognised the concern that returned to Kai Wen's face. "You said you'll listen to me. You swore you only listen to me!"_

" _Pierre…"_

_Sensing the falter in Kai Wen's attitude, Pierre took the chance and retrieved a certain treasure that he had kept in his school bag every day. It was his ultimate weapon, his desperate final plea. It was their precious promise. He waved the IOU in front of Kai Wen._

" _I'm using this now. I want you to stay."_

_Recognition lit in Kai Wen's eyes and his face scrunched up in the overwhelming despair. There was outrage as well as he strode towards Pierre and snatched away the fragile sheet of foolscap paper. Then, with a terrible howl, he tore it._

" _I said… I said I break up with you!" he shouted, cried, and ripped the pieces another time. "This doesn't count anymore!" By then Kai Wen was crying uncontrollably, as if what he was shredding was not paper, but his own heart. "I cannot be with you anymore!"_

_Pierre watched the scene, suddenly feeling oddly detached. Like his tears had transferred over, his eyes became dry and he did not cry. He just watched, feeling the cold betrayal seep into his bones and numbing him, until the other was satisfied and threw the bits of paper on the ground._

_Kai Wen wept, but Pierre had ceased to feel pity. He only nodded in acceptance and advised._

" _At least finish all your business here first. At least come for the debate finals."_

" _I cannot. I'm flying off that day."_

" _I'll see you at the finals."_

" _I cannot… I cannot…!"_

_Ignoring the pathetic sobs, Pierre turned and left. There was no point speaking to Kai Wen now when they were both overcome by emotions. They would take these two days to calm down, he would focus on the debate, and then he would treat Kai Wen to his favourite Zinger burger and they would speak properly again._

_He did not think that would be the last time he saw Kai Wen._

_Kai Wen did not go to school the next day, and Pierre had held himself back from going to his place. He waited till the finals, he thought it was his duty to concentrate on that first so that he would not drag the team down. But when it was his turn, he saw the empty chair in the audience, the place from which Kai Wen always cheered for him, and he forgot how to speak. Needless to say, they lost, and though all his teammates understood and did not blame him, he blamed himself._

_A few days later, Pierre went on stage to announce the results of the debate competition to the school. As he spoke about how they defeated other schools, the rest of the students looked bored, for they had zero interest in the literary world and was more excited about the sports news. They did not know how Pierre and Kai Wen fell in love because of the debate competition. They did not know how hard they struggled in the short few months._

" _We would like to thank our teacher, Mrs Poon, for her guidance." Pierre read from the script he prepared. "And we would also like to thank the fourth member of the team, who could not be with us today. Even though he was only a reserve, he fought alongside us, replaced a team mate when she was down, and carried us through the quarter finals. He is…"_

_The name, 'Chen Kai Wen', was written by his own hand on the script he held. He knew the name well, too well, so even though his hand was unsteady and the words shook beyond recognition, he felt the name at the tip of his tongue. But he never said it. He couldn't, and after the long awkward pause, his team mate took over and finished the speech on his behalf._

_Later that day, he received a text message from a number he did not recognise._

' _Pierre, it's me, Kai Wen. I am in America now with uncle Tom. Tomorrow will be my first day at my new school. I am doing well, and I hope you are too.'_

_For a long time, Pierre stared at the message, forgetting to breathe. And when short ragged breaths entered his lungs, all they fuelled was rage._

_Doing well? Was Kai Wen sending him this message just to brag that he was living a better life now without Pierre by his side? Kai Wen was the one who rejected his suggestion to stay in contact, and yet he was sending this…this hypocritical message._

_Why should he reply?_

_He switched the phone off and left it deep in his wardrobe, and though that phone was new and stylish, he chose instead to use one of his mother's old phone and without telling her, bought a pre-paid card with a new number. It was all right, he thought. His mother seldom called him anyway, and he could simply tell his friends he lost his phone._

_His deception was found out two months later, and his mother scolded him for not picking up the phone when she called. Forced to retrieve it, he reluctantly dug his wardrobe for the phone he did not want to see and passed it to his mother._

_She switched it on, and the series of vibrations wrenched it from her hold. It landed on the floor and still it buzzed continuously, like it was alive._

" _See lah! So many messages!" his mother scolded, but Pierre was no longer listening to her. He stared at the writhing creature on the floor, buzzing and seemingly crawling towards him, until at last, it lay dead._

_Pierre picked up the phone, locked himself in the room, sat on the floor and read the messages._

' _Pierre, my first day of school sucked. Remember you taught me about discrimination? Now I know what it means. The ang mohs* here don't like the Chinese.'_

' _How are you Pierre? I'm trying to cope. The Math they study here is easier, but the literature I really catch no ball. I'm studying Shakespeare now, The Tempest. If I got question, can ask you or not?'_

_More lengthy messages giving updates of his new life followed, and Pierre scrolled past them impatiently. He slowed down when he reached a shorter message._

' _Sorry Pierre. I wasn't there at the finals. How was it? Win or lose?'_

' _Are you seeing my messages? Please reply if you see this.'_

' _Did you change your number? I'm still waiting for your reply.'_

_He thought he was strong. These two months passed quickly and his life had merely reverted to how it was like before he met Kai Wen. He thought that there was no reason for him to cry over a bastard who left him. But as he continued to read Kai Wen's incessant begging, the tears just leaked._

' _I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm really sorry, but I had no choice.'_

' _Sorry. I was wrong. I had a choice. It was all my fault. Will you please forgive me?'_

' _I really don't want us to end like this. We did not even say goodbye properly.'_

' _I'm really lonely. I have no friends here. Please talk to me.'_

_Hiccups kicked in, but still his eyes kept glued to the text messages, reading the belated words and not bearing to let any of them go even as they dwindled._

' _Please stop ignoring me. I cannot take it.'_

' _I miss you. Please reply.'_

' _It's all my fault. Please forgive me.'_

' _I still love you.'_

_One hand over his mouth, he sobbed helplessly and tried not to make too much sound. He didn't want his mother to hear. He didn't want his mother to know anything. As he scrolled down, the messages grew longer again._

' _Please reply soon. I swear I'll earn lots of money and fly back to you, if you would give me one more chance. But Pierre, I cannot wait forever.'_

' _I'm sorry. I cannot hold my phone everyday praying that you'll reply. I really cannot take it. I'm going crazy. Please reply soon."_

' _Pierre, I have decided. It is hard, but if you really don't want me back, then I have to move on without you. I'll wait one more day.'_

_The last message was dated 1st of October, one whole week after the previous message, and also one week before Pierre read it. There were only two words._

' _Goodbye, Pierre.'_

_A weird sounding whimper escaped Pierre as he clutched the phone and threw his head back against the wall. The sobs increased in intensity and when he became louder, his mother knocked on his door asking what was wrong. But Pierre could not reply. He only saw Kai Wen in his mind, only felt his hugs and kisses, only heard their shared laughter. And then he remembered how Kai Wen tore the IOU, and how he left the seat empty during their important finals._

_With a cry of frustration, he threw the phone against the wall in front of him so hard he smashed the cover._

" _Fuck you. Go to hell. Fuck you…!"_

_He then covered his face with his hands, curled into a foetal position and shut out the rest of the world. The things he shared with Kai Wen were all gone now. Gone because Kai Wen was selfish and betrayed him. Gone because he was too stubborn to forgive._

_It was too late for replies – he would never see Kai Wen ever again._


	17. Chapter 17

This House would allow parents to monitor their children's usage of the internet.

Proposition

The topic was supposed to be familiar for youngsters since they were all supposedly computer savvy and up to date with the latest technologies, but still it induced a tense silence in the hall. It was graver for debaters from Zitan, as not all of them had computers at home. They were probably one of the fewer youngsters in Singapore who had limited access to popular social media such as Facebook and Twitter.

It was different for their opponents, the prestigious Anyang Girls' High, and even they found the topic challenging as they were required to not only consider the children's point of view but also that of the parents. They had to analyse the different concerns of the two parties and map out their points of argument, all within one hour.

The situation was bleak for Zitan. Syariff shook his head, Bhavita bit her lips and Wendy stared at the ground. Their luck was bad and this topic was not among the many they had tried to prepare for. The handful of supporters who came along now regretted for fear of seeing their friends suffer an ugly defeat; they sighed, shook their heads and avoided meeting the gazes of the debaters.

Only the two teachers knew better. They smiled knowingly when James sprang out of his chair and bounced to his team mates, face stern and determined.

"So easy. You all don't know ah? So stupid."

Already nervous, Wendy had zero patience left for James. She let out a loud "oi!" and strode over like she meant to punch him, but then Syariff held up an arm and stopped her.

"…You know a lot about computers right?" he asked and put aside all his previous feelings of annoyance he harboured towards the boy. "Can help us or not?"

"Stupid," James said without giving eye contact, and he was really pushing Syariff's limit of tolerance until he added, "of course lah. I also a team member what."

As the four members left the hall in a sombre march, Kai Wen turned to Pierre and commented.

"Wonder how they'll do. James knows a lot but he hates being controlled by his father doesn't he? And yet they are on the proposition this time."

It would really depend on whether James could put aside his personal feelings and focus on the facts and arguments. Pierre had a feeling that James could do it, and easily, because the boy had an uncanny ability to empathise with another. It was likely he understood his father's concerns but just was not eloquent enough to express his thoughts. In this quarter-finals, the three debaters were the mouth and James was the brain.

All these, Pierre had wanted to say.

"They'll just have to do their best."

The neutral, almost nonchalant statement was said, and then Pierre returned to silence, preferring to stare at the screen of his phone to seek distraction. He did not look at Kai Wen, though he sensed the obvious disappointment, and he continued to feign ignorance until the other gave up trying to seek his attention and leaned back against the chair.

How many times had he ignited Kai Wen's hopes only to let them wane? How many text messages had he left unanswered in these two days? He really wanted to tell Kai Wen that it was impossible between them, but he kept hesitating. The longer he dragged, the more painful it would become, but whenever he faced Kai Wen and felt those words held back just behind his lips, he ended up thinking of their kiss and letting the memory of its warmth melt away each word letter by letter.

If it was easy to let go, he would have done so fourteen years ago.

Time passed with them being in their own world. The student supporters became rather noisy at some point out of impatience, but even the usually energetic Mr Chen did not find the drive to keep them under control. He was more sullen and quiet, and Pierre thought it was because of his cold attitude. It was only when Kai Wen's phone went off that he realised that man had been gripping it ever since they stepped foot into the school.

Kai Wen left his seat at the same time the debaters were ushered back in, and despite the cheers and applause, Pierre focused his hearing and noticed the American accent.

'Exactly! She…" some parts were too soft to catch, but it was apparent from his tone and furrowed brows that something was wrong. "…but she refused! That's why…"

"And without further ado, let us invite the first speaker of the proposition to deliver their argument."

Unfamiliar with this sort of event, the student supporters burst into rowdy cheers for Syariff upon the announcement and drew dirty glares from the rest of the audience. Pierre was torn three ways, having to manage his students, being anxious for his debaters and feeling concerned about Kai Wen. It was then that James returned to the audience and gave Pierre some peace of mind.

"'Cher, don't worry. If they stupid until cannot win even after everything I tell them, then they don't deserve to go semi-finals anyway." He spoke, nodded briefly at Pierre and sat at an isolated area where the reserves waited.

At this point, Kai Wen returned to his seat, and he shone Pierre a brief smile to assure him that all was fine. Except that it wasn't reassuring at all; Pierre looked past the force smile and saw anxiety, though due to what, he didn't know. And still, Kai Wen gripped his phone.

Just as Pierre was about to ask, Syariff started speaking.

"…Not only does monitoring help to ensure that their children are browsing content appropriate for their age, it also makes them more aware of their children's usage of internet as well as their areas of interests and curiosity…"

A rather shaky argument, but not bad at all considering the time constraints and how unfamiliar they were with their topic. Pierre held his breath as he listened, spotting several loopholes in his argument and secretly feeling relieved that they were not spotted by their opponents. If only James sat beside him; he wanted to know how their preparations went.

"Point of information!" the opposition interrupted and Syariff accepted it. "The software that you mentioned also controls their usage of social media and instant messaging. Monitoring their children's usage of the internet to this extent denies them a chance to explore the digital world, keeping them in a greenhouse in the excuse of protection and rendering them helpless when they are eventually required to communicate with others through the internet."

"Siao liao. Their English why so cheem* one?" one of the student supporters commented, wiping cold sweat off his forehead. "Like that how to win?"

"Actually what's going on ah? I catch no ball already. They speak so fast. Faster than teachers," another commented, and earned a smack on the head.

"You don't understand then come here for what? Throw face only."

"Wah you understand everything, you go up and debate lah! Sit here act smart only."

The bickering went on and on, and Pierre felt his blood reaching boiling point faster than usual. He wanted to listen to the debate on stage, not the one off stage and already he had plenty of concerns on his mind. One loud laugh shattered his patience and he whipped around ready to give them an earful, but it was Kai Wen who snapped at them.

"Shut up."

The two words, growled through gritted teeth and accompanied by a nasty glare struck fear into the students. They gulped, exchanged uncertain glances and slunk back into the seats. The sight of them lowering their heads made Pierre feel some pity, because despite their misbehaviour, they had been the precious few who sacrificed their free time to support their peers.

But he could not blame Kai Wen either.

"What's wrong?" Pierre finally asked. He tried to sound as natural as he could, like he was just asking if Kai Wen had eaten, but his voice still came out softer than he liked. Noticing that change in tone, Kai Wen seemed shaken awake from whatever that had been haunting him, and his smile appeared less forced.

"Sorry, it's about my ma," he said without looking at Pierre. "She's…not feeling well, but she doesn't want to go to the doctor. My aunt's not helping either."

Kai Wen did not say it, but Pierre immediately guessed that he was referring to her mental illness, whatever it was. He observed Kai Wen's hunched figure and felt an urge to reach out and hold his hand, but he stopped himself.

"Will you be visiting her later?"

"Will you come with me?"

No he shouldn't, Pierre thought as he looked into Kai Wen's eyes. He shouldn't, because that would only give the other more hope that he could not bring himself to fulfil. Some things were better left unknown, being any more involved with the man would only make it even harder to separate.

He shouldn't, but he averted his gaze and nodded.

It was Wendy's turn to speak. Her words floated over Pierre's head. Then it was their opponent's turn, and still Pierre heard nothing. He felt like a terrible teacher, a hypocrite who only pretended to care. His minions were fighting with all their might against a strong opponent, but his heart was not with them. He was worse than the noisy student supporters.

Kai Wen. He could only think about Kai Wen. Their fingers touched, secretly entwined, and Pierre lost track of time.

"Why you all so stupid one?!" James exclaimed, hopping and pumping his fists up and down in agitation. Shocked by that rare display of emotion, and by the plain fact that James cared enough to react this dramatically, the three debaters remained silent as he instructed them on how to go about ripping apart their opponent's loopholes in the precious three minutes they had left for their final reply speech. Their saving grace was that Anyang Girls kept harping on how monitoring infringes privacy and had little else to talk about, otherwise, in James' words, 'confirm no chance'.

"Syariff!" James shouted and pointed at the boy, and it was, as far as the three could recall, the first time he ever addressed any of them by their names. "You better speak properly. Last chance! Don't forget what I said ah!"

"I won't," Syariff replied resolutely, and the way he regarded James had completely changed since the day they were selected for the debate. "Thanks. Your notes are really helpful."

More reluctant was Wendy, but under Bhavita's urging, she too dropped her enmity towards the boy and said her thanks.

"Of course," James said as he turned away and swung his arms in an awkward expression of embarrassment. "If not helpful, I write for what?"

The short break was over in an instant and the debaters were on stage again. Syariff stood in the middle, carried his team mates' wishes, and presented the reply speech that was constructed with the help of James' intelligence.

"Monitoring doesn't mean denying the child from exploration. Monitoring must go hand in hand with open communication, to guide the child in the proper usage of the internet, warn him about dangerous sites which we mentioned earlier, and educate him on how to deal with cyber bullying. There needs to be a balance between control and freedom, and this balance would be lost if the ability to monitor was denied from the parents."

When Syariff finished speaking, the student supporters did a short cheer that involved stomping feet and clapping hands. It wasn't entirely appropriate for the event, and the organisers of the debate hushed them, but it brought a grin to Syariff's face. He obviously was not the only one who felt touched by their support. Wendy and Bhavita formed a large heart shape with their arms, drawing giggles from the audience.

But it was too early to be happy. They sat down soon enough and kept their fingers crossed as the opposition spoke.

"Monitoring involves deception and keeping the child ignorant while the parents uncover things that the child would rather keep private, and it is this unethical nature of the act that the proposition has failed to address. A child, though lacking in their cognitive understanding of the world, deserves to know the truth. If the parents remain honest and educate their child so that he could tell right from wrong, then there is no need to monitor."

A regular applause sounded, the debaters bowed and that concluded the quarter-finals. While the judges discussed among themselves to determine the winner, the students sat in the waiting area removed from the audience and uttered silent, solemn, prayers. For the four of them, this was not just a debate, but a special avenue from which their efforts had a chance of getting recognised. It was an important event which determined their worth.

And that was why, when it was announced that Zitan won the debate by a narrow margin, they let out whoops of joy.

They jumped, hugged one another, hugged James and jumped some more in disbelief. Extremely proud of themselves, they turned to their supporters and waved madly. Then they searched for their teachers, wanting to thank the two adults who had guided them this far.

But their eyes found only two empty seats.

In Pierre's car, Kai Wen's hand phone was on a non-stop rampage. His thumbs danced across the screen, replying one message after another, until a call came in.

"'Cher! Where are you?!"

The minions demanded, loud enough to fill the whole car with their voices though the phone was not on loud speaker.

"'Cher! We won leh!" "We won Anyang Girls!" "Woo hoo! Semi-finals!"

Their excited voices broke the stiff tension in the car, and both adults could not help but smile.

"Congratulations!" Kai Wen shouted over their voices and then held the phone against Pierre's ears so that he could say the same thing. Then he hushed the students and spoke to them more softly. "Sorry we weren't there to witness your victory. Something urgent came up, and I asked Mr Tan to drive me. You guys wait for Ms Tay okay? She will board the bus with you and the supporters back to school."

Whines followed his vague explanation and they demanded to know what exactly was more important than their hard-earned victory, until Bhavita snatched the phone and spoke to her teacher more politely.

"Sorry Mr Chen, they're too excited."

"It's okay. Bhavita you look after everyone okay? Make sure they stay in Danmun High until Ms Tay arrives."

"Okay!"

The call was cut and Kai Wen was abruptly left with the dial tone. Perhaps Bhavita accidentally pressed a button when she was passing the phone back to Syariff, but no matter. Despite her occasional clumsiness, she was the most reliable of the bunch and could be counted on.

"I feel bad for leaving them there," Kai Wen admitted. "By right we're not supposed to."

"I know. But they'll be fine on their own for fifteen minutes," Pierre reasoned as he turned into the housing estate. "Besides, the Danmun teachers offered to help keep an eye on them."

"I guess you're right."

Another call came in. Kai Wen looked at the number displayed on the screen and rejected it.

"Your aunt?" Pierre asked cautiously.

"It's okay. We're reaching anyway."

Pierre pulled his car into the parking lot and turned off the engine. Just as he was about to step out, Kai Wen grabbed his hand.

"When we're there," he mumbled uncertainly, "just go along with everything I say. Okay?"

Pierre did not understand. He just nodded.

The elevator ascended, the ominous feeling grew in his chest, and he glanced worriedly at Kai Wen. That man appeared too calm.

A slim woman opened the door with a violent swing, her mouth agape and ready to scold Kai Wen, but she stopped herself when she saw someone else standing at the back.

"Aunt Jenny," Kai Wen greeted monotonously. "This is my friend, Pierre."

Pierre gave a nod and said hi, but the aunt only regarded him with haggard eyes before shifting her attention back to Kai Wen.

"Took you long enough," she spat. "Her panic attack's already over. Thanks for nothing."

Kai Wen took the blame stoically and said nothing in reply. When she turned her back, Kai Wen stepped inside the small apartment and beckoned.

Pierre could not feel more out of place. He tried to suppress his nervousness by gulping, but it did not help. He was finally meeting her, the woman who left all those bruises on Kai Wen's back, the reason why Kai Wen left, and he did not know what to think.

When he was young, he pictured her to be a massive, fierce-looking woman with messy hair and rotten teeth. Perhaps she stood crooked like those evil witches in fairy tales and had the rough throaty voice of a thug. There was little information to aid his imagination, Kai Wen never said much about her, so Pierre just believed in his own guesses.

He never expected her to be a frail lady sitting in a wheelchair. Her hair was long and beautifully braided, and her face was pale and pleasant.

"Hi Auntie," Kai Wen greeted with a smile. "Remember me?"

Auntie? No, it couldn't be. The resemblance was inescapable; Kai Wen had the same eyes as her.

"Kyle! You're here!" she exclaimed joyously and reached out both hands like a child eager to have her present. "Kyle, help me. Jenny is so fierce. I don't like her. Can I change my maid?"

Overhearing the question, Jenny shouted angrily from the kitchen about not being a maid and that she's had enough of taking care of her. Kai Wen's mother cringed and trembled.

"It's okay, Auntie. Don't worry, everything will be okay."

The whole scene did not make sense to Pierre. He watched with a blank expression as Kai Wen soothed his mother. He watched the woman smile fondly at the one she used to abuse.

"Auntie, this is Pierre," Kai Wen introduced. "He's my good friend."

"Wah, your friend is so handsome," she commented and giggled before waving at Pierre. "Hello, nice to meet you."

"…Nice to meet you."

"Kyle, there is ice-cream in the fridge, get some for your friend, okay?"

They stayed there for an hour. Jenny had slammed the door of her room shut and refused to be any part of the charade, and Kai Wen uttered no comment about it. He peeled grapes to feed his mother, brushed her hair and massaged her feet as he chatted with her. They talked about his job as a social worker and about the television shows she watched. Kai Wen called her 'Auntie' and she called him 'Kyle'.

"Kyle, you're so nice. You always come and visit me," she said gently as she held his hand. "Thank you."

"No lah, Auntie," he said and waved to brush it off. "It's my job mah."

"So responsible," she said and her lips stretched into a brilliant smile that was a replica of Kai Wen's. "Your mother is so lucky to have you as a son."

A lump rose in Pierre's throat and he clenched his jaws tight. From the side, he saw Kai Wen's smile weaken.

"I don't have husband or children," she continued and sighed. "So lonely."

"Auntie," Kai Wen said, paused to swallow, and forced himself to look up with a stronger smile. "Don't worry, I will come here to keep you company okay?"

"So sweet," she said and sighed again. "If only I had a son like you."

Those words drained Kai Wen's strength. He hunched over and placed his forehead against the back of his mother's hand.

"If you don't mind, I can be your godson."

The woman giggled bashfully.

"Cannot lah. Later your mother angry at you."

"She won't," Kai Wen said and sucked in a breath. "She's won't."

They said nothing else. And then gradually, as the light coming in from the windows grew orange and cast darker shadows, Kai Wen's shoulders shook.

"Ma."

Unable to stand it, Pierre raised a palm over his mouth and he felt the back of his eyes burning when he saw tears dripping from Kai Wen's face.

"Wah, so happy," the woman chuckled, unaware of everything. "So happy, but cannot lah Kyle. Like this not fair to your mother. You must be good to her okay?"

Kai Wen nodded. He wiped away his tears. Then he nodded again.

"Sorry you had to see all that."

"No worries."

On the way home, Kai Wen willingly summarised everything about his mother without being prompted. Her family members disowned her when she insisted to get married to a gangster. They had Kai Wen, then her husband cheated on her, committed a crime, went to jail and left her with a huge debt. Too stubborn to admit her mistake, she worked to pay off the debt and raised her son without seeking help from her family members, but sometimes it was just too much for her and so she took it out on her son.

"When my pa was released from prison, she was hysterical and beat me up more frequently. That was when I…" he trailed off, skipped the part and resumed. "He refused to divorce her for a long time, until one day, she went mad."

"They're divorced now?"

Kai Wen nodded.

"He just wanted to live off her money. Apparently they got into many fights and a chunk of his ear was bitten off, and that was why he agreed to divorce." Kai Wen explained and a wry smile surfaced on his lips. "Bastard of me to say this, but my ma did a damn good job. But afterwards she sank into depression and had hallucinations. And when I came back from America and met her again, she lost it completely and wiped her own mind of the past agonising thirty years. That's why we don't live together. But if you asked me, I'd say it's better this way, though sometimes she would remember and go into a panic attack. She's happier without a husband who cheated on her and a son who left her. Ignorance is bliss."

Not knowing what he could say to alleviate the pain, Pierre kept quiet and focused on driving safely. The car was parked at the multi-storey carpark and they walked to the lift lobby where they always parted.

"Thanks for being with me just now."

"I did nothing."

"Your presence alone helped."

As always, Kai Wen looked longingly at him. They lingered, the elevator waited, and at last Kai Wen bade him good night and turned to leave.

Pierre's hand shot out and yanked, pulling the other into a hug.

He did not see how Kai Wen's eyes widened and filled with tears, but he felt the way his body trembled, just like fourteen years ago. They wrapped their arms around each other.

"I'm pathetic. I haven't grown at all."

"That's not true."

"I told myself I had to grow. I had to study hard and become damn clever, otherwise I would have left for nothing."

"You did it. You succeeded," Pierre said and patted the large back, but Kai Wen shook his head and tightened the hug.

"I gained many things by going to America. I've got a Harvard degree and now I have money. But I lost many things too," he whispered painfully. "I lost my ma and I lost you."

"Kai Wen…"

Pierre was suddenly pulled away from the hug. Kai Wen took a step back and smiled apologetically.

"Forget what I said. I didn't mean to pressurise you."

"No, I know you – "

"Good night, Pierre."

"Wait!"

Pierre held his gaze as Kai Wen turned around, and as he observed the man, he only felt the small senseless intuition in the gut expanding into a conscious determination.

"Are you free tomorrow?" he asked bluntly and the other nodded dumbly. "Let's go out. On… on a date."

"Date as in, like, dating?"

"Yeah lah duh."

"Oh."

As the proposed idea sank in, a precious, genuine smile lit Kai Wen's face, and Pierre knew then that it was impossible after all. It was impossible for him not to care about Kai Wen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> *bagus - good
> 
> *ang moh - caucasian
> 
> *cheem - complicated / sophisticated


	18. Chapter 18

In broad daylight, amidst throngs of people, Kai Wen had Pierre backed against the wall.

"Hah. Now there's nowhere for you to run."

"Wait. I'm not ready. I need…mental preparation."

With a smirk, Kai Wen reached out for Pierre's elbow.

"Come. It'll be all right."

"No, wait. D-Don't...!" Pierre tried pulling away, but the grip was tighter than he thought. He snuck a glance at Kai Wen's face, the other did the same, and he immediately looked down in shame and worry. He didn't think they would be doing this so quickly. He thought they would start slow and gradually build up, and Pierre would have enough time to adjust to the level of excitement. But Kai Wen wanted to start the day with a bang.

He uttered one last futile plea as he was strapped onto the chair. Then, the vibration started and Pierre closed his eyes tight. Kai Wen's hand rested on his for a short while to soothe him, but the touch only ignited a string of vulgarities. Too tense to do anything, he endured the tremors and entrusted his body to be brought to the highest point.

Then he let out a scream as the roller coaster plunged. The angle was so steep Pierre thought he was heading straight for the ground, and then he was yanked away and once again lifted into the air. His stomach felt queasy, as if it was left behind while the rest of his body accelerated in that abrupt turn, and he clutched onto the handrails for dear life.

"Fuck you Kai Wen!" He cursed amidst screams and he did not understand how the other was physically capable of laughing in the heart-stopping ride. Another jerk rendered him unable to further express his unhappiness, then there was another plunge and this one came so suddenly that he could not even find the breath in him to scream. Needless to say, he kept his eyes closed throughout.

At the end of the horrible ride, Pierre sat on a bench, trying very hard to not look like a weakling though his face was paper pale.

"You okay or not?" Kai Wen asked with a cheeky laugh. In contrast to the other man, he was brimming with energy.

Pierre sighed in reply. He was never good with roller coasters, not because he was a coward, but he disliked the extreme inertia alternating with the dreadful feeling of weightlessness. At least the worst was over, he thought as he looked up in pity at another train of people screaming their heads off. They had conquered the Battlestar Galactica at ten in the morning and they had the rest of the day to enjoy the less thrilling rides at Universal Studios Singapore.

Contrary to what their reactions might suggest, it was Pierre who decided to bring Kai Wen here. Since he was the one who proposed to have a date, he thought it was only right if he planned the itinerary for the day. He wanted the day to be fun and more interactive than just staring at screens in a LAN shop.

"Where do you want to go next?" he asked once his stomach felt more in place.

"Transformers! I heard the ride's one of the best. We better go before more people show up!"

The enthusiasm in Kai Wen's voice brought a smile to Pierre's lips, and he allowed himself to be pulled as they dashed to join the queue that was steadily forming. It took a while before they got into the indoor queuing area, and then there was even more waiting. Pierre couldn't imagine how long they would have to wait if the queue extended any longer than this.

They did everything children would do; they flipped the fake switches and touched every inconspicuous glowing objects for no reason as the Autobots briefed them on their mission from the screen. Though it was dark inside, Pierre found himself having a great time and laughing along especially when Kai Wen tried to mimic the way Optimus Prime spoke.

"Behold! The AllSpark!" Kai Wen said too loudly when they passed by the exhibit in the queue and earned chuckles from the crowd as well as a small kick from Pierre. But though a kick was sent, Pierre remained grinning. The blue light that filled the chamber could not diminish the joy the other man radiated, and Pierre was glad to have met his primary objective – to cheer Kai Wen up.

When it was their turn, they were fortunate enough to sit in the front row of the Evac and were treated to a perfect viewing of the 3D animation. They let out surprised shouts when the Evac spun and held their breaths when it accelerated though they were technically physically at the same spot. It was all so real that they yelled during the vertical drop and muttered breathless gratitude when they were saved by Bumblebee. At the end of it, Kai Wen waved goodbye to Optimus Prime and they exited fully satisfied.

"Wah that was awesome! Really very real hor? Ah, can take photo with Bumblebee. Chiong* ah!"

Still in exhilarated daze, Pierre went along with everything the other man wanted. They queued, and when it was their turn, Kai Wen pulled him close. Pierre stared at the peace sign formed by Kai Wen's fingers and felt the weight of the arm slung casually across his shoulders.

"Hello, look here please," the cameraman called.

Snapped from his daze, Pierre hurriedly shone a smile. The shutter was clicked, Kai Wen released him and they thanked the cameraman. It all happened so quickly Pierre hardly had time to digest the very important fact that this was the first photograph they had ever taken alone together… or as alone as they could be if they did not count the man inside Bumblebee.

It was a pity they did not think to take a photograph together fourteen years ago. The class photos were all that served as remembrance, but even that he could never bring himself to look at. He wondered exactly how much they had changed since that time. But then again, lately he was beginning to think that things weren't so different after all. If this amusement park had existed back then, he would have brought Kai Wen here, and the teenager would surely be playing around in the same manner as his adult version, running everywhere with that brilliant grin on his face.

"Pierre?"

Kai Wen looked at him with concern. He shook his head and smiled.

"It's nothing. Let's go eat."

* * *

Around four in the afternoon, they left the amusement park and headed for the aquarium. It was partly miscalculation on Pierre's part; perhaps he shouldn't have purchased the entry to both places in one day. He could tell Kai Wen still wanted to try some of those rides, especially the water ride with the crazy queue, but decided to leave because he did not want to waste money.

As they walked, Kai Wen munched on another burger. He claimed the previous one he had was too small and wasn't enough. It was all so stereotypically American that it reminded Pierre of something he had wanted to clarify for a while.

"So, Kyle, how's the burger?" he asked with a mock American accent and chuckled when he received a frown in return.

"What the hell?"

"Yeah, that's what people call you over there, isn't it? And I bet you speak like this to your uncle?"

"No choice, okay? They thought 'Kai Wen' is troublesome to pronounce."

"Heng* they never take the second part of your name. Otherwise become 'Wendy'."

Irritated and amused at the same time, Kai Wen poked Pierre to make him stop laughing. When that didn't work, he retaliated.

"That's enough, Jing Liang."

"Wah lao!" Pierre shuddered and skipped a step away. "Only my ah mah and my Chinese teachers call me that."

Proud to have provoked the reaction, Kai Wen smirked and leaned over to pester, in high-pitched nasal voice.

"Jing Liang."

"Oi stop hor, Kyle."

Their childish teasing continued even after they entered the queue for the aquarium, as if the rest of the crowd were invisible. Sometimes they laughed loud enough to turn heads, and parents who were trying to make their children behave stared at them in disapproval. They only stopped when a powerful shove sent Kai Wen stumbling and almost crashing into a glass display case, and it was then that they were reminded of the meaning of shame. They kept their heads low and walked as quickly as they could once it was their turn to enter.

But they only managed to rush a few meters ahead before stopping altogether. The people behind passed them impatiently while complaining about how they were in the way. They did not notice, in the dark space, that Pierre had one hand over his mouth.

"Ey, Pierre," Kai Wen said, one arm round his shoulders to steady him, just in case. "Come, let's get out."

"Sorry. I spoil sport."

"Siao lah. We better leave if you're not feeling well."

"No, I'm okay," Pierre insisted. He held on to Kai Wen and kept his gaze focused on the light source a distance ahead. "I think it's brighter over there. Let's go."

Kai Wen complied hesitantly. He kept a careful watch on Pierre as they walked further in and asked several times whether he was sure about not turning back. And then he kept telling Pierre to report any discomfort.

"Han na, han na. You very naggy leh," Pierre snapped once he felt well enough to do so. "Don't worry about me lah. Look at the fish."

At the side of the walkways were circular peepholes from which one could see small luminescent fish. Pierre pulled Kai Wen in that direction, partly to get away from the crowd that clamoured at the larger displays, and partly because he was more interested in the smaller fishes. He brought his face near the glass and looked in appreciation of the miniature aquatic world.

"So nice," he muttered as the fish swam by and showed off their beauty. The glowing purple amidst the darkness was hypnotising, especially the way it changed shades as the scales of the small fish caught light from different angles. It took a while before Pierre realised that he was hogging the view, and when he did he shifted to make some space.

"Yeah, very nice."

The proximity of the voice alarmed Pierre, and he found himself trapped. One hand on the wall, Kai Wen leaned forward from behind to get a better view. A sneaked glance told Pierre that Kai Wen was sincerely admiring the fish as well, not patronising him, and so he thought it would be rude if he told him to back off. He did, however, try to squirm closer to the wall so that Kai Wen's chest would not press against his back.

"Let's go there?" Pierre suggested, and a paranoid side of him thought that he sounded strange. Clearing his throat, he twisted as naturally as he could and walked to the next peephole. What awaited at the other side of the glass were jellyfish, languidly floating about. Although Pierre was not a big fan of the slimy looking creature, he observed the occasional movement of their translucent umbrella with great care. He was determined to stay focused.

"Oh, look at that one," Kai Wen spoke, his face merely centimetres away. "It's so much smaller than the rest."

Pierre hummed in agreement and gulped. Perhaps he should count the number of tentacles for each jellyfish, that way, he would not think too much about the warm breath puffing so close to him. But as he did so, he realised that he could see Kai Wen's reflection on the glass. His head dipped in escape and his eyes searched for the information panel, pretending to read about the jellyfish.

"Does it say anything interesting?"

The question drew a complete blank in Pierre's mind. He looked up by reflex, and from the way Kai Wen lifted his brows, he knew he had accidentally shown his confusion. Blood rushed to his cheeks and he prayed that it would not be seen under the dim lighting.

"Um, I'm not sure," he trailed off, tongue-tied and ashamed. His inability to respond was equivalent to admitting his lack of focus and that he was not really reading at all. His eyes darted away from Kai Wen's, but ended up lingering on his lips, neck and shoulders, and his mind floated to recap the way they kissed in the toilet.

"Pierre," Kai Wen said, and from his warning tone, it was obvious that he was catching on. "What are you thinking about?"

Pierre wanted to know the answer himself. Why was this only happening now, he wondered in frustration. The earlier parts of the day had been great and there was no tension between them at all. They rushed about, had fun and were just enjoying each other's company like old buddies, weren't they?

Or had they been subtly flirting with each other all along? The seemingly casual physical contact, the many times they locked eyes while laughing at every silly little thing…

Afraid to think any more, Pierre spun and headed to the next peephole, though by then even he had to admit that he was not really looking at the fish.

His heart pounded as he waited for Kai Wen to draw near. He felt fingers brushing the ends of his hair.

And then he felt a feathery kiss on his cheek.

"There are crabs over there."

Pierre walked off abruptly, tearing himself away from the light touches. His cheek burned from the simple kiss, throbbing and aching for more, but he willed himself to ignore it.

He willed himself to not react when another kiss was pressed at the same spot, this time with more assertiveness.

"Pierre, look at me," Kai Wen said with one hand on Pierre's arm so he could not run.

"…What do you want?"

"I want to kiss you."

The blunt reply to his callous question sent a jolt through Pierre, and he quickly looked around, fearing that they were overheard.

"Siao ah*? We are in public."

"No one knows us."

"No. Not here – "

"Does that mean we can kiss somewhere else?"

Pierre narrowed his eyes. He hated it when Kai Wen exploited the loopholes in the things he said, but thanks to that he was snapped out of his daze. He was so close to turning around and letting his lips meet Kai Wen's. True, he could not help but care, and he was willing to do this much just to make Kai Wen happy, but he was not going to hand over his heart so easily again. Tasting that kind of devastation once was enough.

Pulling away, Pierre stared at the ground and whispered harshly.

"Stop being so god damn persistent."

The best place to focus his vision on were the glowing exit signs. They did not fight the darkness as effectively as the illuminated tanks did, but he thought this was better. To cast his eyes towards the glass meant catching a glimpse of Kai Wen's look of disappointment, and even more than that, he feared seeing his own expression.

They walked through the rest of the aquarium without another word.

* * *

Out of sheer stubbornness, Pierre decided to finish the day by watching the fireworks in Universal Studios. He could have left earlier but he had planned for this date and he wanted to see it through to the end.

Beside him, Kai Wen leaned against the wall, waiting for the fireworks. The main area was already filled by the time they reached, so they settled for a corner behind everyone. They would not get the best view, but it did not matter.

"Pierre," Kai Wen said as he looked at the ground. "You might still be angry at me, but I just want to say thank you for today. I had a lot of fun."

"No problem."

"Will there…will there be a next time?"

The timid question prompted Pierre to look at Kai Wen, who still had his head bowed. Silence passed between them before Pierre opened his mouth, ready to apologise because, no, this was an exception to begin with. But as he stared at Kai Wen's hunched frame and remembered how pathetic the man looked as he cried in front of his mother, the words choked in his throat and transformed into something else.

"I don't know."

It was the uncertainty in his voice that triggered the hurt in Kai Wen. He lifted his head to look at Pierre, and for a long time they sustained that eye contact, trying to find a warmth that was so distant but still familiar.

"I think I have a chance," Kai Wen declared at last. He had nothing more to lose. "I think you still like me."

Pierre took in a deep breath to calm himself. He had hoped that Kai Wen would shut up and just enjoy the fireworks but if it was not to be, then so be it.

"You think too highly of yourself."

"If you don't like me, then why do you let me kiss you?"

"You're not the only one I've kissed. Don't act like you've never kissed anyone else."

It was not an entirely logical argument, but the effect on Kai Wen was earth shattering. His eyes narrowed painfully and his jaw was tight.

"You didn't have to put it that way," he said with difficulty. "I am serious about you, Pierre. Why won't you give me another chance?"

Why? Kai Wen should know precisely why.

"We can be happy together. Why won't you put those unpleasant things behind us?"

If it was so easy, Pierre would have done that a long time ago.

"I'll treat you well. If you give me another chance, I promise I will - "

"As if I'll believe your shitty promises after what you did!" Pierre raised his voice, unable to bear it any longer. And when he saw how taken aback, and  _confused_  Kai Wen was, his clenched fist shook.  
"You tore the IOU!"

A shrill hiss shot into the night sky and exploded into golden fragments. Joyous music accompanied the fireworks and the crowd cheered each time a larger one was set off. Only two men did not spare a glance at the blossoming flowers.

"You tore the IOU," Pierre shouted over the noise as he watched the light play over the contours of Kai Wen's face. "You have no fucking idea how much that stupid piece of paper meant to me!"

The accusation struck Kai Wen hard and he could not reply though he knew exactly what Pierre was talking about. The apology came only after a pause, and it did not convince.

"I'm sorry."

"Fuck you," Pierre spat and turned away. His arm was however caught.

"No, listen!" Kai Wen begged. "I'm really sorry! I really regretted it. I…I tried to apologise, I tried to contact you when I was in America!"

"By sending those half-assed text messages?!"

With a burst of strength, Pierre wrenched his arm from Kai Wen's hold, but this time, the other man did not pursue. Instead, he stood staring unbelievingly at Pierre.

"…You read them?"

There was no response, but that was enough confirmation. Kai Wen's gaze dropped to the ground as he nodded in defeat.

"All these years, I told myself that maybe you didn't reply because you changed your number," he muttered, almost too soft to be heard over the noises. "Do you know how hard it was for me? Do you know that I held my phone to sleep every night hoping for a reply from you?" When Kai Wen looked at Pierre again, he did so with unbridled resentment. "You're fucking heartless."

"You're the one who didn't want to stay in contact!" Pierre yelled as the rush of fury took over and made his head feel like it was about to burst. "You're the one who ditched me, bastard!"

"You have no idea what I was going through!"

"How the fuck will I know if you don't tell me?!"

As the fireworks dwindled towards the end of the show, so did the strong front that Pierre had been putting up. The tears that he had only secretly leaked in his youth now flowed freely before Kai Wen.

"If you had told me…more about your mother… things would have been different, damn it!" Angry at himself for crying, Pierre raised his arm to wipe his tears away, but he could not stop the flood. "I might be useless back then, but I could have listened to you! I could have been there for you. We could have…graduated together and gone to the same JC…"

Drained of energy, Pierre stood unsteadily with hands still clutching his face. He sensed Kai Wen stepping closer but he was already too tired to move away.

"I couldn't tell you," Kai Wen said, and he too sounded like he was about to cry. "I couldn't tell you because I was young and stupid. I didn't know how to tell you…"

It did not quite make sense, but Pierre sobbed even harder at that explanation. He wanted to tell Kai Wen that he too was young and stupid and did not know how to handle the break up, but all that left his mouth were strangled gasps. Then he understood. It never really mattered who was right and who was wrong, he just needed Kai Wen to come back to him. He just needed closure.

"Hey," Kai Wen said and reached out to pry Pierre's hands from his face. "Don't cry leh."

"Go to hell…Fuck you…!"

Hands were slapped away, elbows were pulled and shoulders were pushed. They struggled, trying to catch hold of something so precious that they were too timid to ask for. They struggled with their past, with the huge gap of each other's absence, and with all the sadness and anger. And some time during the last few dying bursts of fireworks that tapered into silence, their lips crashed together. Their confused struggles ended in that instant, weakened by the pure need to heal, and both of them had their eyes closed in the kiss that was too gentle. Kai Wen's hand slid down Pierre's back, and Pierre wound his arms around Kai Wen's neck. Their lips nudged against each other, parting only for a split second whenever one needed to gasp from the overwhelming emotions before gravitating back to the kiss. It lasted until both of them ran out of breath and they kept their faces near to savour the closeness and the sweetness of finally,  _finally_ , getting their feelings across to each other.

Then they finally noticed the people staring at them.

"Oh shit," Pierre muttered and raised a hand to shield his flushed face. Suddenly he felt like a moron for digging up everything from the distant past and feeling so emotional over it in public.

"Uh, let's run," Kai Wen said, and Pierre thought this was the best suggestion he had ever heard from the man.

They dashed as one out of the amusement park, leaving behind the hoots of support and murmurs of disgust. Their footsteps pattered fiercely on the ground and the innocent bystanders jumped when the two men whizzed past them, wondering in half panic whether a disaster had happened and if they needed to evacuate. Kai Wen took up Pierre's hand as they ran, and when their fingers interlocked, the silliest smile appeared on both their faces. Neither knew who started it, but soon they were laughing like the childish idiots that they actually were, deep inside.

When they reached Pierre's car, both of them were panting like mad.

"Haven't...ran like this…in a long time," Kai Wen said while leaning against the door. "Hey…I thought you plays sports…why you also so tired?"

"Shut up lah…getting old already okay?"

They stepped into the car, Pierre started the engine and they made their way out of Sentosa. He asked if Kai Wen was hungry, and the man replied that he was fine with just calling it a day. But though their exchange was seemingly casual, as if nothing happened earlier, the whole car was filled with a nervous tension. It settled like a dense cloud of dust and suffocated both of them, until Kai Wen decided to be brave.

"I uh, I don't care," he said awkwardly and scratched his head, an action reminiscent of his youth. "I take that as a 'yes'."

"Huh. A 'yes' for what?" Pierre asked purposely, feigning ignorance.

"Yes for… for…being my boyfriend lah…"

Kai Wen's hands gestured more quickly than his words, and there was so much genuine worry that Pierre had to stifle a chuckle.

"Why should I?" he asked, and almost snickered when Kai Wen blanched. This little bit of revenge for the past fourteen years was forgivable, he thought. But then eventually he took pity on the poor man. "You won't even tell me where you stay."

"I tell you now! Come to my house!"

This suggestion, in comparison with the previous, was not as smart. Kai Wen only realised what he said after actually saying it, and he joined Pierre in turning crimson.

"I mean…I don't mean…"

"Okay stop, stop. Just tell me your address and let me drive you home."

"Then you be my boyfriend?"

"Han na! Wah kao you sibei* annoying."

They continued to chat about everything under the moon as Pierre drove, and he took care to slow down for safety because he knew he was getting distracted. Meanwhile, classic old songs played from the radio and the familiar tunes of Backstreet Boys had both their heads nodding to the beat. The songs and Kai Wen's laughter kept Pierre warm, and though his wounds from the past were deep and would take a long time to fully heal, the outburst earlier was the first step. Sneaking glances at the photograph they took with Bumblebee, Pierre thought that perhaps it was not such a bad idea to trust Kai Wen again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> *chiong - rush. 'Chiong ah' is an excited exclamation of 'Let's go there quickly'
> 
> *heng - luckily
> 
> *siao ah? - are you crazy?
> 
> *sibei - extremely


	19. Chapter 19

This House would allow gay couples to marry.

Proposition

 

Both Kai Wen and Pierre looked down and held their foreheads. Things were already awkward enough between them with their too-recent confession, and this debate topic just had to rub it in their faces. It would have been better if the semi-finals took place one week later, at least the two of them would have one more week to become more comfortable with the idea of being a couple before being presented with the idea of marriage. Of course, they neglected to prepare their minions for this topic.

"Gay! Yes, it's good to be gay!" Syariff rambled out of nervousness.

"Stupid lah! Not talking about whether gay is good or not. This is about whether married gay is good or not…" Wendy argued, but the more she spoke, the more her panicking brain could not process her own words. "Wait ah, what's the difference?"

"The difference… marriage…" Bhavita's eyes darted about as she tried to come up with something, and then they rested on James. The other two naturally followed.

"What?" James said curtly. "Don't look at me hor. I don't know everything in the world."

They sent SOS gazes to their teachers only to be ignored, and they sighed in resignation. Anyway, it was prohibited for their teachers to help them at this point of time. They could only depend on themselves. Regretting not taking Sexuality Education seriously, they made their way to the preparation room.

In the audience's seats, in front of the two teachers, a whole class worth of student supporters chattered excitedly about the topic, fancying themselves as debaters. The more learned ones tried to recall the countries that already legalised gay marriage, while the dumb ones acted gay and proposed to one another.

"Howard," one of them sang in the most girly voice he could manage, " _How_  can I live without you?"

That was one of the sillier examples. The more serious included declarations of love on one knee while suppressing giggles. They didn't mean any harm and they were definitely not trying to poke fun at homosexuals, at least not intentionally. They were just fun-loving mischievous fools completely oblivious to the actual gay couple sitting right behind them.

Pierre coughed to chase some blood away from his cheeks.

"I think this time they're going to die," he admitted, referring to his minions.

"Yeah, we were careless," Kai Wen said, and he too tried to retain some composure. "This is a common topic, we should have prepared them for it."

"Sorry."

"Oh, no, no! I wasn't trying to blame you…"

Kai Wen waved his hands as he clarified, and they froze when their eyes met. They quickly looked away.

What was with that behaviour?! Pierre mentally smacked himself. He was too old to act like a shy boy in front of a teenage crush, yet his head moved on its own. Something had changed between them; they were not the lovey-dovey couple that they once were and neither were they like buddies. Ever since Pierre sent Kai Wen home that night, an unresolved tension brewed between them and now their relationship seemed to have regressed.

It was all Kai Wen's fault, of that he was certain, and Pierre blushed at the memory.

* * *

_That night, Kai Wen did not tell Pierre's his address, choosing instead to act as a human GPS and directing the journey. Frustrated by that pointless secrecy, Pierre gave up asking and just drove. He was not that surprised when he realised he was driving towards the school; he assumed Kai Wen chose a place nearby for convenience. He did not think, however, that it would be in the older HDB district. Judging by the way Kai Wen dressed, and inferring from the plain fact that he was a Head of Department, Pierre knew the man was rich._

" _Are you sure this is the right way?" he asked as he hesitantly turned into a narrow road._

"… _yes," came the equally hesitant reply that made Pierre even more confused._

_Then a bulb lit in Pierre's head. Perhaps Kai Wen was ashamed to let Pierre know that he stayed in a run-down place. But that was needless fear, Kai Wen's financial status never mattered to Pierre._

_A smile on his face, Pierre drove down that road and made a turn into one that was more familiar. He let his gaze linger near a lamp post, he remembered exactly which one, where Kai Wen came running for him that night and carried him to the clinic. Then he made another turn into yet another familiar road that was near his old house._

_And his smile faded when he made the next turn._

"… _.Here," Kai Wen said and Pierre pulled over._

_They sat unmoving in silence for a while before Kai Wen cleared his throat and bade him good night._

" _Wait," Pierre tugged at Kai Wen's sleeve and forced him to sit back down. "Wait, what..?"_

_What Pierre meant to ask were questions like 'why here?' and 'are you sure it's here?', but he sat there mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. It was too much of a shock to him and was completely out of his expectation. He never would have guessed that Kai Wen now stayed in the exact same HDB block as the one Pierre used to stay in._

" _I-It was co-coincidence," Kai Wen stuttered, and then he babbled. "At first I wanted to buy a house but then I saw a unit here available for rent. It's not your old unit, by the way. You know lah, singles under thirty-five cannot buy a HDB flat. The rent is cheap here because the block is old but I didn't mind because it was near the school. I-I did not rent it because it had the same layout as your old home or anything like that. But if I told you about this earlier you would think I'm creepy."_

" _Disturbing shit."_

_The comment left Pierre subconsciously and it was not because he was angry. He was just…very disturbed…by the idea that for as long as Kai Wen had returned to Singapore, he had been staying where Pierre used to stay. If Pierre's mother had not decided to move away, they would have become neighbours._

" _Sorry, but it was really a coincidence," Kai Wen trailed off, but then he gripped his fists and decided to withdraw some more of his dwindling courage. "All right fine, I was thinking of you when I rented the place. It felt really nostalgic. I missed you and I thought that it was some kind of fate that led me here again. I think all along I was hoping…hoping that I'll see you again…"_

_Kai Wen finished his speech with one hand on the driver's backrest and the other on the steering wheel. Pierre kept his head down, too embarrassed and stunned to say anything in return. Was there anything he could say to rival the sheer intensity of Kai Wen's words? While Pierre sought to forget about Kai Wen in the past fourteen years, the other man was doing the opposite. To think Kai Wen felt so strongly about him._

_Pierre trembled when he felt fingers brushing his burning cheek, urging him to look up._

" _Don't…"_

" _But you're my boyfriend already."_

_A finger daringly ran over Pierre's bottom lip and it quivered in response._

" _I-I change my mind."_

" _Cannot. Too late."_

_Leaving no time for another protest, Kai Wen tilted and claimed his boyfriend's lips. Pierre let out a careless moan which resounded loudly in the silent car, and he gripped Kai Wen's shirt as he struggled to keep up with the passionate kiss. Their lips rubbed against each other messily and a trickle of saliva leaked from a corner when Pierre was too occupied to swallow. A gasp created a chance for Kai Wen, and the tip of his tongue darted in once to elicit another moan before reaching in deeper._

_It was too much for Pierre to handle. His rapidly melting brain lost control of his voice and could not stop his hands from clawing in need. The sensation was new to him; his entire body was burning at a ridiculous temperature and squirming in a provocative way that he never thought himself capable of doing. At this rate, he was going to go crazy._

" _Ah…Kai…mmph! S-stop…"_

_Whether or not the man heard him was a mystery, and he might as well had been asking the stars to stop shining. Kai Wen pressed closer to Pierre in that tight space, his hand shifted to rest on the seat and he started caressing Pierre's thigh._

_By reflex, Pierre kicked._

_The entire car jerked backwards violently as the foot accidentally pressed the pedal, and the inertia caused Kai Wen's back to slam against the steering wheel. The impact had the grown man whimpering in pain and he slunk back into his own seat to nurse the bruise. Still breathless, Pierre apologised profusely and asked if Kai Wen was all right. Then when he remembered why this was happening in the first place and how he was turned on by the kiss, shame overwrote all his other thoughts._

" _G-Get out lah, you perverted stalker!"_

_The rest happened in a blur for Pierre. He somehow pushed Kai Wen out of his car despite the other's pitiful beg for forgiveness, and he drove away without looking back. His heart thumped erratically the whole journey home and it was a miracle that he did not get into an accident. When at last his car was safely parked, he planted his face in his palms, thought about how Kai Wen was now inside that old house and tried to imagine how it was like living there for the past five years before they met again._

_He did not know which was worse, uncovering this horrendously sweet secret or the fact they had just made out in the car._

* * *

After that awkward incident, Kai Wen had been treating Pierre extra carefully, testing waters with text messages and at the same time limiting the number of messages so he did not seem any more like a stalker. He also ceased to make bold moves on Pierre, always holding back and opting for a kiss on the cheek or forehead instead of the lips. It was like his courage had run out.

Pierre endured as Kai Wen stole glances at him throughout the wait for the debate to begin. He wanted to tell the other that he did not mean what he said and that the insult just left his mouth before he could help it. But he was eighty percent certain that if he said that, Kai Wen would immediately want to make out, and he was not ready to confront the onslaught of passion again so soon. Because when it was with Kai Wen, kissing felt too different.

The hall thundered with applause as the student debaters made their way inside, and as the supporters cheered, Pierre scolded himself for thinking about other things. He had already 'pang seh'ed them twice, during the third preliminaries and the quarter-finals, and he was not about to make the same mistake and let his students down again.

"Go Zitan!" he yelled and the student supporters turned around, momentarily surprised by this side of their stern teacher, before following suit and bringing that cheer forty times louder.

Bolstered by the cheers, Syariff stood up and made his way to the center to present his argument. He looked much more confident than when he just received the topic.

But the points that came out of his mouth were only enough to fool the less-academically-inclined, like the Zitan students who were gaping in awe at how quickly their friend spoke.

"If two people are in love each other, they shouldn't be discriminated against regardless of their gender. Marriage is a personal choice so as long as the two people involved have mutual consent, there is no reason not to…"

"He is digging his own grave," Kai Wen groaned. "Of course marriage is not just about the two people involved."

"I think they're too young to understand the concept," Pierre said but he was quickly proven wrong when the opposition shot a point of information.

"I urge the proposition to consider the societal implications if gay marriage is allowed. It sends a signal to the rest that homosexuality is accepted as a norm when it goes against certain religious beliefs. Besides, if marriage is really only about the two involved parties, they can conduct their own ceremony and celebration without society's recognition."

"Good game."

Kai Wen's declaration of defeat was not unfounded. Their opponents were too strong, and the difference in their ability was made even more obvious when it was their turn to present the arguments. They talked about the importance of procreation and how family was the basic building block of a society. In their words, allowing gay marriage undermines the significance of marriage itself, and as Pierre listened, his eyes were cast lower.

One thing he learned in his recent conversations with Kai Wen was that he was bisexual. He admitted to dating girls when he was in America as he was figuring out his sexual orientation. 'The only guy I ever liked is you,' was what he said, and while that was incredibly nice to know, an unsettling thought surfaced along with Kai Wen's words. If Pierre was not around, if they had not met again, Kai Wen might have married a girl and led a normal life.

The students sitting in front were talking too loudly again, but instead of scolding them, Kai Wen leant forward and joined the chat briefly before persuading them to whisper. Pierre observed how they shone him sheepish smiles before quieting down, and he thought Kai Wen would have made a great father.

"What's wrong?" Kai Wen asked when he noticed the change and Pierre shook his head.

"Just thinking about stuff. Don't mind me."

"There is nothing wrong with two people of the same gender loving each other, other than the fact that it would be a fruitless union," the last speaker of the opposition claimed. "If a homosexual couple just want to be together, cohabitating is an option. If recognition is what they want, there are other means as we mentioned earlier. We would thus like to conclude by reinstating that the privileges of marriage should only be granted to heterosexual couples as they are physically able to contribute to the society through procreation."

The Zitan team stayed very quiet as applause sounded at the end of the debate. There was as usual a break before the results were released, and these were the last few minutes for them to brace themselves for the outcome that they already knew would not go in their favour. A distance away from them, the supporters sat in matching sadness, wishing they could console the debaters and yet at the same time unwilling to let go of hope.

Pierre fiddled with his phone as he waited, planning what to say to his students later. They had worked really hard, but it seemed this was the limit. It was impressive enough that they could come so far, but was this really the best thing to say when they had put in all of themselves to win?

"Can we talk outside for a while?"

Kai Wen was probably concerned about the same thing, so Pierre easily agreed. They walked out of the hall towards an empty study area and sat on one of the benches.

"I guess it's over. Pretty obvious who would win," Pierre said and Kai Wen nodded. "Oh well, they did their best."

Kai Wen nodded again and said nothing. That was strange, usually the one nodding and had less to say was Pierre.

"…You're that sad for them?"

"Huh? Oh, no lah, I just…"

The sentence was not completed and this prompted Pierre to look more closely at Kai Wen. That was when he noticed the man was holding something behind his back.

"What - ?"

Before he could formulate the question, Kai Wen whipped the item to the front and presented it to Pierre.

Or rather, the  _items._

"I-I-I wanted to give this to you two days later, you know, during our anniversary, but I cannot wait."

Anniversary? What was he talking about? Kai Wen's words floated past Pierre, who kept his eyes locked on the things in Kai Wen's hands.

"But today is okay too, because I gave this to you on the same day fourteen years ago. Ah, but the date here is wrong now…"

Kai Wen lifted one of his hand to scratch his head, but quickly realised that he shouldn't, otherwise the smaller object would slide off the surface and drop. He clumsily steadied himself and pushed it back to where it was supposed to rest.

"I-I know this is way too soon, but I feel like I have waited forever to do this. You might want to KIV this for now, but I really hope you will accept it first," he continued, and worried that Pierre might doubt his sincerity, he added. "Y-you see, this time it's laminated. Sure cannot tear…"

Somebody needed to teach this guy about TLC. Not 'tender, love and care', but 'time, location and context'! Completely caught off guard, Pierre sucked in a sharp breath of air, still neither comprehending nor believing that this was really happening.

In Kai Wen's hands was a laminated sheet of paper that was much smaller than foolscap. The words on it were written in neat calligraphy, not scribbled messily.

IOU  
Chen Kai Wen  
17/7/2017

"I want to say sorry, for being selfish and leaving you fourteen years ago," Kai Wen said, but not with bravado. It was something deeper that propelled these words. He was speaking with all of his heart. "Sorry also, for my stupidity, for not trying to contact you earlier and for behaving like a perverted stalker."

"No, you are not –" Pierre tried to retort but stopped halfway. He couldn't speak.

"And I want to thank you for changing my life, for teaching me how to debate, for consoling me when I got hit by my mother, for forcing me to quit the gang, for… too many things."

Pierre's eyes stung as he listened and tried to take everything in. The man before him was nothing like a Harvard graduate. He was not the handsome, humorous and intelligent man that everyone else thought he was. Kai Wen's hands were shaking, and he was just a man with humble backgrounds and a really small self-esteem.

"You know, just now I was thinking a lot too, when they talked about gay marriage, and I disagree with everything they said. That's why I…oh!"

Suddenly reminded that he was not in the correct position, Kai Wen left his seat and slowly descended to his knees. The little object slid away again, and so Kai Wen nudged it back in place.

He nudged the ring so that it sat on the 'O'.

"I don't care about privileges. I don't need people's recognition. I just want to owe you for the rest of my life!"

Kai Wen squeezed his eyes shut when he was done, and he held the card and ring higher than his lowered head. But to his greatest fear, there was no response from Pierre.

"Sorry this is so sudden. I promise I won't leave you again. I promise I will treat you well. Please believe me," he rambled in panic and he did not dare to raise his head. "Please take it and KIV…"

"What KIV lah wah lao."

Snapped from thoughts that were steadily spiralling down to the negative, Kai Wen looked up. His eyes enlarged.

"Damn you. Stop kneeling leh. Sit here," Pierre commanded and the other man obeyed. Then he grumbled. "Seriously what's wrong with you? In Danmun? After a debate? Are you even trying to be romantic?"

It was Kai Wen's turn to stay quiet, but Pierre detected no remorse in those eyes. They looked ecstatic and touched at the same time and Pierre didn't know why.

"This is worse than those 'let's apply for HDB' proposals. An 'IOU'? Seriously?"

"We cannot apply for HDB together yet mah. Must wait until we're thirty-five."

"You shut up lah."

There was a pause, and then Kai Wen set the card down and reached out to brush the area under Pierre's right eye.

"Don't cry leh."

"Huh?"

It was weird, he didn't know he was crying, until the wind blew and the moisture that stained his heated face cooled. Then he was enveloped in a hug, with the card still sitting between them.

"I love you so much," Kai Wen whispered blissfully, because conscious or not, Pierre had taken the ring. When he told Kai Wen to get up earlier, the ring was already resting on his finger.

"Stupid," Pierre scolded and sobbed. "Only an idiot like you will propose one week after getting together."

"Han na, han na, I stupid." A slight push ended the hug, but Kai Wen continued holding on to Pierre and he said cheekily. "I stupid, but you like, right?"

"Fuck off lah!"

Pierre pushed Kai Wen's arms away, grabbed the neglected card and stood up. This was really not the right place to get all romantic, they needed to hurry back to receive the results of the debate with his students. But he was caught by an arm slung across his shoulders.

"At a time like this, shouldn't say 'fuck off'," Kai Wen advised, his face irritatingly near. "Should say, 'I love you'."

"Siao!"

"Come, you try. Only three words, very simple. Say 'I love you'."

"Don't want lah fuck off!"

The walk back to the hall was too short for Kai Wen to successfully pry the words from Pierre's mouth, but he was patient and willing to wait for a few hours before trying again. They entered just in time to hear the announcement – that Zitan would not be advancing to the finals – and before long they were confronted with four disappointed students.

"That's it, 'cher. We lost," Syariff said with uncharacteristic gloom.

"The opponent too strong lah," Wendy reasoned, though she was obviously distraught as well. "No choice."

"We are from Zitan. What else did you expect?" James commented with a complete lack of sensitivity and provoked protests from both Syariff and Wendy.

Pushing past the bickering trio was Bhavita, and she stood before her teachers.

"Sorry Mr Chen, Mr Tan. We really tried out best."

"Don't be silly," Kai Wen said and shone them a wide grin. "You guys were great. Just continue to read widely and practise expressing your own thoughts and you will become better debaters in the future."

It was a comforting piece of advice, but Bhavita was not even looking at Mr Chen. No, she was looking at Mr Tan, at his reddened eyes in particular, and she misunderstood.

"Sorry," she apologised again, this time bursting into tears. "Sorry Mr Tan..."

Affected by Bhavita, the other three ceased their quarrels and crowded around her. Wendy pulled her into a hug, but soon her own shoulders were bobbing up and down in sobs. Even Syariff the joker wiped his eyes, and this sight made the still-emotional-Pierre want to cry again. They might not be the most intelligent students, but they really wanted to win. They really wanted to be the second team in Zitan's history to reach the finals.

"Sorry we lost…!"

The pitiful sobbing somehow escalated into an embarrassing wail, and even the organisers came around to ask if they were all right. Only James and Kai Wen did not join the crying group, and they exchanged a glance and shrugged, because they knew that they would be back to normal after a good cry. Zitan was a strong tree, one that could withstand harsh conditions of living, and it would not go down so easily.


	20. Chapter 20

The first chime of the day went off and weary students dragged themselves to the hall for morning assembly. They climbed the stairs without an ounce of youthful energy, and they only briefly glanced over the line of students at the side of the stage with curiosity. Unlike those sleepy students, the ones lined up were dressed smartly with school tie put on. Syariff, Wendy, Bhavita and James were among them, and they felt as nervous as during the debates.

"Eh, why we so nervous ah?" Syariff asked with a wry smile. "Only going on stage to announce result right?"

"Yeah loh," Wendy brushed it off with a flick of her wrist, which would have looked cool if not for the trembling fingertips that gave her away. "Anyway we got script. Nothing will go wrong lah."

Beside them, a loud laughter erupted from the basketball boys. They were talking about some funny things that happened during their fight for championship and teasing one of them who made a silly mistake. But the fact that they could laugh in such a carefree manner told the four of them the outcome of that match. The basketball team won and brought glory to the school, whereas the debate team lost.

"Do you think they'll even clap?" Bhavita asked quietly. "No one in our school cares much for debates."

"And we're announcing our results first. This is called 'saving the best for the last' huh?"

The three of them sighed at Syariff's pessimistic comment. It could not be helped, it was their duty to announce the results formally to the school, whether anyone cared about it or not. In a way, this had been their solitary fight all along. They were picked for the debate from an unwilling bunch of students, and even they were not enthusiastic at first. So even though they struggled, rode emotional roller coasters and learnt various things about themselves, it all boiled down to a few simple lines of report for a few seconds on stage.

The school bell rang, they sang the national anthem and then a student councillor took over to make general announcements. Syariff looked beside him and received supportive nods from the two girls. Though they had agreed to go on stage together, Syariff would be the one giving the short speech – their last task as a team before they disbanded. Whirling around, he made sure that James was still there. That guy had been strangely silent and stationary ever since they assembled and did not make any of his usual scornful remarks. With his diminished presence, the team just didn't feel the same.

"Next, Syariff from class 3 Titan will address the school."

A low murmur of weak clapping slowly spread in the hall as the team made its way on stage. Syariff adjusted his tie, adjusted the microphone and then cleared his throat.

"Good morning Mr Lee, vice-principals and my fellow schoolmates. I am Syariff from class 3 Titan, and these are my classmates, Wendy, Bhavita and James. Together, we took part in the debate competition hosted by Danmun High School. I am proud to announce that after four months of hardwork, our team successfully made it to the semi-finals."

He paused as instructed to gather some applause, but there was none. Perhaps it was because he did not pause long enough for the students to take the cue, but that one second of silence already felt like an eternity, and Syariff felt too ashamed to wait any longer.

"Unfortunately, we were bested by opponent, Cat High, in that match and thus did not make it to the finals. We would like to thank our teachers, Mr Tan and Mr Chen for their guidance and we will continue to work hard and strive for excellence if we are given the chance to debate again next year. Thank you."

The same bored applause rose from those in the crowd who bothered, and the four of them bowed awkwardly. But as Syariff dipped his head and saw the blank faces of the audience, familiar faces that knew nothing about their struggles in this journey, he felt enraged. Why did they have to feel apologetic? Why did they feel like they were trash when they, the infamous Zitan students, managed to defeat prestigious schools like Anyang Girls?

The student councillor picked up the microphone before they even walked off stage.

"Next, Ahmad from the school's basketball team will…"

"Wait!"

It was a burst of impulse that made Syariff snatch the microphone away, and he was equally shocked as the rest of the school by his own actions. He hesitantly raised the microphone to his lips and his mind raced to think of something to say. The feeling, the rush of adrenaline, was akin to how he felt whenever he stood to present his arguments in the debates, and it was a kind of intense passion that fuelled him to successfully speak his mind. He knew this feeling well.

Clutching the microphone with renewed vigour, he faced the school once more.

"We may have lost, but it was an incredible journey," he said, this time without holding a script. "You guys may not care because you probably don't even know what a debate is to begin with, but this debate is so bloody important to the four of us."

Gasps filled the hall, from teachers mainly, as Syariff used the inappropriate word on stage. The students however, were more perked up by the sincerity of the speech. It was the kind of tone that they were more used to in their daily life.

"You cannot even begin to imagine the trials we were put through and the number of articles we had to read," Syariff continued animatedly. "You don't know this but we stayed back in school for so many hours doing research and practising debating. We worked harder for this than for our exams, you know?"

Again, teachers gasped and some of them even discussed whether to go on stage to stop Syariff. But they were stopped by a reassuring smile from the Head of Department of English.

"Debate is...Debate is about teamwork!" Syariff said, and abruptly remembering something, he turned around and pulled James to the front. "3 Titans! You all know James, right?"

His classmates responded with approving hoots, somehow fired up by Syariff's passion.

"You all know he is damn weird. Actually, I still think he is damn weird." A small pause ensued as James squirmed and tried to pull away, but Syariff held on and did not let him escape. "But you know what, he is actually one of the cleverest person I know. He was just a reserve, but he took notes for us and I tell you, without him, we wouldn't have won the quarter-finals."

At last, the students broke into an enthusiastic applause. They thought morning assemblies were all about boring goody-two-shoes going on stage to recite from a boring script, but this was different. This was their fellow schoolmate sincerely sharing with them about his experiences, and they were not about to abandon the Zitan spirit of solidarity.

Happy to receive the students' support, Syariff wanted to go on about the other things he had learnt, but just as he put down his guard, James managed to break free and run away.

"Oi! Come back!" Syariff called, hastily pushed the microphone to Wendy and made a comical dash after James. Suddenly left with the mission to continue the speech, Wendy wasn't sure what to do. But this was just like a debate, nothing was certain and she could only stick to her stand and speak up for it.

"To me, debating is about seeing both sides of the story and understanding your opponent," she started, and mischief flashed in her eyes. "You must try to guess what they will say, and then when they say it, you attack their loopholes like crazy."

Another bout of laughter rang in the hall as Wendy shamelessly jabbed the air with her index fingers, pretending to fire a machine gun. Satisfied with the reaction, she regained her composure.

"Debating is arguing in proper English. We argue all the time. You all argue with your parents and siblings, right? Then I'm sure you'll agree that we argue the most with the people we like and over things we feel strongly about. We argue because it's important, otherwise we won't even bother."

That brought the whole school back to calm and the usually rowdy students smiled in silent understanding.

"Debating has taught me to confront problems," she said and bravely led her gaze towards the man who once captured her heart. "There's no use in running away, it will just drag the problem. So have to confront it and put an end to it. That's all I want to say."

With that, she pushed the microphone to Bhavita, who immediately bowed and apologised.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry that we're taking such a long time."

It lightened the atmosphere and provoked a laugh, and some of their classmates shouted 'it's okay!'

"I will keep my speech short," she promised with a worried smile. "I just want to say that I'm a big coward. I had stage fright, and I get super scared if I see people quarrel in front of me. So when I first stepped into Danmun High and saw how they all looked so clever, I was scared shitless."

The last word slipped before she could stop herself, and she covered her mouth and uttered an apology to the teachers.

"B-But I told myself I had to be brave, otherwise I will drag the others down, and somehow we managed to overcome many challenges. Before we knew it, we were defeating schools with PSLE cut-off points that are much higher than ours. We persevered, and even though we didn't win, I am proud of our own growth. I am proud to be in Zitan."

At the same time she finished her speech and bowed, Syariff had successfully caught James and was dragging him back on stage. The whole school waited in anticipation as the microphone was passed to the fourth member and they wondered what he would say.

Shaking like a leaf, James mumbled.

"Thank you."

And he quickly ran and hid behind the others.

The two simple words made everyone laugh, clap and cheer the loudest they had ever done during morning assemblies. Sitting behind the students, Pierre and Kai Wen both clapped while wearing proud grins. They did not expect the speeches, but it made them realise that this was precisely one of the greatest benefits of debating; it nurtures students to be confident individuals capable of accurately expressing themselves. The students were awoken and affected by their speeches because the energy was contagious, and when Ahmad went on stage to announce their victory, he too launched into an impromptu description of their glorious battles, albeit not as eloquently.

"It was over in an instant," Kai Wen lamented. "In the end I still couldn't go to the finals with you."

"We'll try again next year, though it'll be with a different batch of students. They will be graduating next year so they have to prepare for their O levels."

Pierre kept his eyes to the stage as he spoke, and he ignored that bit of disappointment that radiated from the other man. Of course he knew that Kai Wen was not talking about the students and was instead making reference to fourteen years ago when he left the country on the day of the finals, but he didn't feel like responding to that sentimentality, not so early in the morning.

Kai Wen could be too much, at times. Ever since their confession, he had been doing everything in his ability to 'make up for the past'. Accepting his proposal only pushed that effort to the extreme, and for the past two days, Pierre was treated like royalty. He was not used to it, and he did not intend to ever get used to it. Then came all the reminiscence of the past and talks of regret and Pierre was just short of yelling at him to stop feeling so guilty and enjoy the present.

It was not like Kai Wen was the only one at fault back then. He didn't want the imbalance in their relationship. Things were not all roses when two people got together, Pierre once again learnt.

A blush crept on his cheeks when his hand was secretly held, and he felt the cool surface of the ring on Kai Wen's finger.

"I want to talk to you for a bit," Pierre said, relenting and holding Kai Wen's hand in return. He thought he should let the man know how he felt, though he could foresee the arguments.

Pierre headed to the back of the hall, seriously pondering how to convince Kai Wen to stop feeling guilty. He was oblivious to the predatory glint in the man's eyes.

* * *

The students were dismissed back to their classes later than usual because of the lengthy speeches. As they groaned and dragged their feet to their first lesson, Syariff spun around trying to look for his teachers. He did not manage to say his fill on stage and in his excitement, he had completely forgotten to tell his schoolmates how his teachers fought with them for the past four months. He wanted to thank his teachers properly, especially Mr Tan who encouraged him to put aside his personal issues and debate.

But where in the hell were they? Syariff stood at the corridor, eyes scanning the horde of people. If they had gone to the staffroom or the classes, they would have to pass through this corridor. Syariff couldn't have missed them. Deciding that his teachers were still somewhere in the hall, he doubled back to have a look.

He walked up the empty hall and onto the empty stage to look behind the curtains, then he crossed over to the back.

The sight that greeted him made his jaw drop.

A short distance away, standing in an inconspicuous corner, were the two teachers he was looking for. It was a groove between two walls jutting out and it was the popular location for those acting as a ghost to hide during fright nights that took place in camps. Perfect for hiding away from view and then jumping out to give a good scare. Now neither Mr Tan nor Mr Chen was jumping out, but Syariff already got the biggest scare of his life.

The two adults had arms around each other, and they were kissing.

"Wha – "

A palm closed over his mouth, muffling his surprised yelp, and he was dragged backwards and out of sight. Once he recovered from shock, he pulled the hand away and confronted the one who ambushed him. It was James.

"What-what-what," Syariff stuttered, pointing at James, then stretching out his arm and pointing in the direction of their teachers. "What the hell? Huh? What did I just see?"

"You childish insensitive prick," came the casual insult. Apparently he went back to normal after the morning assembly. His eyes darted around and he turned away from Syariff before continuing his scolding. "Why? Never see people kiss before ah?"

"B-But! Th-They…!" Syariff's justification of his shock never finished. Instead, he was shocked by another fact. In these four months, he had learnt read the expressions on James' face. This one told him that James knew all about it. "How did you…?"

"Very obvious what. You all don't know they are together meh?"

"Don't know!"

"Oh. So stupid. Now you know loh."

James paced about impatiently while Syariff's took time to digest the news. He wanted to go back to class quickly because they were already late, but he thought he should wait. They were kind of somewhat like friends, after all.

"So Mr Chen wasn't kidding when he said that he was gay," Syariff muttered, still trying to come to terms with it.

"It's okay what. They may be gay but they are good teachers, right?"

James' words made sense to Syariff and calmed him down. That was something he was not about to refute, even if he was personally still uncomfortable with the idea of two males being together. Being homosexuals did not make them any less capable as teachers.

"You're right. Hah, and to think our last debate was about gay marriage," Syariff said with a helpless laugh. "Okay we better keep this a secret, otherwise they get into trouble."

James nodded. He then pulled out a sheet of foolscap paper from his bag and scribbled.

''Cher, have some self-control. Don't kiss in school. If other people see, I cannot protect you. From James.'

Chuckling, Syariff added a few more messages to tease the teachers. It would be fun to see their reactions, but alas, they decided to put the message on the floor and quietly skip away. There would be plenty of opportunities to disturb them in the future, so for now, they thought they would just leave the lovebirds alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading to the very end!
> 
> Truth be told, I just wrote whatever I liked, e.g spectacles, sportsmen, mole-under-eye and uniform. So sorry if the plot did not flow too well because I tried to pack all that in. I also wrote this a few years ago, so my writing wasn't as mature and some descriptions might have seemed awkward. Still, I really hope you enjoyed the story!
> 
> Please leave a comment to let me know your thoughts~ Also, you might want to check out my fb page TwistedMedley, a collaboration with my artist friend sobachan. She drew an illustration for this story and you'll be able to find it in the gallery of the fb page ^^ Thanks again, and see you!


End file.
